


Love is...

by marchtwentyfour



Category: GOT7
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-10 20:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 55,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchtwentyfour/pseuds/marchtwentyfour
Summary: Love is... a word that contains a lot of different stories.  Love is a story waiting to be told.





	1. Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! ta-dah, i am not writing jjp this time! i hope you all still like this and please comment to tell me how it is!!!

Friendship is knowing the other person inside and out, without any worry of offending them at all. It is knowing everything about them, yet still craving those little tidbits of information that they can offer you. Friendship is finicky at best, having someone know every little thing about you down to your worst trait.

Jaebum does not have a best friend for reasons he does not have any idea either. Born in South Korea where he has lived all his life, he has made countless of friends through the years yet…

“Jaebum? Jaebum Im?” The person at the reception smiled even though she probably had to call him more than once. Jaebum smiled sheepishly at her, getting up and following her instructions.

The doctor appointment was set-up by his uncle, worried that Jaebum might catch into some unknown disease. He knows he had just recently arrived here at the other side of the world, but he has not caught any cold as of yet.

“Jaebum Im?” Jaebum nodded his head at the man in front of him, “Please take your seat. I will be there with you shortly.”

It was a blur of English, words he understood, words he kind-of understood and words he would have to look up in the dictionary (if he actually ever remembers it after he leaves this room). He nods as a yes and shakes his head when he thinks it’s right. After his temperature was taken and a few pokes here and there, the doctor deemed him healthy enough to leave without any prescribed medicine.

Jaebum holds tight to the money his uncle had given him. He was told to treat himself to something good and that he is not allowed to go home unless the sun is out. Being summer, Jaebum has no choice but stay out until around 10 in the evening.

Sighing, he resolves to take the bus and head over to the nearest mall.

  
  


Im Jaebum was born in South Korea and grew up there. His parents had raised him well (or so he hopes he was raised well). His family was always busy, running off here and there because of their business. Jaebum was mostly left alone, left to talk to himself and pretend he has someone to converse with.

Most people would think Jaebum would grow up quiet and reserved, in a way he is. But Jaebum craved having someone to talk to, having someone right there beside him to talk him through his problems. He was not one of those people who could go to one place alone and leave with a lot of friends, but he doesn't think he’s extremely bad at making friends.

The problem is, Jaebum does not have any friends right now. His family had uprooted their whole life in Seoul, South Korea just to relocate halfway across the world in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Jaebum does not know anyone, does not even know the man he has to call  _ Uncle. _

“Did you have fun today, Jaebum-ah?” His Mom would always ask when he gets home, as if she cares at all while she’s writing down the grocery on a piece of paper.

“Yes.” Jaebum lies through his teeth, clutching his fists tightly.

His mom gives him a smile even though she wasn’t really looking at him. “We’re glad. Your dad should be home soon, we can have dinner then.” She doesn’t even ask if he’s had dinner.

Jaebum goes to his room. His feet were heavy and his room so bare, walls still untainted with any new memory. They have only been in this house for a month, yet Jaebum hasn’t put up any of the posters he brought from home—from Seoul.   
  


A cat.

Jaebum’s solution to feeling sad and down is getting a cat. He has always loved cats so when one of his mom’s new friend offered to give him one of their kittens, he immediately agrees to it. 

“I’m…” Jaebum smiles at the grey kitten nuzzling it’s face to his hand, “Her name is Nora.”

His mom smiled and his dad just let him be. It was fine.

Jaebum might be alone right now, but he at least has this bundle of joy right here. He will never have to be alone inside the empty and bare house that he can’t even call a  _ home. _

But then a month had passed then another month, and then another one… Jaebum wasn’t sure how to make of his life. He wakes up every morning to a quiet breakfast where his parents are in a hurry, as if they were always late for something. Then he’s left alone to his thoughts before the doorbell buzzes during lunch for his Aunt to invite him to eat at their place. He always agrees, having no other choice. They have aimless conversation, full of useless tidbits that Jaebum would not even remember by the end of it.

Except today, today felt different.

“Have you decided what you want to do, Jaebum?” His Uncle had asked, the question heavy and serious. He was expecting an answer.

“Um,” Jaebum was not quite prepared for this question. He shakes his head instead. “No, not really, Uncle. I want to go back to school but…” his English was still not the best. 

“Then would you be opposed to getting a job?” His Uncle asked again, but Jaebum feels like he knows the answer that his uncle wanted him to say. “I have a friend from work who is looking for someone to replace her when she goes for her maternity leave.”

A job. How could Jaebum ever say no? “Of course, Uncle. What does she do?” He asked, actually feeling eager for the first time in a while. It was a chance, like a window to have his routine finally change.

“At Tim Horton’s, the one in downtown so it’s pretty busy.” He explained, “She works the afternoon shift. Do you think you’ll be up for it? She wants someone who can last a year or more so she has no problem with leaving.”

Without knowing what he was agreeing to, Jaebum nods his head in agreement. Just like that, his future was sealed.

  
  


“The cup sizes are… When someone orders this… The ingredients for…” The lady training him seemed nice, she wasn’t young but she wasn’t that old. She probably has a warm family waiting for her to come home so they could sleep together. “Did you get that, JB?”

Jaebum winces, the name unfamiliar to his ears but quite necessary. Everyone had decided his name was a little hard to say and he voted out of being nicknamed Jae or Bum, so JB it is. He smiles at her and hopes he doesn’t come off as impolite.

“Um, how about if…?” He asks, taking the chance that there was a lull with customers. His Uncle wasn’t kidding when he said that this branch was busy. The drive thru was buzzing with cars after cars and the dining room was half-full with people drinking their coffee.

The lady whose name tag says her name was Emma just smiled at him sympathetically. “It’s fine, JB. You can ask me whatever you want.”

So JB does, trying to convey his questions as much as he can in his limited knowledge of the language. He can communicate well enough, understand well enough and speak his mind well enough. It’s the nerves that makes it harder for him to speak out. He can’t even learn their names yet, the afternoon shift has way too many people than he can remember at the moment.

So Jaebum tries, he tries and he listens and he remembers. He tries to mimic the way Emma smiles at the customers and spits out her lines. He tries to copy the way she moves and the way she does everything. Jaebum ignores everything else, ignores the curious looks from the right side of the store and the impatient faces the customers make when he has to ask them to repeat their orders.

It’s fine. Jaebum is fine. If he can survive uprooting his whole life and moving here, there should not be anything else scarier in the whole world.

  
  


Jaebum’s first regret comes just a few days after he started work. The assistant manager was in the same shift as he was due to someone calling in sick at the worst possible moment. He should have known something was going to go wrong, he should have trusted the butterflies in his stomach when he woke up.

“Newbie!” The voice was shrill, colder than the air from outside the store.

Jaebum had rushed to the front where his assistant manager was looking at him in distaste, anger marring his face. He tries to hide how nervous he was, his hands shaking beneath the calm exterior he was holding onto.

“Did you just give a bagel to someone who ordered a croissant?” He had asked, demanded, but Jaebum does not need to know that there was already an answer to that.

But the thing is, Jaebum does not remember. The faces of the customers were a blur, and the orders even more so. It was busy, and everyone was at a standstill as they all looked at him. Every eyes were on him and he does not even know what to say or what to do or what to even  _ think _ .

“Um, I—“ Jaebum saw the way the assistant manager’s eyes narrowed and he could feel his throat constrict.

“Do you even understand what I’m saying?” The words were piercing, meant to hurt him and it had done it’s job. “So stupid.”

“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing he could say before he had turned on his heel and ran away from the front. He does not know where he was going and he does not know why his eyes feel hot and his cheeks feel wet. All Jaebum wants is to stay as far away from this place as he could.

His feet brought him to the staff room and he grabbed his bag, ready to just go out and face his uncle. He would apologize, maybe even beg for forgiveness because he doesn’t think he could face them again.

“JB!” An unfamiliar voice called him and different set of footsteps followed. They all looked at him with worried eyes that Jaebum could feel his shoulders sag. “Where are you going?”

Jaebum doesn’t think they were really asking for an answer so he kept quiet, trying his hardest not to cry. All he needs to do is to get them away from here and then he would be able to leave.

“Please don’t go. That’s just how Chris is. You have to excuse him.” One of the lady had said, “Stay. I’ll have Mary teach you the front. She’s nice.”

There were a lot of things running through Jaebum’s mind, but in the end he gives in. He puts down his bag and follows them back outside, his tears still hot against his skin. He feels stupid and broken. But hey, was Chris actually wrong? Weren’t everything he said pretty much true?

Mary was a nice lady that reminds Jaebum a lot like Emma. She was probably the same age too, but Mary was a little bit impatient unlike Emma was. Jaebum could tell she didn’t have kids. She guided him through taking orders and making the coffee, she even kept him as far away as possible from where Chris was giving him the evil eye.

Jaebum couldn’t help but feel the tears building up again. He makes even more mistake, and even though everyone was so patient with him, he can’t help but feel  _ so stupid _ . Maybe Chris was right.

  
  


His break came in not long after. He was to share it with two other employees who were fairly engrossed in their conversation about one thing or another, Jaebum could hardly care. He sits there at the corner with his food he had barely touched, eyes still brimming with unshed tears and his fingers shakily typing on his phone.

**To: Sungjin**

**Message: Can you call me when you wake up? I just need someone to talk to.**

Because the problem with not having a lot of friends is that the few you have are mostly busy, and also halfway across the world. The time difference was difficult, more so that Jaebum was not the talkative kind.

He was feeling horrible, the first week he had made so many mistakes and cried in front of customers and his co-workers he does not even know the name of. He doesn’t like feeling vulnerable, but the only person he can talk to about this is asleep and would be asleep for a few more hours.

Before Jaebum could feel the tears coming down again, there was a voice directed at him. It sounded soft, patient and kind.

“Where did you get your case? I really wanted one.” The boy had said, smiling softly at him. His red hair was fiery, a stark contrast to his skin and the comforting expression on his face.

His case was just the logo of Hogwarts, something he got just before he left Seoul. It was cheap and can be found on any stand in Myeongdong. So he told the boy that, whose name tag read Mark, and explained where he got it.

“Oh? I want one! It’s really hard to get the right kind of case I want here.” He took out his phone, the case a plain black. “I’m jealous.”

Jaebum was distracted as he discussed the different kind of cases and their usefulness, he preferably liked spending less on these kind of things and the boy (Mark, his mind had supplied) agreeing excitedly.

Before he knew it, before he realized it, his break was done and his tears had dried down. His lips quirked up in a smile as he stood up from his seat, Mark following. The boy had successfully distracted him and he obviously knew it too, or even planned it.

Just as they were walking out, Mark had said something that Jaebum will always remember.

**_“You’ll be fine. I’ll be here to guide you.”_ **

  
  


Not having that many friends in the first place was how Jaebum had lived his life. He wasn’t eager at making friends, but he does cherish the ones he has.

Mark was becoming one of them.

Jaebum sits down on the bus ride home, the vehicle almost empty except for him and the bus driver. They pass by many stops without anyone getting down or getting on, it was calming in a way.

_ There is just something about Mark Tuan _ , he decided.  _ That makes you want to have his attention. _

  
  


Working in Tim Horton’s was both a curse and a blessing. Jaebum honestly can’t decide which it was. He sometimes leans towards the former, but there are days that the latter wins out.

“JB, clean the iced coffee.”

“Do the parking today, JB. Make sure it’s actually clean, okay? There were still trash when I went out yesterday.” For three times in a row, even though there was someone else assigned to do it.

“Mop the floor and make sure it’s actually  _ dry _ , please.”

“Upsell!”

“Speak louder!”

“Smile more!”

“I thought I told you to upsell?!”

Chris doesn’t like him, and he doesn’t need to be a genius to figure that one out. But the days that they work together tires him out, the stress mentally and the tiredness seeping into his bones doesn’t seem like it’s worth it.

Then.  _ Then  _ Mark walks over to his side, quietly giving him directions. Simple tips here and there that would make Jaebum’s life a lot easier.

“Hey, it’s fine. Chris is just an asshole. You’ll get used to it.” Mark tells him, the corner of his lips quirking up a bit into a smile.

“Will I ever?” Jaebum had asked quietly, but the answering laughter he got from Mark felt worth it. He smiled back.

“You’ll be fine, JB. I think you’re a tough one.” Mark smiles one more time before he walks back to the drive-thru. He would leave Jaebum in his wake, footsteps slow but sure.

Jaebum could see the others looking at him and Mark discreetly, others not as discrete as one would expect. He has the impression that Mark was popular, and well-loved by people at work. Mark was quiet and timid, doesn’t usually join in the conversations. But people, everyone, greets him whenever they see him. They invite him out every time even though he doesn’t accept.

Mark was confusing.

  
  


“My name is Jinyoung.” One of the other staff had come into the small staff room where Jaebum had been waiting for his shift to start. He was the same height as he was, and with his name, Jaebum could tell he was Korean. “Your name is Jaebum, right?”

Jaebum had nodded, not really knowing how to react in this kind of things. “Nice to meet you…?” Even though they’ve probably been working together for almost 2 weeks since he had started.

Jinyoung smiles, eyes bright, “Are you older than me?”

“Maybe?” If he was going to guess, Jaebum could tell Jinyoung was younger. He seemed carefree and open, everything that Jaebum wasn’t. “I’m early 1994.”

“Oh! Then you’re hyung, then. I’m late 1994.” Jinyoung grins, “You don’t mind that we keep the Korean tradition of me calling you hyung, right? I haven’t been to Korea since… 2007? Or 2006? I don’t really remember much anymore, but I do know some  _ rules _ .”

Definitely Korean. And for some reason, it makes Jaebum feel so much at ease. He doesn’t ask if the boy can still speak Korean, not particularly sure it was something you should be asking someone you just officially met.

Then Jinyoung spoke in a language that made Jaebum feel so much at ease, “We have Yugyeom working here too. He’s only here during weekends because he’s still in High School. He was born here though, I’ve been trying to teach him Korean to no avail.” Jinyoung was pondering, “Oh! And we have Youngjae too! He’s currently on a trip to Vancouver with Jackson, but you’ll get along well with them!”

“Oh…” Jaebum doesn’t even know how to reply to that.

“I know you’re not having the best time of your life, hyung.” Jinyoung looked sympathetic, “But now you’ll have me!”

Then as if there was a cue, Mark comes strolling in the small staff room with his bright red hoodie complimenting his hair that was covered by a black cap.

“And you have Mark too!” Jinyoung winked and Jaebum doesn’t like how the other boy was smiling.

Mark doesn’t seem to notice anything as he raised an eyebrow at Jinyoung and then smiled at Jaebum, “If he starts talking about Jackson, just nod your head and ignore him. It always works for me.”

Jinyoung started complaining loudly and Mark just grins at Jaebum as if they shared a joke. Honestly, Jaebum was a little bit overwhelmed, but he smiles all the same.

_ Maybe  _ working here wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

  
  


“If you need any help, just ask me. I promise I’ll help.” Mark gave him a smile before he walked over back to drive thru.

Jaebum was left alone at the store front, but he doesn’t think it’s so bad anymore. More than a few weeks had passed since he started and he knows he isn’t struggling as badly as he used to like before. He doesn’t ask again and again for the order, knowing the words much better like  _ Boston cream  _ and  _ Birthday cake timbit _ .

Which just means that of course something was going to go wrong.

  
  


“Are you taking the bus home?” Jinyoung had asked, peeking into the staff room.

Jaebum looked down at his outfit, jacket and cap already in place, and then turned to raise an eyebrow at Jinyoung. It earned him a roll of the boy’s eyes and he grins in return.

“It’s a Sunday, hyung. You’ll have a hard time getting home. Is no one going to pick you up?” Jinyoung asked again, this time actually looking serious and worried.

Jaebum knows what Jinyoung is worried about, understands why. They were in downtown and he knows it’s not as safe as the rest of the City is. He’s been getting home fairly well, but he also knows it’s a matter of time before he encounters something or someone.

“Um,” he looks at his phone where there were no calls or text messages waiting for him. He knows that when he gets home, his parents would be fast asleep with no worries on if he got home or not. “That’s fine. I can wait.”

Jinyoung seemed to think for a second before his eyes brightened, “Wait here, hyung!” Then he dashed off to back to the front.

Not knowing what the other boy was planning, Jaebum continued to get ready to leave. He has his bus pass on hand and his earphones plugged in, just waiting to get played.

Jinyoung arrived not even a minute later, this time with someone in tow. He was smiling so brightly. “Okay! You will wait for maybe just 50 minutes more. Mark will drive us all home.” By us, Jaebum assumes he was included. “You can wait, right?”

Jaebum turns to Mark. He doesn’t want to say no, but he doesn’t want to say yes if it was going to inconvenience someone. Especially, not Mark.

“If you can wait for a few more minutes…” Mark smiled.

Really, how could Jaebum say no to that?

  
  


Of course Jinyoung was planning something. Jaebum hasn’t known the other boy for too long, just a week or two, but there was something about Jaebum that makes him feel so at ease. He doesn’t know if that’s just friendship or the feeling of having someone close to his age in a country he was unfamiliar with. But Jinyoung was a good friend already, almost on the same level as Mark had become.

But Jaebum had also long realized that Jinyoung was a little shit.

“Take the front seat, hyung!” Jinyoung grinned, bouncing happily to the back of the car leaving Jaebum with no choice but to sit in front.

“T-thanks…” Jaebum gave Mark a smile, hoping he doesn’t look as awkward as he thinks he is.

Mark just shakes his head in response, words always up to the minimum.

It was weird. As soon as Jaebum gets inside the car, he could feel his lungs constrict and not at the limited space. He was so close, so close to Mark. They have always stood beside each other, working does that, but this felt different. He could smell Mark underneath the lingering smell of coffee. He could see the way Mark’s hands were holding the wheels, and the way his hair swished at every small movement.

Jaebum wanted to reach over, to move away the strands of hair covering Mark’s eye. He wanted to listen more to the way Mark breathed, and see the way Mark smiled.

He was close, so  _ close _ and then. It hit him.

There’s a word to describe this feeling. Just one.

“Here you are.” Mark announced, turning to him with a flashing bright set of teeth and eyes shining. “We’ll see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow!” Jinyoung piped at the back, his head buried to his phone which means he was probably messaging Jackson whom Jaebum learned earlier was actually Jinyoung’s house.

Jaebum mumbled, “See you tomorrow.” He hurriedly removed his seatbelt and stepped out of the car, away from Mark’s space.

In the limited time, not even 10 minutes at most, Jaebum’s racing heart made him realize that…

“Fuck,” Jaebum closed his eyes, _ I have a crush on Mark. _

  
  


Crushes.

Jaebum doesn’t get a lot of crushes. To be specific, he’s only had one his whole life. It was back in middle school when he fell for a boy so sweet and so nice, someone that everyone in his class liked. But Jaebum never said anything to him, continued to become his friend in silence.

For seven years, Jaebum sat quietly in love as his crush dated and dated. But he never said anything because, in the end, he would always go back to Jaebum. To his  _ friend _ .

Now, Jaebum feels like he’s going to be facing the same dilemma again.

But it’s fine, he’s going to be fine because he’s done it before and he is willing to do it again.

(He tries to pretend that he doesn’t know how this will end too. The same way he and his friend did—as nothing to each other.)

  
  


“Are you waiting for us later?” Mark asked. They had the same break the next day and it was quiet and heavy. “You’re going home at 10pm again today?”

Jaebum shook his head, “No, I surprisingly have a full shift today so I’m going home at 11pm. If it’s okay.” He added as an afterthought, but he knew Mark would never say no. Mark was too nice for that.

“Oh, your shift changed?” Mark took a bite of his Turkey Bacon Club, chewing so quietly that it makes Jaebum wonder how Mark is so… elegant. He just seems to be so at ease with his body and his movements that it makes Jaebum wonder.

“A little. I still have the same day off of Thursday and Saturday.” Jaebum sighed, “Fridays feels like hell to me right now.”

“I know what you mean,” Mark agreed, drinking from his cup of coffee.

Jaebum rolled his eyes at this, “Oh, please. Mark, you have a permanent shift and reasonable hours. You can probably come at work 2 hours late and no one will bat an eyelash.”

“I haven’t come into work late in a while…” Mark had not disagreed and the brightness in his eyes makes Jaebum feel like he wasn’t disagreeing at all. “Well, when you work here for 3 years they kind of make your schedule permanent too.”

Snorting, Jaebum doesn’t reply.

“Hey!” Mark complained.

“Please,” Jaebum rolled his eyes once more, “As if you don’t already know that you have everyone here at work on the palm of your hands.”

When Mark grins, Jaebum confirmed that he does, indeed, know.

  
  


Before Jaebum had started work, his life consisted of the same things over and over again. If he was being real, he kind of feels like he was also losing himself, not knowing what to do and where to be. He figured that moving made him feel like that.

Now, his schedule is kind of fixed as well. It was home, get ready for work and then go back home. It just that he has an added bonus of his work being somewhat entertaining now that he has people he knows and can talk to.

(He ignores the whisper at the back of his mind that says  _ Mark _ .)

  
  


“Hey hyung,” Jinyoung patted the back of his shoulder just as they were going in. “You don’t need to feel so sad just because Mark isn’t here.” Then he grins and then he was gone.

Jaebum tries to curb the ache he has, missing someone he just literally saw not even a few hours ago. He shakes his head off and heads in for work, getting ready for 8 hours without seeing  _ him _ .

  
  


That night, Jaebum looks up  _ Mark Tuan  _ in facebook. He sees Mark’s profile, one with no profile photo of him, but he has one tagged family photo of him taken probably a lot of years ago. He had black hair and his arms were around his older sister, the one he talks about sometimes.

Closing his eyes, Jaebum clicks on  **Add Friend** before he opens his eyes and closes all tabs and windows. He throws his phone on his desk and shuts his eyes. He does not think, at least he tries not to think of the consequence of what he had done.

All the what  _ if _ are swimming in his head, the possibility of this being the worst mistake he had done. He tries not to even  _ wonder  _ what Mark might think.

No, no he won’t. Because Mark is a good friend who is also, most definitely, a good person.

  
  


Of all the days that Jaebum is on his day-off and Mark has a shift at work, it had to be the next day after he had added him on facebook. His nerves were off the sky, his thighs shaking as he tries to stop himself on checking his facebook for nth time that day.

He knows that Mark is most definitely at work, his shift had just started after all. He also knows that Mark doesn’t look at his own phone a lot, and the possibility of him not seeing the friend request yet were high. However, no matter what he does, he still feels the tingling of disappointment at the back of his head.

So Jaebum turns off his phone and switches on his laptop. He opens a show he hasn’t seen, making use of the Internet to entertain himself for the next few hours. He just needs to forget for now and then he can worry about it sometime later.

  
  


**You are now friends with Mark Tuan.**

Jaebum almost drops his phone on himself, not believing what his eyes are showing. He grabs it back to check, and then he almost drops his phone to himself again when he sees what is waiting for him in Messenger.

**Mark: have you seen the latest episode of How to Get Away with Murder?**

**Jaebum: I have, actually, been updated with it since we have it in Netflix.**

**Mark: Haha is that what you’ve been doing with your day off?**

**Jaebum: Don’t judge. It was a productive day.**

**Mark: sure, by watching netflix**

**Jaebum: Don’t pretend that’s not what you do on YOUR day off**

**Mark: u caught me lol i was watching friends yesterday**

**Jaebum: See. You can’t chastise me when you do the same thing. So, friends. How do you like Rachel and Ross?**

Jaebum was feeling a little nervous for some reason. He has long since known that he and Mark share a lot of the same interest in shows. They have mentioned it once or twice while they were talking at work or after work. However, since they have limited time to expand on the topic, they don’t really know a lot of the other’s preference. This one, though, is a deal breaker. It can make or break this thing.

**Mark: were u seriously just baiting me rn bec i hate rachel and ross, if you ask me, i like monica and chandler the best**

“Fuck, I think I like you so much.” Jaebum closes his eyes, but instead he answers him after that.

**Jaebum: Thank heavens or else I might have to re-think about actually being friends with you.**

**Mark: as if**

**Mark: i’m a mondler shipper thru and thru plus i wish i can only be half as funny as chandler is**

**Jaebum: Not a big fan of Ross?**

**Mark: he’s cool but he’s no chandler**

**Jaebum: That’s great because I like Chandler’s character too. I’ve always seen him and Joey as the actual best friends in the show.**

Mark doesn’t reply after that and his  _ Available now  _ changed to  _ Active 1m ago  _ until it changed to  _ Active 15m ago _ . Jaebum accepted defeat and that Mark had gone to do something else. Or went to bed. It was almost 2:00 in the morning after all.

Jaebum goes to bed that night and wishes that Mark isn’t a lot like his ideal perfect guy. Mark was just too… impossible. He was quiet, but fun to talk to. He was kind, but the way he laughs is so bright. He helped Jaebum when no one else had, and he just doesn’t get how Mark can be so… perfect. The things they like cannot be counted in one hand, and he’s finding out more things day by day.

Crushes are difficult, and Jaebum finds out again that having a crush on someone you consider a good friend is even harder.


	2. Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me what you think :) please

**** To be honest, Jaebum has no idea how he got roped into going shopping with Jinyoung. He also has no idea why it has to be him when Jinyoung has so many other friends that he can go with. Then again, one does not just say no to a Jinyoung Park. Jinyoung was a Supervisor for the 3-11 shift and it was good because he definitely demand attention and people follow them. It was nowonder that no one from the 3-11 shift make problems because everyone seems to be afraid of him.

“Are you actually buying another coffee again?” Jaebum had asked.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at him, a trademark move he can only perfect, “It’s been so long since I had my last cup, hyung.”

Jaebum tries really hard not to be sarcastic because the last cup that they both had was when they arrived in the mall about two hours ago. They had gone in Starbucks, Jinyoung already ordered before they even got there so their order were ready for pick-up.

“Did you want anything, hyung?” Jinyoung asked when he was almost at the front. “Did you want your usual?”

Jaebum’s usual consisted of Large Dark Roast 4x4 with 2 shots of espresso. He had just drank a Venti Blonde Americano from Starbucks, so no. He doesn’t want to die so he most  _ definitely  _ does not want his usual.

“Can you just get me iced tea? The green one, please.” Jaebum takes out money, but Jinyoung had just returned it to him with a shake of his head.

“Hey, I dragged you out here so this is my treat,” he says as if he hadn’t just paid for their order in Starbucks too.

Spending time with Jinyoung was something that Jaebum found himself enjoying. Jinyoung was just so easy to talk to, and they do have a lot of things in common. It also probably helps that Jinyoung knows about Jaebum’s crush on Mark without needing to outright say it. Jinyoung was just… kind of amazing?

“You drink way too much coffee.” Jaebum remarked when they finally have their order. He opens his bottle of iced tea and takes a huge sip, watching Jinyoung at the corner of his eye sipping his coffee as if it wasn’t scalding. “I can’t decide whether you’re amazing or—“ his phone beeps and he immediately looks as it.

**Mark: i just finished all s1 of unsolved and about to start on s2**

**Mark: it is sort of easy to get obsessed over**

**Jaebum: What episode did you like more??**

**Mark: can’t decide tbh but i was really curious abt black dahlia and the case of oj simpson**

**Jaebum: I really love the Black Dahlia episode, Elisa Lam and the one in the farm? I think it’s the hacking episode.**

**Mark: ...those are the most weird ones**

**Jaebum: I am weird. And slightly leaning over to be a psychopath.**

**Mark: won’t be surprised. But i gtg watch s2 now**

**Jaebum: Tell me which ones you like!!!**

Jaebum was smiling as he puts away his phone and suddenly feels someone watching him. He bites his lips as he realized where he was and who he was with.

“You got such a happy smile on your face, hyung.” Jinyoung’s face was practically glowing, “You know what that expression on your face? It reminds me of… I feel like I’ve seen it before…”

“What?” Jaebum could feel the headache coming.

“It reminds me of when ever Jackson messages  _ me  _ and I smile that way for the next 24 hours, basking in the happiness of someone I  _ like  _ messaging me.” Jinyoung grins, “I know that’s Mark, there is only one person who has no profile photo on facebook that we both know here.”

(Jackson Wang, Jaebum finds out, is Jinyoung’s boyfriend. They have been dating for years that no one actually remembers a time when they weren’t dating. Jaebum finds out they were really sweet and touchy, as if they were still in their honeymoon period. Jaebum likes Jackson, he was quite nice.)

“What if it was someone I know from back home?” Jaebum demanded.

“At this hour back in South Korea? I don’t think so.” Jinyoung grins, knowing he had won. It was kind of impossible to win when you’re with Jinyoung Park, to be honest. One should just give in. “Just admit it, hyung. What are you so afraid of anyway?”

Admitting it. That was exactly what Jaebum was afraid of. He was going to put out the truth out there, someone will know. No one had known this early before, when he doesn’t even know how Mark would react.

But Jinyoung continues to surprise him one after the other, “If you’re worried about Mark then you really shouldn’t. I have known him for quite a while now, and believe me, he hasn’t shown interest in anyone in a while too.”

Those words make Jaebum heat up in both embarrassment for being so easy to read and into excitement he knew he shouldn’t have. There was hope blooming in his chest that he is trying to curb.

“We’re just friends.” Jaebum manages to say out loud despite the burning in his throat. Then his phone beeps again, and he smiles and—

“Friends, huh?” Jinyoung grins.

**Mark: I like the true crime series more but shane is hilarious**

**Mark: please tell me he’s staying for the whole season**

**Jaebum: He is.**

“I have no idea what to do.” Jaebum finally admitted, drinking everything in his bottle of iced tea.

“I don’t know how to read Mark, none of us does. Jackson has been friends with him since middle school, but he doesn’t even know much either.” Jinyoung pats Jaebum’s back, “Does he reply to you a lot? Message you first?”

Jaebum nodded.

“He talks to you first at work? Comes to your side to help you and bring up some kind of topic?” Jinyoung continued.

Jaebum nodded again.

“Does he ask how you are or what your schedule is?”

Jaebum nodded once again.

“Then,” Jinyoung tilted his head to the side and smiled, “You’re already ahead of us at work in the friends department. Mark rarely replies to us and when he does, it’s usually one word. He would never even message us first.”

“Okay…?” Jaebum doesn’t know what to make of that.

“Everyone notices that he comes to your side a lot. Even Bambam who doesn’t have a care in the world besides his own self sees that Mark is always with you.” Jinyoung continued, “I won’t even be able to count the number of times I see the two of you talking about your schedule or your day in the break room.”

Jaebum doesn’t tell him that they do talk about that in Messenger more now.

“So, I’m just saying that…” Jinyoung takes a sip of his drink, “That maybe you shouldn’t cross off the idea that it could be much more and you just stay as friends. That’s all.”

That gave Jaebum a lot to think about, and he had already thrown his empty drink on the trash can besides them. He doesn’t get to think about it more though, because for Jinyoung to be the one to bring it up, he was also the one to distract him from it.

“I kind of want to buy a hoodie…”

They go from store to store, Jinyoung’s pile of things he bought becoming higher by the second. They talk about random things and the people at work, but mostly… mostly they stay away from talking about anything close to Mark. Jaebum is actually thankful for that.

  
  


**Mark: wow i really like shane**

**Jaebum: Figures you would actually be a non-believer.**

**Mark: i haven’t seen ghosts so why should i believe in them**

**Jaebum: Well idk. But I do believe in them because I have seen ghosts.**

**Mark: u mentioned but like, how do u know its actually ghosts or not imaginations or random shadows**

**Jaebum: It will be hard to explain it to a non-believer.**

**Mark: u betcha**

**Jaebum: You suck.**

**Mark: u watch snk too right?**

**Jaebum: Me? I LOVE SNK! You watch that, too???**

**Mark: i could tell, ur wallpaper was levi**

**Jaebum: Hahahaha guess who my favorite character is?**

**Mark: armin?**

**Jaebum: You suck so much.**

**Mark: jk jk i know it’s levi**

**Mark: did i tell u about the ai-kon i went to?**

**Jaebum: You mean there are anime conventions here too????**

**Mark: its not comic con but i got to buy a levi figurine that day, do u want it?**

**Jaebum: ...did you just offer me a Levi figurine?**

**Jaebum: I mean YES OF COURSE I want it but… are you sure?**

**Mark: i like levi but ik u would appreciate it more**

**Mark: he’s just hidden in the depths of my closet**

**Mark: just gotta find it**

**Jaebum: ASDFGJKL thank you!!**

**Mark: we’ll see if i remember tho**

**Jaebum: You have to!! I have always wanted a Levi in my life.**

**Mark: lol we’ll see if i remember anyway i gotta watch again**

**Jaebum: Have fun!!! Enjoy!!**

  
  


Their friendship was based on having a lot of similarities. They share a lot of shows, animes, and even movies. It was amazing find out little by little the different things they both like, and the things they both share. It was amazing and it felt even more amazing knowing Jaebum can talk about all his different shows without thinking of what he has to say. Mark had never once judged him for one thing or another.

Jaebum can be himself, can be just as Im Jaebum without needing to think about what he has to say. He can say whatever he wants to without ever thinking about how Mark would react because the possibility is that, Mark thinks the same thing as well. Or at least, he was open-minded enough to think that whatever Jaebum was thinking, he wouldn’t judge.

You know that excitement you feel when you first like someone, and you treasure all the little things about each other?

It’s a lot like that, except more.

  
  


“Where is Levi?” Jaebum asked when it was just the two of them in the car. It was Jinyoung’s day off, and therefore meant that it was just the two of them. 

Mark looked surprised, but then he started looking sheepish. “I forgot? Oops.”

Jaebum tries not to look disappointed even though that was how he felt. He tried to calm his own self and promise that he won’t badger Mark again about it. After all, the Levi figurine  _ was  _ Mark’s and if he remembers, then he remembers. If not, then, no.

  
  


First snow was something that Jaebum has always enjoyed when he was little. It was like getting up one morning and finding the whole place outside their house covered in white.  There was magic in find everything covered in just one colour, as if the whole place was just magical.

He opens his Melon account and plays  _ First Snow  _ by EXO. He was a little disappointed that it was not the #1 song in Melon, but that was obvious given that it was probably not snowing Korea yet. It is a little early to be having winter weather, really.

Winnipeg has early winters, everyone had told Jaebum that. He had been warned numerous of times that winters here are worse, harsher and most likely, even less magical than one would think. The snow supposedly piles up so high that you won’t even have time to appreciate it, instead hating the very existence of it.

So when Jaebum wakes up one morning in late November with the entirety of of their backyard and the front steps covered in white, he couldn’t help the excitement that rushed through his veins.

**Jaebum: It’s snowing!!!!**

He saw that the other boy was last online 5h ago which means that Mark was most probably still asleep. He lets go of his phone and got dressed, quite ready to get out and just enjoy the cold.

**Mark: ugh i saw i am going back to bed**

Jaebum barks out a laugh at Mark’s attitude with the cold. From their conversations he had gathered that Mark had been born and raised in Winnipeg, his parents having moved here when they just had Tammy, Mark’s older sister. Mark also has an intense hate for the cold and the snow, he dreams of moving to Los Angeles and staying where it is most definitely warm and toasty.

**Jaebum: Can you remind me where you were born at again?**

**Mark: just get out and enjoy the snow and let me sleep in peace pls**

So Jaebum does just that. He prepares his jacket, scarf and mittens before he gets out the house without even eating his breakfast. He just wants to take a walk around the neighbourhood, step on the freshly fallen snow and enjoy the peace.

There was nothing more calming or more beautiful, really.

  
  


“Why do you look so happy today?” Jinyoung complains, trudging inside with his heavy jacket and scarf. “Don’t tell me you’re a winter person, hyung.”

“He’s a winter person,” Mark pipes up with a grin that Jaebum swats away his arm immediately.

“I just like the snow. I mean, so far. I heard it can get worse.” Jaebum shrugged, stealing the cup of coffee that Mark had made. It was unfair that Mark gets to make coffee before his shift without anyone complaining. If Jaebum had even thought about doing that, he probably would get an earful.

“Oh it gets worse,” Jinyoung grumbled, putting away his jacket.

“Much, much worse.” Mark agreed.

Jaebum couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled in his stomach at those words.

  
  
  


Jaebum knows that Mark doesn’t go out with any of the other staff in their Tim Horton’s. He had heard them invite Mark a lot of times and the other boy had always declined.

“I like them just fine as co-workers, but going out…” Mark had told him one night when Jaebum had asked.

It had dashed quite a little bit of hope that Jaebum had about the two of them going out together (alone, maybe), and becoming even better friends. Or more. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he laughs and pretends he was fine with the declaration.

“But I wouldn’t mind getting dinner with you,” Mark had added after that and it had Jaebum freezing on his seat. “You’re very fun to talk to.”

Jaebum doesn’t know what to make of that so he just laughs again and pretends that his heart wasn’t doing flip-flops inside him at the moment.

Mark was just a challenge to understand. He knows that he doesn’t have any problem with the others. Jackson was really fun to talk to and gets along with everyone else, but he mostly sticks to Jinyoung and Bambam. Bambam was also fun to talk to, but is always pretty busy talking to Yugyeom to even have anything to do with anyone else. Yugyeom was always only there during weekends due to University, and when he is, his attention is always pre-occupied with Bambam rattling off and Youngjae talking about their latest family gathering. Youngjae, being Yugyeom’s cousin, also has Bambam following him around. He and Jaebum get along just fine, having a lot of similarities when it comes to music, however they haven’t had the chance to become  _ friends.  _ Because if there were two people that Jaebum can call friends, it was Mark first and Jinyoung second.

Now Jinyoung was quite a bit of a dilemma to read. He was one of the few persons who actually put in the effort to talk to Jaebum, actually invites him to conversations, and even gives him the hope about Mark having any kind of interest in him. He was Jackson’s boyfriend, and from Jaebum had gathered, also one of Mark’s oldest friends even though they don’t act like they’re close at all.

Jaebum wants to find out what it is that Mark sees in him that he can even say those words that makes him feel excited.

  
  


Jaebum’s first time in the drive thru was quite possible worse than his first time in store front. Chris was being an asshole again, just throwing him at work without even any instructions.

Mark was luckily there, soft hands helping Jaebum put the headset on and telling him what to click and where to listen. He was patient with Jaebum throughout, correcting his order and mouthing what he heard from the customer.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum mumbled when Chris was out of earshot and his hands weren’t shaking as much (they still were).

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you until you’re an expert.” Mark gives him a patient smile once again. “You’ll do great.”

So when Mark asked if he could take the orders and then Jaebum can just stand on the window to take the payments and hand over the orders, he wasn’t expecting Mark to help him put on the jacket. The thundering of his heartbeat could probably be heard from a mile away and he didn’t even need the jacket to feel warm.

  
  


Christmas was nearing quite fast and Jaebum knows he has to start buying presents soon. He was going to send his friends back in Seoul some Steam gift cards because it was the easiest to send them with the distance between them. He knows he’ll buy his parents a coffee maker because they’ve been moaning about it ever since he started working in a coffee chain. Now, about the other friends he’s “made” here…

Buying Mark a gift was the greatest problem of them all. Would he buy Mark a present or not? Would Mark even expect to get a present or would it be too assuming of him to buy him one? Even if he buys Mark a gift, what would he even get him? Something that isn’t too expensive, but something thought out. 

The stress was getting to him that he decided he probably shouldn’t even buy Mark a present. After all, they were just co-workers at the moment. They only see each other at work, nothing outside work days. They do talk to each other a lot, but not even through voice calls. They can be considered as friends, but definitely not close ones… so.

Yep. No gift for Mark this Christmas.

  
  


“What’s your schedule on Christmas day?” Mark had asked casually, sliding up to him and making his order of two XL double doubles.

“My schedule got changed to morning shift at 7:00 pm. Jinyoung had done nothing but scare me the whole day so I’m actually pretty nervous. It’s fine, he got put to morning shift too.” Jaebum shuddered at the thought. “You’re afternoon that day, aren’t you?”

Mark nodded, “And you’re off tomorrow and Saturday?”

“Yep, and you’re off Friday.” Jaebum knows Mark’s schedule the way that Mark seems to know his schedule as well. “You start at 4:00 pm on Christmas too.”

“I guess I’ll see you on Monday then?” Mark finished off the conversation before ducking his head to go back to drive thru where it suddenly became busy and his absence was missed.

Jaebum doesn’t understand where the conversation was going so he just nodded his head and went back to work.

  
  


Mark was quiet the whole ride back home as Jinyoung started talking about how busy work is during Christmas. It was not doing any well for Jaebum’s nerves, but he listened anyway that he didn’t notice they were in front of his house already.

“Oh, see you on Christmas, hyung!” Jinyoung greeted.

What was surprising though, was that Mark had left his seat and the car. Jinyoung gave Jaebum a curious look that he shrugged off because he has no idea what was happening either. He got out of the car and saw that Mark was at the trunk of the car, holding something to him.

“I—is that?” Jaebum’s eyes twinkled and he almost jumped at Mark with happiness. “That’s Levi! You finally remembered!”

“Merry Christmas, Jaebum.” Mark greeted him, handing over Levi without any other words. He smiled once more before he went back to the car.

Jaebum stood there outside for a minute, just grinning happily before he went in the house. The first thing he did was take a photo of Levi proudly sitting on his desk.

**Jaebum: [image]**

**Jaebum: Thank you for Levi!! I promise I’ll take care of him really well!!**

**Mark: i know u will take care of him better than i will**

Jaebum was grinning even more when he receives Jinyoung’s frantic message.

**Jinyoung: HYUNG WHAT WAS THAT**

**Jinyoung: WHY IS THERE GIFT GIVING WITHOUT INFORMING ME**

**Jinyoung: WHY WAS IT EVEN ROMANTICALLY EXECUTED**

**Jinyoung: HYUNG?!?!?!??!?!?!**

**Jaebum: Calm down. He just gave me a Levi figurine he promised me a long time ago.**

**Jinyoung: OH YEAH PERFECTLY PLANNED TO BE GIVEN JUST A FEW DAYS AWAY FROM XMAS**

**Jinyoung: so what are you getting Mark, hyung?**

With his excitement, Jaebum actually forgot one important fact: he now needs to buy Mark a gift.

**Jaebum: fuck**

**Jinyoung: Hahaha good luck, hyung!!! Lol**

  
  


Jaebum doesn’t know what to get Mark.

He had woken up early during his day off because he knows it was the only time he has to get Mark something in return. He had taken the bus to the mall just before the opening just so he could think of what to get because he honestly has  _ no idea  _ what to get Mark.

They were friends, sure, but not enough to actually know what the other would want.

Jaebum had spent the majority of his time in the mall entering a shop, finding something he wants to give Mark and then fighting with himself that it was not an appropriate gift for friends. He had gone through so many things that he doesn’t even have any idea what to buy.

It was not until he went back to one shop and saw it. It being a keychain, definitely smaller and less expensive than the gift he got. But it had a logo of the Survey Corps, the Wings of Freedom, on a gold chain. It was small, but Jaebum knows where Mark could put it. It was perfect with no other hidden meanings.

Jaebum buys it, actually feeling happy.

Then he remembered, they weren’t going to see each other on Christmas because Mark worked the afternoon shift and Jaebum would be on the morning shift. He doesn’t want to wait until Monday to give it to him, the meaning wouldn’t even make any sense anymore.

**Jaebum: You’re 9-5 on Christmas?**

**Jinyoung: yep sadly why?**

**Jaebum: Can you do me a favour and say we’re going out after work so I’ll wait for you to get out after 3:00 pm?**

**Jinyoung: is this a ploy to see mark at 4pm and give him your gift?**

Fucking Jinyoung Park, the know-it-all.

**Jaebum: Please?**

**Jinyoung: you owe me large fries from mcdonald’s**

**Jaebum: Deal.**

With that taken care of, Jaebum just needs to make an excuse on why he’s giving Mark a gift and none of the others. The only answer to that is to actually give them gifts, but he doesn’t want to spend anything on the others. So, Jaebum drops by the dollar store after that and bought two packs of candy canes that he would be sacrificing to give to the others.

“Mark Tuan better fucking appreciate this.” Jaebum sighed, calming down the nerves building up inside him at the thought of what Sunday would bring.

  
  


Christmas day was the fucking worst.

Jaebum used to enjoy it before as a kid. He used to wait until the morning to open his presents, and eat Christmas breakfast with his family. They would play outside the snow and then prepare to go over to his grandparent’s house for some more gifts and food.

Now that Jaebum was older and is in a place completely far away from home, he had to wake up early on Christmas day to get ready for work. He dragged his dad out of the bed to drive him to work too, the bus schedule being inconsistent due to today being a holiday.

When he got to work it was quiet with the place being empty save for the staff and a few other customers getting their early cup of coffee. He could feel that it was the calm before the storm, though, so he got ready at the back.

As soon as he got out at 7:00 am, hell started to break loose.

There was a line up at the front, all the staff were running here and there with a cup or box in hand. Jaebum immediately started getting to work, making coffee and stacking up the cups and the lids.

He was pretty sure he hasn’t had the time to stop and breathe ever since he stepped foot in front of the store. The line was up until outside even though it was a freezing -45 that day, people bundled up with their family in tow. Jaebum almost wants to scream, “GO BACK HOME AND MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE FOR YOUR KIDS BY YOURSELF!”, but he stops himself just because he wants to keep his job at least.

By the time he took his lunch break, he was so tired he actually just drank a cup of coffee and inhaled as much food as he can knowing he’ll be back out and ready to fight the crowd again. The baker in front of him also looked tired, probably from making so many of their donuts, muffins, cookies, bagels, and bread. He knows even the breakfast menu almost ran out every 30 minutes that they took to preparing backup meant to last a whole shift instead of just half an hour.

The end of his shift felt like a couple of million hours away that by the time it was 3:00 pm and the next shift was in front, he was trudging his body back to the staff room. Jinyoung apparently was not kidding when he said how busy Christmas day was. Jaebum knows every other day would feel tame compared to this day starting from now on.

But it wasn’t the past 8 hours that was filling his mind now, instead it was the heaviness in his chest at the thought of seeing Mark soon and actually having to give his gift.

“Here, please take some candies for Christmas!” He had to announce to the group of people who got off at 3:00 pm as well. They all excitedly took candies and thanked him, wishing him a Merry Christmas for his efforts. He tries to look like he actually wanted to give them gifts (he doesn’t).

Then, the clock struck 3:46 pm and Mark arrived while he was dusting off his shoulders from snow. He looked surprised to see Jaebum there, but he smiled all the same.

“Merry Christmas,” Jaebum handed him the box of candy, urging him to take one.

“Oh, thank you,” Mark took one and unwrapped it.

Then Jaebum shakily got the paper bag from his bag and handed it over to Mark, pretending that no one else was watching him. “For you,” he mumbled, biting the inside of his cheek at his embarrassment.

Mark took the gift silently and opened it to a huge grin. “Thank you!” Mark sounded extremely happy as he took out the keychain and put the ring with his car keys. “This looks amazing.”

Jaebum gave him a faint smile, insides feeling like they’re floating from how nervous he felt. “Glad you like it.”

They stared at each other until someone, most definitely Bambam, complained, “Why does Mark get something else and we all just get candy canes?!”

Jaebum laughs and hands Bambam more candy canes, “Here, do you want more?”

Bambam immediately forgets complaining and grabs a few more candies.

  
  


Jinyoung doesn’t ask anything when he gets off work at 5:00 pm. He looks tired, and Jaebum can’t blame him because he heard that someone ordered three take 12 of hot chocolate in between 3:00 to 5:00 pm. Instead, Jinyoung just moans about how his feet hurts and that Jackson is on the afternoon shift today so they can’t even go out for Christmas.

They buy fries from McDonald’s and separate on the bus stop.

  
  


**Mark: u didn’t have to but thank u for the keychain**

**Jaebum: I thought it was a fitting gift in return for Levi.**

**Mark: wings of freedom is always a fitting gift whether or not i gave u levi**

**Jaebum: Too true. Do you want spoilers?**

**Mark: no thanks**

  
  
  


Before either of them realized, New Years came crawling by fast. Jaebum didn’t have a shift on New Years Eve and Mark didn’t have a shift on New Year so he knew he had to say something.

**Jaebum: I need you to forgive me being cheesy today, okay?**

**Jaebum: Since it’s now exactly 12mn, I want to thank you for being a part of my 2016! You were only there for, what, 2 months of 2016? It was still one of the best 2 months of my life. I had no idea what I was going to do since moving to Canada so I want to thank you and Jinyoung for being good friends to me. I’m so thankful you saw my Hogwarts case and we got to talking about Harry Potter and bam. The rest is history. I hope you have a good year ahead :)**

Jaebum was nervous as he sent the message off, not having any idea how Mark would react to it. More than that, he doesn’t know if Mark will even reply to it. If he doesn’t, that would be one hell of a disappointment.

He falls asleep worrying about how Mark would reply.

Later, when he falls awake again, he felt himself shudder when he sees the message waiting for him.

**Mark: Wow that’s actually pretty touching??? Can I just reply a thumbs up? Haha jk jk**

**Mark: Thank you for being such a good friend too. I’m so glad I met you this year, as well. I’ve worked in tims for years but this is the first time that I met someone who I get along well and share a lot of my favorites. I’m sure that even if i haven’t seen your hogwarts case that day, I would have ended up being friends with you. Thank you for being a part of my 2016 as well!**

  
  


There was something else in the way Mark started replying more and more now, starting up topics that they have never discussed before. It was making Jaebum hope more and more, but he squashes them all down before it blooms to something worse.

All of his efforts came to waste though, when Mark asks if he wants to watch Kingsman together by the phone. Jaebum immediately agrees of course, setting up his laptop and calling each other for the first time.

They watch Kingsman together, the call on while they do so and made comments here and there. Jaebum gasped at the dog scene and Mark just laughed heartily. Jaebum couldn’t even tell anymore if he had enjoyed watching the movie or hearing Mark’s voice over the phone so close to his ears.

“So, wasn’t that amazing?” Mark had asked right after they both finished the movie.

“It was,” Jaebum begrudgingly agreed. He hasn’t wanted to watch it because everyone kept pushing him to, but Mark asking was a different topic all together. It was already 3:04 am, but he still feels so energetic.

“What else do you watch?” Mark asked, “I like Sherlock.”

It makes Jaebum smile as he realizes that Mark doesn’t want to end the call either. He eagerly talks about Sherlock, and then about Harry Potter when he realized they both liked it. 

“Severus Snape.” Jaebum said the name eagerly, trying not to show how much he likes the character.

“Not good, but not that bad either. I like how he was portrayed as that middle person between the two sides.” Mark laughs, “Always.”

“Always.” Jaebum thinks he’s falling a little bit more in love.

The topic moved onto animes with Haikyuu!! 

“I had no idea you watched the best sports anime made ever,” Jaebum starts humming the opening song of the anime and Mark chimes in right after. “Which school do you like the most?”

“Karasuno just because they have Tsukishima.” Mark sounded determined, “It’s only my position during middle school.”

“Oh wow, you play?” Jaebum sounded awed, “I like Nekoma and Seijo because of their setters. I love Fukurodani next. So I’m guessing Tsukki is your favourite character.”

“Yep,” Mark sounded thoughtful for a second, “I’m supposed to guess yours next, but I can’t tell whether you like Kenma, Oikawa or Akaashi.”

“None of the above!” Jaebum laughed at Mark’s surprised  _ What?!  _ “My favorite is actually Kageyama  _ then  _ Kenma.”

“You’re confusing as hell.” Mark complained.

So are you, Jaebum wanted to say.

It moved to books after that, discussing Stephen King’s works. 

“I like Green Mile.” Jaebum was starting to feel a little bit sleepy now, but he kept his yawning to a minimum in case Mark hears and suggests that they both go to sleep.

“I want to read IT.” Mark said. This ended with Jaebum suggesting they watch scary movies. Mark agrees but makes no plan to actually watch one.

They talked about themselves, a little bit about school and about childhood until even Jaebum couldn’t open his eyes anymore.

“I used to do so many things at school. I did sports, did choir, did arts club, and I even did dance club. I sang for competitions, joined painting contests, played volleyball for my school… I used to do so many things. Now, not so much.” Mark explained, voice a little rough from the lack of sleep.

“What happened?” Jaebum asked, his curiousness getting the head of him.

“I don’t know. I failed one of my College classes so I wasn’t able to move to second year. After that, I stopped school and then…” Mark sounded like he had shrugged, “I just stopped caring about school. Then that turned to stop caring about anything else.”

“But you do work now, and I know you watch a lot of shows. You even play games.” Jaebum knows he’s grasping at straws, but he doesn’t like how Mark sounded pretty sad.

“Enough about me,” Mark was determined to change the topic, “Tell me how you did at school.”

“I’m… fine.” Jaebum doesn’t tell him that he’s starting his Pre-Law in University of Winnipeg this coming Winter term. “I guess I did pretty well in school. I used to dance, but that ended pretty fast.”

“What are you planning to study in University?” Mark asked, “Please don’t feel like you need to hold out on me.”

Jaebum laughs and realized it was pretty stupid. If Mark can’t accept him, how could they be actual friends? So he tells him about University, about his plans for Pre-Law and then taking up Law school when he’s done. He tells him about having to repeat his Pre-Law because U of W won’t accept his Korean education.

“See?” Mark sounds like he’s grinning, and Jaebum can’t help but grin as well. “You’re going to do well, Jaebum.”

It was 8:34 am when Jaebum and Mark finally ended the call. Jaebum fell asleep immediately after that, dreaming of everything he had learned in the past few hours. It felt like he had learned a lot, felt like he knows Mark a little bit better and understands him much more.

The excitement in his chest was still bubbling, and he would like to keep it that way.

  
  


What used to be his schedule changed quite a bit. When Jaebum used to go to sleep right after, he now spends a few more hours in the early morning talking to Mark over the phone.

Their conversations ranges from serious topics about their future or just what happened at work that day. Jaebum had been thrown a bread by a customer who was pretty upset, but they had now been laughing at it for quite some time. Learning more about each other, learning more and more feels exciting and addicting. Every little tidbit, every little fact or every little favourite… everything just feels new. It was just them.

  
  


With January comes Jaebum’s preparation for University and also a change of schedule at work. When he used to have Sundays at work, he now has Saturdays work and Sundays off. With January comes his birthday too, receiving greetings from his friends back home and the new ones he made is probably the spotlight.

**Jackson: Yo JB! Happy birthday!!! Buy me pizza pls lol I hope you have an amazing day since it’s your day off! Drink with us this weekend before you go to your serious University thing? I’ll invite everyone!**

**Yugyeom: Happy Birthday, Jaebum hyung! Have an extremely great day!**

**Bambam: happy birthday jb! Jackson will plan a drinking session at their house so make sure you come!!**

**Youngjae: Happy birthday, hyung! I’ll get you a copy of that piano piece I played you so you can learn it too :3 let’s play music together, hyung!**

**Jinyoung: Happy birthday, hyung! Thank you for coming into our lives. I know you don’t feel it a lot, but everyone in the afternoon shift is glad that you came to work with us! We hope you have an amazing day. I also hope that you don’t feel like you have to come to the drinking session. Jackson just wants to get you there and drill you with questions.**

Jaebum had grinned wide, then he felt his heart leap at the next message. It was short, but Jaebum couldn’t help the feeling bubbling inside him.

**Mark: Happy birthday, Jaebum! Thank you for coming to work in Tims.**

  
  


Jackson has a pretty big house, and also gets easily drunk even before he could drill Jaebum with any questions. Jinyoung shakes his head at his boyfriend, but takes care of him while still engaging Jaebum in a conversation.

Bambam and Yugyeom were battling for the highest score on the karaoke machine, alternating between raps and ballad. Youngjae was at the side, quietly taking snaps of everything and sending it to everyone he knows.

Mark didn’t come.

Jaebum just enjoyed watching Jackson make mooning eyes at Jinyoung while Jinyoung talked to Jaebum about different places to eat in Seoul. He clapped for Bambam and Yugyeom whenever they finished one song, everything in English and he  _ really  _ wants to sneak in and sing a Miguel song. Youngjae kept taking photos of him, probably going on Snapchat too.

“Mark never comes to any of these events,” Jinyoung informed him when the others were passed out from drinking. He was a designated driver who has his boyfriend’s car keys.

“Oh,” Jaebum pretends it wasn’t something he had been wondering about too.

“So don’t take it personally that he’s not here.” Jinyoung pats his shoulders, “I know it’s your birthday celebration and all, but can you help me carry these idiots?”

  
  


Jaebum doesn’t have the time to just enjoy his new set of friends. He knows he needs to have time to prepare for school soon. Pre-Law wasn’t easy after all. His new schedule frees his Sunday.

**Mark: you have thursday and sunday off this week right?**

**Jaebum: Yeah, school doesn’t start until next next week but they gave me the Sunday off this week already.**

**Mark: and my schedule is?**

**Jaebum: You have Saturday and Sunday off. Lucky.**

**Mark: oh we both have sunday off this week**

**Mark: where do you wanna go?**

Jaebum paused for a second, his eyebrow scrunching in confusion. Was Mark just… asking him where he wants go on Sunday? On their day-off? Like,  _ out _ ?

He takes a breathe and takes a chance too.

**Jaebum: I want to go eat Korean.**

**Mark: do u know any place where we can get decent korean food?**

**Jaebum: I do!**

**Mark: is jinyoung off on sunday too? We can all go together**

The hope that was blooming in Jaebum’s chest was squashed immediately. Okay, so Mark wasn’t asking him  _ out _ . It just so happened that it was just the two of them free.

**Jaebum: Nah. Jinyoung has work on Sunday since we’re both off.**

**Mark: then i’ll pick u up at say, 6?**

**Jaebum: Great. Korean food on Sunday then!**

Even though Jaebum was a little disappointed that Mark wasn’t actually asking him out, he was still feeling both excited and nervous about Sunday. It was just going to be the two of them where they’re finally going out outside of work. 

Jaebum looks at the calendar and sees Wednesday. He can’t wait for it to be Sunday.


	3. Uncertain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the lovely people who left me comments. please continue to tell me what you think! to the others too, please take a moment to write down what you think about this chapter :3

“Fuck, okay, not this.” Jaebum changed his shirt one more time, finally sticking to a warm sweater he had tried on earlier. Since it wasn’t a date at all, he needs to get dressed casually but still look presentable. He already has jeans on, and his shoes were ready to go.

Instead of picking him up at 6:00 pm, Mark had messaged earlier asking if they could just go out at 4:00 pm because he wanted to drop by the mall first. Of course Jaebum agreed, but then he finally realized what that meant. He had less time to prepare his nerves  _ and  _ himself.

With 5 minutes to 4:00 pm and Mark already messaged that he was on the way, Jaebum finally gave up and wore his shoes. He knows he doesn’t look that bad, but he also wanted to look a little bit better than he does right now. They only see each other at work where they both wear uniforms and this was the only chance for Mark to see Jaebum in something else besides black trousers and black collared shirt.

**Mark: i’m outside**

Jaebum took a deep breath and opened the door, he tried not to show he was shaking so badly as he locked the door with his keys. Mark’s car was parked near his house and he doesn’t even need to check the plate to know it was his.

As soon as he opened the door, he was welcomed with the sight of Mark’s bright red hair without any cap on and completed with a striped blue and black sweater and jeans. He looks casual, but also like he walked out of a fashion magazine. Jaebum can smell the fabric conditioner that Mark’s family uses and it was honestly just  _ too much _ .

“Hi,” Jaebum greets as he sits on the passenger seat and wore his seatbelt.

Mark grins at him as he reaches over and takes a box from the back seat to hand over to Jaebum. “Belated happy birthday,” he smiles as he watched Jaebum take the box from him. “I have no idea what you wanted, and I couldn’t ask you because it is a surprise birthday gift after all. I hope you like this enough.”

Jaebum was very impatient, especially because Mark had actually bought him a  _ gift _ for his birthday. “You didn’t have to. You already got me a Christmas gift.” He says, but he was already carefully removing the gift wrapping.

“You should just tear it open, Jaebum. It’s a birthday gift after all.” Mark laughs, the sound echoing in the small space they now share.

Jaebum doesn’t have any reply to that because when he finishes opening the box he now knows why it was pretty heavy. The new set of Harry Potter books in English were in there, all 7 books.

“You—how—shouldn’t— _ Mark _ ,” Jaebum couldn’t decide on what to say. “I didn’t tell you about wanting an English copy for you to actually buy me one! This is most definitely not cheap.”

“It’s fine,” Mark grins. “I know how much you like the series.”

There was something in the way that Jaebum’s heart was bursting with feelings, unable to actually utter a word of thank you for the gift he had just received. Because it was, truly, more than just a gift. It was one of the things he loved the most coming from the one person he also, also, likes the most.

“Anyway, thank you for coming with me,” Mark said, as if it was a chore for Jaebum to agree to come.

“No problem!” Jaebum just grins.

  
  


The trip to the mall turns out to be the worst mistake than Jaebum has ever made. He can’t remember why he even agreed, why he was stupid enough to agree to this. He should have asked, should have made sure…

“What do you think about this?” Mark comes out of the dressing room with he black coat and tie they had chosen. He just has his jeans at the bottom and the red vans he always wears.

_ Amazing. Beautiful. Perfect. Gorgeous.  _ There were many words that could be described on Mark wearing a $60 plus tax coat and tie from the rack, but Jaebum settles with, “How about you try the medium sized one? I think it’s a little bit too loose on the shoulders.” He hands over the medium size one to Mark as if he was a fully functioning adult.

“Thanks,” Mark goes back into the dressing room.

“Your friend has the perfect body for formal attire,” one of the sales lady comes by and winks at him as she walked away too.

Jaebum just nods, knowing his obvious drooling is probably not the best clue to how Mark is only a “friend” in his eyes.

Mark comes back out looking even better. The medium size fits his shoulders, outlining how utterly perfect his body line is for suits even if it’s just off the rack. He buys it, pleased with his buy.

“Thank you for coming,” Mark raises the suit he bought, “I don’t know how to buy one without someone else telling me how it looks.”

“When was the last time you wore a suit?” Jaebum can’t help but ask.

“Grad ball, probably.” Mark shrugs, “I don’t really like them, but my aunt has a wedding I have to go to in June and I wanted to buy a suit before I changed my mind about going.”

They take a look at about a few more stores, showing what they think the other would look best. When they enter Hot Topic, Jaebum had to stop himself from buying all the Pop! Figures on the rack. They still don’t have a Levi anyway… and  _ that  _ reminded him of the Levi he got from Mark sitting proudly on his desk back at home.

Dinner time came in a flash that Jaebum and Mark had to go back to the car and drive off to the Korean restaurant that Jaebum suggested. He’s only been here once with his parents, but the food was authentic and they do grill their meat in front of them. He thinks it would be a perfect experience for Mark.

The dimly lit restaurant, the table at the corner that is secluded from others, and the very few customers gave off a vibe that Jaebum thinks Mark probably wasn’t hoping for. It makes him  _ feel  _ like they were on a date even though he knows it isn’t.

“I have to trust on you on everything you ordered,” Mark gives him a cheeky grin, his red hair shining under the light.

“Just trust me,” Jaebum echoes.

The food came earlier than Jaebum had expected, cutting their conversation short. But they both looked excitedly at the rice for the both of them, bowl of gamjatang, sizzling plate of bulgogi, baskets of lettuce, and plates of meat ready to be grilled. The  _ ahjumma  _ prepared the stove in front of them silently.

“Just call if you need anything, okay?” She finally left, sitting down on the table far from them and going back to her phone.

Just then, Soyou and Jungigo’s Some started playing on the overhead speaker that made Jaebum want to curse. He ignores it though, focusing on teaching Mark how to grill the meat.

“Since I’m younger, I have to grill the meat for you.” Jaebum gets to doing just that, making sure the grill was hot enough for the meat. The sound of sizzling makes him reminisce the days he used to eat with his friends back home.

“What should I eat first?” Mark was looking at the side dishes and the food in front of him curiously.

“Try the gamjatang’s broth and then the bulgogi.” Jaebum offered.

Mark’s eyes widened at the gamjatang, “Oh, wow that’s good.”

“Now the bulgogi with rice.” Jaebum urged, busy flipping the meat to make sure it’s cooked but not burnt. The meat is, after all, best when it was still juicy.

“That tasted great,” Mark laughed after his spoonful of bulgogi and rice. “I wish I tried this sooner.”

“Well, now it’s time for samgyupsal.” Jaebum grabbed a piece of lettuce from the basket, “There is a specific way I eat it. First the lettuce, half a spoon of rice, a piece of kimchi, a bit of doenjang, the meat, and then dip it on sesame oil.”

Mark was watching him in amazement as Jaebum easily wrapped the huge piece of food in front of him. “That is a talent, tell me it wasn’t and I won’t believe you.”

“Well the best part is eating it.” Jaebum handed over the wrapped samgyupsal, “You have to eat it in one bite. You can’t just bite into it or else it will get messy.”

“B-but it’s yours?” Mark said, but he was still taking the wrapped lettuce. “Thank you?”

“Thank me once you’ve managed to swallow it all,” Jaebum laughed as he prepared his own wrap. “Go on, I want to see.”

It was amusing to watch as Mark tried to put the whole wrap inside his mouth. He almost didn’t, but he managed to fit everything in and tried to chew it. Jaebum could tell the exact moment the taste probably exploded in his mouth because Mark’s usual drowsy eyes widened as he raised a thumbs up.

“That is… wow.” Mark shook his head, laughing. Jaebum loves it when Mark laughs like this, carefree. “I don’t know if I can do something that good, but let me try.” He set out to make his own wrap, busily trying to fit everything in a small piece of lettuce.

Meanwhile, Jaebum was already at his third or fourth wrap. He likes watching Mark though, his hands not used to chopsticks but managing still. He has his eyebrows knotted on his forehead.

It was then that 10cm’s What the Spring? Played in the background. Jaebum wants to take the playlist and destroy it, but he pretends the songs don’t make any other effect on him.

“I did it!” Mark has his own wrap proudly on his hands before he handed it over to Jaebum, “Try it?”

“Am I your guinea pig? Does this even taste good?” Jaebum chided as he took the wrap from Mark’s hands.

Mark’s face under the yellow dim lights, his laughter that echoed through the table, and the way their knees touch under them whenever they both moved made Jaebum forget about anything else. It was like magic, the scene engraved clearly in his head and his eyes that he knows he won’t ever forget this day.

They talk about everything, Jaebum forgetting his earlier worry about having nothing to talk about. He forgot, in his worry, that he and Mark share a lot of similarities that it was probably impossible to run out of things to talk about.

Jaebum had dropped his chopsticks and had to ask for new ones thrice that the  _ ahjumma  _ was looking at him annoyingly. He couldn’t help it, he was laughing pretty hard.

The first time because Mark challenged him to use his left hand in eating, Jaebum had dropped the chopsticks five seconds flat as Mark waived his left hand chopsticks eating ability to his face.

“That’s no talent!” Jaebum complained.

“Don’t be a sore loser, Jaebum.” Mark grinned.

The second was in the middle of him telling Mark of the story when he used to still dance in school. He was engrossed in the story and the way that Mark looked and listened to him seriously that he forgot he still had his chopsticks when he clapped his hands.

“Wow you’re clumsy.” Mark remarked, grinning at the way Jaebum gave him the evil eye. “You’re not this clumsy at work.”

Now Jaebum raised his eyebrow, “Really? How many time did I spill cream on the counter? How many times did I spill sugar? How many times did I spill coffee?”

“That’s from nervousness and not clumsiness. Soon, you’ll be confident at work and you won’t think twice about doing anything else anymore.” Mark told him so confidently, staring into his eyes.

Jaebum dropped his chopsticks again.

  
  


Before going home, Mark asked if they could drop by KFC so he could buy dinner for his family. How could Jaebum say no to more time spent together? So they fall in line in KFC, the place pretty busy for a Sunday at 9:30 pm.

“Do you want anything?” Mark asked before he went to the counter and Jaebum shook his head.

Jaebum watched from the side as Mark ordered, his voice so pleasant to listen to that Jaebum couldn’t help but feel a little jealous he can’t hear it clearly. Quickly, he shakes his head from the thoughts and concentrated on the way Mark stood.

“Just need to wait for the order.” Mark came by his side, their shoulders touching.

The few minutes they spent waiting for the order, taking about how the servers must be tired and excited for the end of their shift was just as good as the three hours they spent together during dinner.

Jaebum finally understood that anytime spent with Mark is fun.

  
  


Mark parks in front of his house and Jaebum is quite glad his parents won’t be home until much later to even see him.

“Thank you for today,” Mark was the first to break the silence. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work, then?”

Jaebum nodded, “Yeah. Thank you for today too. That was fun. I had fun.”

“I had fun too.” Mark agreed.

When Jaebum was inside the house, he immediately took his phone and stared at the one photo he took of Mark laughing at him. He rolls his eyes before he opens Messenger to send Mark a message.

**Jaebum: Thank you for today! I had fun even though you were probably faking it. Lol**

Mark doesn’t reply immediately which was a given considering he was probably still driving home. But then his  _ Active 6h  _ changed to  _ Active now  _ that Jaebum almost dropped his phone when he saw the three dots on his screen.

**Mark: What are you saying? I had fun too! This much**

**Mark: [biggest thumbs up]**

**Jaebum: Just one thumbs up?**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: [thumbs up]**

**Mark: is that enough**

**Jaebum: Yep.**

Jaebum grins and couldn’t help the bubbling in his stomach that says he’s more than just smitten with the boy on the other line. He was so much  _ in like _ he couldn’t even put it into words.

  
  
  


Nothing changed at work, not like Jaebum was expecting anything to happen in the first place. But they still talked before work, the latest update in the Attack on Titan manga or the new trailer for this or that movie.

Nothing had changed, yet… a lot did.

“Do you want to come to the mall with me on Friday? It’s snowing, but we can probably get there just fine.” Jinyoung asked Jaebum.

“Sure,” Jaebum answered, knowing quite well that he does not have anything for Friday. He had been planning to sit at home and watch some dramas he missed, a plan that he can change, really.

Then, as if summoned, Mark appeared beside Jaebum. “Can I come? I can pick you all up and drive you there so you won’t get snowed in too much.” He offered with a smile on his face.

“Really? That’ll be great!” Jaebum immediately agreed, already feeling giddy at the prospect of spending more time with Mark outside of work. He doesn’t see the shocked look on Jinyoung’s face, at least, not until Mark had to go back to the drive thru for a customer. “Hey, you okay? I mean, that’s okay I said yes to him coming, right? Jackson has work that day so we don’t have anyone to drive us.”

“Yes, of course that’s okay,” Jinyoung hissed, “but Mark  _ never  _ comes to any of these things even when  _ we ask him _ . This time, we didn’t. He willingly offered to come with us. I… wonder why.” He gave a look at Jaebum that says he more than wonders and has a theory.

Jaebum, smartly, does not ask.

  
  


It became a thing. A thing that, to be honest, Jaebum was not expecting at all. They go out at least once a week by themselves, the only time they went out with the others was that one time Mark offered to drive them to the mall and ended up staying with them to eat lunch and watch the latest movie,  _ Passengers _ .

But they do go out every week, once for breakfast way too early in the morning at 5:30 am to eat at that breakfast restaurant that Mark had told him  _ just because  _ Jaebum might have mentioned he likes pancakes. Then they went to that buffet for lunch, playing finger wrestling as if they weren’t just making excuses to hold each other close.

After that, it was for coffee. Just no particular reason at all, just coffee, wherein they ended up talking together until what ever time in the morning.

Then, there was Valentines Day.

  
  


Jaebum loathed Valentines Day for obvious reasons. His ex had once cheated on him and he found out on Valentines Day just because his ex decided it was time to tell him. During their date. Thank you very much.

So Jaebum was not extremely thrilled at the idea of Valentines Day and neither did Mark, it seems. For no matter how many times they went out, Mark does not say anything about doing  _ something  _ during that week.

Well, that was, until Mark asked him about board games.

“Do you like board games?” Mark asked out of nowhere when it was just the two of them together in the car on the way home.

“Yeah, I do… why?” Jaebum didn’t know what to expect from the question itself so he raised his eyebrow at Mark.

“There’s this place called  _ Across the Board  _ in downtown? And it’s, apparently, one of the best restaurant in town.” Mark sounded nonchalant so Jaebum assumed it was not something huge. “They have board games you can play while you eat too. Do you want to go? I’ve always wanted to try it, but it didn’t feel like I have anyone I can go with.”

Jaebum went through a lot of emotions through that entire sentence alone. But he didn’t let himself get  _ too  _ deflated just because Mark didn’t think of him specifically.

“Sure, when do you want to go?” Jaebum asked.

“How about next week, say Tuesday? You get out early from school that day, right?”

But Jaebum is a fool and just nods, “Yeah, I am.”

  
  


It was only when Jaebum was sitting in class with Nayeon, a new friend he made, that he realized what date that fell in. When he does, he gives a yelp that Nayeon nudged him on the side to keep him quiet.

Jaebum whispered an apology later when they’re walking to a different class.

  
  


Jaebum is confused, uncertain. Where does he stand with Mark right now? They're co-workers and good friends,  _ really  _ good friends actually. But they go out every week, message each other every single day about everything and anything, and sometimes even have hours long conversations through the phone.

Is this what  _ some  _ means? Except, Jaebum is not in Korea and Mark is not Korean either.

“I feel like Mark likes you too, hyung.” Jinyoung had told him one night, when it was just the two of them waiting for Jackson to come pick them up. Mark was on his day off, as well as Jackson.

Jaebum just stared at Jinyoung. “I wish I can believe that, Nyoung.”

“Why don’t you? I mean, I don’t want to assume of course. But, to be quite honest, he hasn’t been this way to anyone at work. He looks at you when you’re not looking and based on what you’re telling me, you basically go on dates every single week.” Jinyoung sounded like he was in disbelief. “Labelling yourself is the only problem here.”

“Exactly.” Jaebum nodded, “What if my label is different from his? What if I’m just a really good  _ guy  _ friend. I mean, we have so many things in common. Of course, we’ll get along well.”

Jinyoung just rolls his eyes at him, “One day, hyung, you’ll just message me out of a sudden that you and Mark are dating. Mark my words.”

Jaebum wishes that he can be as confident as Jinyoung is.

  
  


They can be called co-workers. They can be called friends. They can also be something more. But the thing is, without anyone saying  _ anything  _ or doing something  _ more _ , Jaebum really has no idea where he stands. If there was one thing he doesn’t like, it was not knowing where he stands.

  
  


“Can we… uh,” Jaebum sounded like he was dying, because he really sucks at asking for any favours. “Can we drop by Shopper’s on the way home? I, uh, need to buy cat food for Nora.”

“For Bob?” Mark teased, laughing at the way Jaebum immediately glared at him. “Sorry, sorry. I mean, for Nora?”

“Please?” Jaebum asked again.

“Of course.” Mark grinned, eyes bright and sparkling.

  
  


Mark kept pointing at the dog food beside the cat food aisle and Jaebum was  _ this  _ close to kicking his shin because no one is allowed to make fun of Nora. Really, no one.

“Do you want anything from McDonald’s?” Jaebum asked when they finally picked something. “You did accompany me tonight even though you kept choosing food that will kill Nora in an instant.”

Mark laughs but shook his head. “Nah, not for me. But I’m sure you want strawberry banana smoothie, you’re probably still craving it.”

“That’s true.” Jaebum agreed.

They take the drive thru for McDonald’s and bought a large strawberry banana smoothie for Jaebum. Then they park in front of Jaebum’s house so he could finish his drink.

“So, anyway, did you see that  _ Your Name  _ is going to be shown here?” Mark asked him, already pulling up the website that shows the details for the showing. “It’s only for one day and everyone is already buying tickets. Do you want to go?”

Jaebum eyed him as he took a sip of his smoothie, “Yes, I do. But why do I feel like you’re just inviting me to make fun of me when I cry during the rainbow scene again?”

Mark looked at him as if he was the most innocent person in the whole planet, “Because I know for sure that you will cry during that scene again?”

“You have no feelings if you don’t cry during that scene,” Jaebum announced, sipping his drink continuously.

There was silence in the car and Jaebum was confused because they usually do not run out of things to talk about. When he turns to Mark to ask what’s up with him, he sees that Mark was staring. At him.

“Your lips are dry.” Mark says, something so unexpected that Jaebum was confused.

Jaebum reached for his lips and sure enough, it was dry. He licked them, hoping to get rid of the dryness.

Mark closed his eyes as if he was in pain, “I don’t even know if you’re just leading me on or what…” he groans and looks at Jaebum again.

“What?” Jaebum took a sip of the smoothie and saw the way that Mark followed his actions. Oh.  _ Oh _ . It gave him a sudden burst of confidence. “What do you mean by leading you on, Mark? I think if there was anyone leading someone on somewhere, it would not be me.”

“Because…” Mark swallowed at the way Jaebum had licked his lips again. “Because I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time, and I can’t tell if you want that too or you’re just naturally doing this. To me.”

The burst of confidence is still there, taking over Jaebum’s mind and mouth completely. “Same,” he said, “I want to kiss you too.”

Mark doesn’t waste a second as he immediately leans over and takes Jaebum’s face in his hands to kiss him, his mouth firm as if he wasn’t just questioning himself earlier. Jaebum felt himself tremble and the drink in his hand threatening to fall from his grip.

Jaebum pulls away for a second to put down the drink and he sees Mark looking confused. So he leans over again, this time, taking over the kiss completely.

There was no going back for him.

  
  


**Jaebum: He kissed me.**

**Jinyoung: Told you so, hyung.**

  
  


But the kiss had not meant they were dating, had not meant they were something more. They just kiss each other for the rest of the night, and then the next. And the next. And then some more.

It makes Jaebum breathe with renewed excitement and his whole body tingling with happiness. Then the doubt settles in, the worry and the uncertainty. Because after all, no matter how many times they kiss, he still doesn’t know what they are.

  
  


“Bought the tickets for the 10:30 pm showing.” Mark told him, showing the confirmation to Jaebum. “I’ll pick you up, what? Earlier? Maybe we could have dinner first?”

Jaebum smiles in agreement, “Sure. Around 6 o’clock or is that too early, still?”

“I don’t think so. I think we can do that.” Mark smiles at him and that was the last thing he sees before Mark leans over and kisses him again.

Jaebum forgets everything else. He feels like he was just—up there, floating in the sky. He feels so happy that even Jinyoung teasing him earlier doesn’t even bother him.

  
  
  


It was a week before their  _ Your Name  _ date that everything went downhill fast. Jaebum should have known, really, that no happiness really last forever.

It seemed like a normal date, the ones they usually has that they don’t  _ actually  _ call dates. Jaebum needed to study so he asked Mark if he wants to come with him to Millenium Library in downtown. It was bigger and there were a lot of books, Mark was tempted and gave in immediately.

For hours, Jaebum studied and read about Commercial Law while Mark read through different entrepreneurship books that the library offered. They sat side by side, knees touching under the table and small sneaky smiles here and there. It was nothing, nothing too big and nothing that told Jaebum what was coming.

“Do you want to go eat something?” Mark asked after he felt his head almost drop to the book. He had been reading the same page over and over that his hunger was actually taking over his whole body.

“Where can we go eat?” Jaebum asked, looking up. His wrist does ache from taking notes and he does need the break.

“Do you want to try Kawaii Crepe?” Mark offered, probably already decided he wanted to eat there before even asking Jaebum. “They have bubble tea.”

Jaebum didn’t need to be asked twice.

They both got taro bubble tea each while Mark got something with cheesecake and Jaebum stuck with his Milky Way crepe order. They decided to go back to the car and eat, laughing at how Mark was already moaning about his food and feeling full after three huge bites.

“Do you want to try?” Mark offered, grinning as he pushed the crepe to Jaebum’s.

Jaebum rolled his eyes before taking a bite of Mark’s offered food. It was good, but it really did feel too heavy to eat. 

Then they were driving home and Jaebum, Jaebum who has so many things in his mind, asked a stupid question.

“What are we?” Jaebum asked, looking at Mark.

Mark blinked, eyes still on the road. His whole body stiffened and Jaebum saw the way his hands seemed to clutch on the wheel tighter. It was then that Jaebum realized he had asked the wrong question—or that he should not have asked at all.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t need to—“ Jaebum apologized, his hands already cold from nervousness.

“You shouldn’t—“ Mark shook his head, “You shouldn’t apologize.”

When they parked, Mark turned to look at him. It wasn’t cold, but the way he looked at Jaebum told him not move closer.

“We should go back to being friends.” Mark said simply, looking pained but also looking like he was decided on his words. “I’m sorry, but you’re right. We should go back to being friends.”

“No,” Jaebum felt his mouth open, “I didn’t—“  _ didn’t say anything. I’m sorry. I take it back. Let’s just stay the way we are. _

But Mark had quietly asked him to go, to leave him alone in his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, but can we just go back to being friends?” Mark looked at him, eyes begging. “No more kisses, I promise. I shouldn’t have done it anyway, I was too impulsive. I’m sorry.”

Jaebum didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that Mark wanted to go back to being friends or the fact that Mark was even apologizing.

  
  


**Mark: let’s cancel the your name date, i’ll give you the tickets back if you want to watch it with someone else**

**Mark: I don’t think i can watch a romantic movie with you rn i’m sorry**

**Jaebum: I don’t want it if I’m not going with you.**

**Mark: i’m sorry, but i should not have confused you like that**

**Mark: i should have told you beforehand, i was too impulsive and dragged you into my mess**

**Mark: i’m not ready for a relationship yet, i’m sorry**

**Mark: i’m sorry that i’m not sure about this yet**

**Mark: this is all my fault, i know**

**Mark: can we go back to being friends?**

And Jaebum, stupid  _ stupid  _ Jaebum said yes.

  
  


**Jaebum: Mark rejected me.**

**Jinyoung: What???**

**Jaebum: He wanted to go back to being friends again. He said he was just too impulsive. You were wrong all along.**

**Jinyoung: Hyung no…**

**Jinyoung: Did he… say he was afraid of commitments?**

**Jaebum: he said he was not ready to be in a relationship yet**

**Jaebum: he wants to go back to being just friends and if that’s what he wants then that’s what i’m giving him**

**Jinyoung: I’m sorry, hyung.**

Jaebum doesn’t know why, but it felt like Jinyoung was apologizing for something more.

  
  


The trailer for  _ Your Name  _ made Jaebum feel like throwing up. He saw the trailer on the ads in Facebook and he all but reported it for harassment. It was stupid. He was being stupid.

Mark had not changed. He had not changed with the way he treated Jaebum. He still smiled when he got in. He still offered to help Jaebum with his work. He still rescued him if he needed it. He still replied to any messages, sent him links to any new shows. He still drove Jaebum home as if nothing had happened.

To Mark, nothing had changed. So Jaebum just let it be and knew that it was up to him to do the damage control.

Jaebum changed with the way he reacted to Mark. He doesn’t look Mark’s way as much as he could. He tried not to make any mistakes so that there wasn’t a need for anyone else. He doesn’t send the messages first, doesn’t share the funny posts he found. He goes down as soon as he thanked Mark for the ride.

Jaebum knows he promised Mark that they would be friends, but he can’t do it when he feels his heart being broken into so many pieces. It was fine, though. It’s still early, at least his heart won’t get  _ too  _ broken because he found out early in that Mark wasn’t ready for him.

Because Jaebum knows that if given the chance and given the time, he could fall madly in love with Mark. He could fall for him so hard that he would have no idea what to do when it ends. So, yeah, maybe it’s better that Mark cuts him off right now.

  
  


“Nora?” Jaebum gets inside the house one day after school. It was one of those days that he and Mark usually goes out on one of their unofficial dates. Today, they did not have anything planned because. Well. Jaebum wasn’t sure he could take it.

He walks inside the house and was wondering why he couldn’t find his cat anywhere. Nora usually comes in to greet him as soon as the door opens. Confused, he puts down his belongings and looks for Nora.

Nora was not inside his bedroom.

Nora was not in the living room or his parent’s room.

Nora was not in the kitchen or the bathroom.

Jaebum was panicking a little because he could not find Nora anywhere, and the chance that Nora could have gotten out the house and lost makes him nervous.

When he gets to the living room, he feels his heart drop.

“Nora!” Jaebum falls to floor and takes his cat in his arms. She wasn’t moving, but Jaebum could feel a faint heartbeat. He tried poking her and putting her down, but Nora was not moving at all. Her eyes were moving, following him.

He called his parents, who, of course, did not answer because they were both at work. He raked his brain of people to call and before he knew it, he was calling Mark.

“Jaebum?” Mark answered after three rings.

“Nora is not responding to me! Are you free? Can you… can you come drive us to the vet? I don’t want to take the bus and a taxi is not safe…” Jaebum could feel his heart plunge to his stomach at the thought of the clock ticking and Nora fading away. “Please?”

Without hesitation, Mark answered, “I’ll be there in ten.”

  
  


Nora made it through, her vitals faint but the vet told Jaebum she would keep Nora for observation. She didn’t sound hopeful, but it was probably Jaebum’s tears that got her to say that Nora has a chance.

That was all that Jaebum wanted right now, really. Jaebum just needs Nora to be okay.

“It’s fine,” Mark help his hand throughout the whole ordeal, “Bob is strong. She’ll be back to normal in no time.”

  
  


When Mark drove Jaebum home after leaving Nora at the vet, he locked the car even before Jaebum could say  _ thank you  _ and then leave.

“You said we could be friends.” Mark said, his words were accusing but his voice was not. He definitely knows whose fault this is. “But you have been avoiding me.”

“I can’t help it.” Jaebum looked at him, “When I get my feelings settled in, I know I’ll be able to be friends with you again. Until then, can you let me deal with my feelings for you. It’s really hard being the one who fell first and fell harder, okay?”

Mark didn’t say anything, his eyes wide with disbelief.

“It’s hard when I like you more than you will ever like me, so just let me be for now.” Jaebum continued, “I promise that in a few weeks, I’ll be fine. Then I can be friends with you again like I promised.”

“Did you… did you really think you’re the one who fell first and fell harder?” Mark asked and out of all the things that Jaebum had just said, he wasn’t expecting that to be the next words out of Mark’s mouth.

“Yeah,” Jaebum just answered because he knows. “You just started noticing me after I showed interest, didn’t you?”

Mark laughed, shallow and a little bit hysterical. “Jaebum, you wouldn’t have even noticed  _ me  _ if  _ I  _ had not shown you interest first. I was the first one to talk to you, to approach you and help you. It was me, not you.”

Jaebum’s forehead crinkled as he tried to think it through. He can’t remember, but he does have a vague memory of Mark being the first one to come to him. But no, Mark coming to him first doesn’t mean Mark was the first one to fall for him.

“Why would I come talk to you if I didn’t find you cute or interesting at all?” Mark asked, eyes serious and piercing. “I came to talk to you, found the stupidest and little reasons to ask you. I helped you even though I wasn’t supposed to. I offered to drive you home and talked to you even though, and I know you know this, I don’t go out with anyone at work.”

“But you’re not sure about me.” Jaebum repeated Mark’s words because he couldn’t help his beating heart. It was hoping, hoping and hoping and he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t.

“No, I was not sure about you, but—“ Mark looked at him, “I am now.”


	4. Pure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the lovely comments from the last chapter, that was more than i hoped for! i hope you all like the next one too and please do continue to share with me your thoughts and comment!

When relationships are new, there are a million things you do not understand. There are a lot of lines that needs to be drawn or lines that should  _ be  _ crossed. It’s a mixture of finding out how well you and that person works, and getting to know them better.

Everything is in its purest form, where you show the other person your best side and then aim for them to slowly get to know you better—to like you better. Peel off your masks one by one.

Because love is pure with no questions asked.

“We’re watching…” Mark mimics a drum roll and grins even more when Jaebum immediately follows after him. “We’re watching  _ Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. II  _ in 3D on the opening day!”

Jaebum’s eyes went huge, both in excitement and in surprise. In the time he and Mark had known each other and in the time they have officially been seeing each other, although quite short if you think about it, the other boy had only asked him out… Jaebum can actually count the number of times Mark had asked him out and it wasn’t the other way around.

But for some reason, even though they’ve officially been dating for two months but they count it as three months now, Mark looks at him brightly as if he’s asking him out on a date for the first time ever.

“I’m asking you out on a date,” Mark says as if he had heard Jaebum’s thoughts, “Like, a proper date. When was the last time we had a proper date where we didn’t just go with the flow? Wherein we actually know where we’re going and what we’re doing next?”

Jaebum pondered about it and truthfully, he can’t remember. They always go out every week, more than once a week sometimes, but it was always a “let’s go buy something” that turns to a “let’s spend the whole night together” and Jaebum still considers them a date.

“I’m paying for everything on this date,” Mark announced “We’re doing this properly this time.”

And so they are.

  
  


Jaebum was nervously tugging on his chosen shirt and jeans along with his hoodie he picked out just in case it was cold inside the theater. He brought a bag and his bus pass because Mark said he’s not bringing a car this time.

At exactly 2:00 pm, Mark knocks on the door. Jaebum knows because he was watching by the window, waiting for his boyfriend (he feels his heart soar a little at this word).

“Are you ready?” Mark looks at him, smiling as if the sun outside was dim and he needed to make up for it. He was wearing long sleeves, but it wasn’t thick enough. He has a hoodie on his arms too, prepared for later.

Jaebum narrowed his eyes, “Do you even know what bus we have to ride?”

Mark grins at him, “Nah, that’s your forte. So, what bus are we taking?”

Jaebum rolls his eyes as he tries to hide the smile that was threatening to break out in his face. Damn Mark, he was too happy about all this.

The next bus won’t be for about 20 more minutes so Jaebum lets Mark in. As soon as he does, Mark pushes him to the wall in the hallway with his eyes looking dark. Jaebum couldn’t move even if he wanted to (and he does because  _ he  _ wants to be the one pushing Mark on the wall).

“We have time, right?” Mark’s words were so close to his ears.

Jaebum nodded, but no words came out because soon Mark has Jaebum’s mouth covered with his own, swallowing any words that would have gone out. It was fully-consuming, the kind that makes your toe curl at the way they were clinging on to each other.

It got them late for the bus so they needed to wait for another 20 minutes that they spent kissing again. They do get to ride the next bus though, laughter evident on their faces as they laughed throughout the ride.

“Can we get coffee, please?” Jaebum asked as soon as they stepped foot inside the mall. There weren’t a lot of people because it was a Thursday afternoon.

“Starbucks or Tim’s?” Mark asked teasingly.

“Starbucks,” Jaebum doesn’t even flinch when he answers.

He gets an Americano because he wants to be awake the whole time and the whole night, he wants to remember every single detail. Mark gets a cream frappucino with caramel drizzle because he has no idea what to order.

“What time does the movie start?” Jaebum asked Mark, taking a sip as they walked side by side. Not too close, but not too far apart. It was just enough to be called friends, but not too much that they look like they’re casual ones.

Mark checks his phone, “We have an hour and a half. What do you want to do?”

Jaebum winks, “The usual.”

Their usual consisted of Disney Store, Pylon (an anime, television and just fandom store), EB Games and then they end it by going to HMV. It was their routine and they have gone here numerous of times, but they still were excited as they pointed to here and there.

“Time to go?” Jaebum asked when he sees Mark looking at the time.

“Yeah, let’s go buy popcorn too.” Mark put away his phone and smiled at Jaebum brightly. “I’m so excited to see  _ Guardians of the Galaxy  _ again. I’m excited for Star Lord again!”

“I’m only excited for Groot.” Jaebum laughed.

They reached the theatres in record time, too busy discussing the first movie and the promises of the second movie. When they get there, they start walking closer.

Everyone is too busy to notice anyone else so they get to walk together side by side, their hands brushing against each other as they waited in line to pick-up their tickets. They were leaning close to each other as they ordered their popcorns and chose M&M’s for their sweets.

Buzzing with excitements, they take their seats. Mark had bought them the middle ones where you have the best view of the screen. The theatre was soon filled with people for the first day of showing.

“Thank you,” Jaebum whispers as the lights close because the date has only started and he can already tell he’ll remember this night for the rest of his life.

“Finish the date first.” Mark answers back, laughing a little.

  
  


The movie was amazing, and if Jaebum was to rate it, could even be better than the first movie when it comes to judging the jokes and the sountrack used. Everyone was so engrossed in the whole show, Jaebum could feel everyone in the theatre reacting to every joke made.

Mark had removed the armrest in the middle of the movie so he could wrap his arms around Jaebum. They stayed like that throughout the whole time, until… the tears started falling.

“I’m Mary Poppins ya’ll.” Jaebum muttered back, tearing up. He could tell Mark was, too, with the way he was breathing.

When the lights came back up, the armrest was back in place and they were chatting excitedly about the whole movie, throwing one joke after the other. They laugh about everything, cry about that scene and just appreciate how good the whole Vol. II was.

“That was so worth it,” Jaebum announced, smiling at Mark.

“So, so worth it.” Mark agreed.

  
  


They get dinner in the food court, but it was fine. They didn’t need something extravagant as they discuss the whole movie from the start to the finish. Mark was eating Thai and Jaebum got Korean.

The whole place was filled with conversations, but it doesn’t matter because they were in their own world. Mark smiles at Jaebum and Jaebum smiles back at him.

“Thank you.” Jaebum thanks him again and he can see the slight blush and the way Mark looks away. “That was the best.”

With having no car, they take the bus. There weren’t a lot of people in the bus so they sit at the very back, sitting close to each other with their thighs touching and their fingers intertwined. It was taking a chance, not being sure of the outcome, but tonight felt magical as if there was nothing that could go wrong.

“Uh, why are we going down here? There are more buses if we go down the next stop—“ Jaebum looked at Mark as he pulled the string, indicating they were going down the next stop. “O...kay. This stop then.”

Mark just smiles brilliantly at him as if he knew something. Jaebum tries not to ask any questions as they go down the bus stop into the quiet and dark night. There weren’t anyone else out in the whole neighbourhood, all the street lights were on but all the doors were closed. It was just them.

“I wanted to…” Mark grabbed Jaebum’s hands in his and tugged on him, indicating to start walking. “Walk you home properly. I never get to, because I always drive you home.”

“You say that as if driving me home is a horrible thing to do,” Jaebum laughs as he lets Mark lead the way. This was a date that Mark had pictured in his head when he invited him to go out today. He felt his heart swell and there were three words stuck at the tip of his tongue that he doesn’t say out loud.

It was quiet, the whole street. You can tell that everyone was inside their home because the lights inside the houses were on, probably filled with families who are having the chance to enjoy this night together.

“I enjoyed the whole movie,” Jaebum had a lot of things he wanted to say out loud, but this was the easiest one—the best thing to say out loud. “The whole night is, actually. It was perfect.”

Mark’s clasp on his hand tightened, “To be honest, that’s true. I feel like tonight was just perfect from the afternoon with you to the movie earlier, and now this.” He indicated to their hands intertwined together and the way they were walking side by side each other. “Thank you for humouring me tonight.”

“As long as it’s my chance next time to choose the date and pay for everything.” Jaebum teased, nudging Mark’s shoulder with his. “Tonight was perfect, seriously I have no complaints at all.”

“Really?” Mark suddenly halted walking and Jaebum was surprised when the other boy tugged him closer to him. “How about this?” And Mark leans in closer to Jaebum, their lips just a breathe away— _ just a little bit more.  _ “What else could make tonight anymore perfect?”

Jaebum didn’t need to be asked twice as he let go of Mark’s hands just so he could wrap it around the other boy’s shoulders and close that gap between their lips. It started off hard, fast, but ended up sweet and lingering, the kind that makes your heart drop to your stomach.

“ _ Now  _ it’s perfect.” Jaebum whispers.

They laugh together under the moonlight, no one else was around to see them and the way they looked at each other. It was an experience they couldn’t put into words, that it was just them against the world.

When they arrive at the street corner near Jaebum’s house, they hug each other tight as if they hadn’t just spent more than 8 hours together. It was a tight hug that was a hard good bye, and kisses that were far more lingering than it usually was when they were saying goodbye after getting off work.

It really felt like a date through and through.

“It’s so hard to say goodbye, why?” Jaebum asked as he buried his face on Mark’s neck, inhaling the boy’s smell and trying to keep it in his memory. He wanted to keep everything about tonight in his memory as much as he could. He wants to remember every single touch, every single word, every single scent and mark it in his memory forever.

“I know,” Mark was hugging him tightly back, as if he was afraid to let go too. “It’s not like we’re not going to see each other this weekend. But it feels different? Kind of harder somehow?”

Jaebum just nodded and let himself be content to be in Mark’s arms for a few more seconds—minutes, because the reality is he wants to stay in Mark’s arms forever.

“I like you so much.” Mark whispers before pressing a soft kiss on Jaebum’s cheeks. “I’ll see you on Saturday? I’ll pick you up the same time, okay?”

Jaebum nodded, letting go and stepping away from Mark’s space to bid him goodbye too. “I’ll see you in two days, then.”

  
  


When everything is shiny and new, you can’t help but want to always have it beside you. You want to hold it in your hands and get to know every single surface, every single smoothness or crease. Isn’t it the same thing as falling for the other person right in front of you?

Don’t you want to know every single thing about them? Every single thing...

...about their family?

“I grew up here, Tammy was the only one born in Taiwan before we moved here. Me, I was born here. I still know a little bit of Chinese though, Mandarin, my Mom and Dad still speak it at home.” Mark explained when the topic of language came up. “You, you grew up in Korea, right?”

“I was a Seoul person through and through, never thought I’d leave the country and move somewhere else.” Jaebum confided in Mark, “I wanted to travel, I always thought I’d end up travelling. My parents wanted to move, though. As their only child and son, of course I would follow.”

Mark smiles, “I’m glad you moved here, though. I’m glad your parents wanted to.”

...about their childhood?

“Oh, I was an excited kid.” Mark assured him, “I participated in everything in class from sports to dancing to arts. I was active in all the school clubs and only comes home to change my clothes. I have a lot of trophies at home. My sister has more, though.”

“Tammy is just way too athletic and popular, huh?” Jaebum asked, already having heard of Tammy from Jinyoung and the others back at work.

“Yeah, she was older than me by just a year. Everyone at school knew who she was and had kept a watchful eye on me, her brother.” Mark shrugged, “Well, I was an extremely active until middle school?”

...about the worst time in their life?

“I was bullied because I was too ‘pretty’,” Mark seemed to spit out the words and Jaebum wants to hug Mark and never let go. “I wasn’t too manly for their taste. I wasn’t as sporty as my sister. I was just… mediocre at everything. One of the guys my grade just…”

Jaebum’s hold on Mark was tight, reassuring. He wanted to hear, wanted to know, but would never push.

“He started making fun of me that all my friends slowly left my side so they won’t get picked on either. He pushed me in the corridors, teased me by calling me  _ gay  _ in front of the whole school—which was true, but you know? I had no idea yet then, how to even come out to my own parents, much more so my own school.”

“You were forced by someone you didn’t even trust just so they would have something against you.” Jaebum nodded, “I know how that feels.”

Mark looked at him curiously, “What do you mean?”

“I told you my parents left Korea because it was their choice.” Jaebum looked down at his thighs in embarrassment, “But the truth is, they left Korea because I was gay.”

Mark looked like he didn’t completely understand where Jaebum was going with what he was saying.

“Being a gay guy in Korea isn’t really the best place to be at…” Jaebum smiled sadly, remembering the hard choice his parents had made at leaving their country behind just so their son would be able to freely love who he wants to love.

...about their lowest moments?

“Dropping out of College, definitely.” Mark poked at Jaebum’s stomach and the way his boyfriend was laughing, “Don’t laugh. I know you think I’m smart, and I am, I think. But after I failed that class and didn’t get into second year… well, I lost all interest in studying.”

“And you decided to go full-time at work and never go back to school again?” Jaebum asked.

“That’s the plan. I want to open up my own business and get rich without needing to step foot in front of a classroom ever again.” Mark explained, “While my boyfriend…”

...and just everything about what makes them who they are?

“I  _ cannot  _ believe that you do not think ghosts are true!” Jaebum looked unbelievable at the way Mark was just smiling there. “You have never, ever even seen a ghost? Or felt their presence,  _ ever _ ?”

“Yeah, no. Unless I actually see one right in front of me, I don’t think I’ll believe they actually exist.” Mark shrugged, obviously amused at the way that Jaebum was reacting.

“Well, I have and I believe in them.” Jaebum shook his head as if Mark not believing in ghosts is one great flaw in his personality. “You’re probably like Shane, eh?”

“Definitely like Shane. It’s why I like Shane.” Mark immediately agreed. “And you’re… Ryan, I’m guessing.”

“Because ghosts  _ are  _ real,” Jaebum insisted.

  
  


The truth is that Jaebum had realized he loved Mark long before Mark had first kissed him. It was a feeling he had long kept hidden in him, held on the tip of his tongue but not said out loud. He remembers the way that Mark had reacted before and he really doesn’t want a repeat of that right now.

Jaebum knows he shouldn’t be the first one to say it, knows he has to wait until Mark is ready and that Mark knows how he feels. It was scary, waiting, scary even thinking that Mark might never ever feel the same way.

_ But I should let him settle down and realize his own feelings _ , Jaeum knows this. Because even if he and Mark had only known each other for a few months, he knows Mark a lot more than he lets on.

Jaebum knows that if he says those three words, Mark would accept it. He knows that Mark won’t see it as Jaebum pushing his feelings.

But Jaebum also knows that Mark would feel pressured, would feel bad that he doesn’t feel the same way and would force himself to say the words back.

No, Jaebum wants Mark to feel the same way by himself. He wants Mark to realize he loves Jaebum by himself, he wants him to find out by himself without any help from someone else. What help would it be if he forced himself on Mark?

So he keeps it in after every day spent with Mark. So he keeps it in after kisses and after every tight hug. So he keeps it in every night as he falls in bed and whispers his feeling to the air.

Because the truth is, he does. Jaebum does very very much.

  
  


Jaebum’s class had a “field trip” of some sort to the Museum of Human Rights. Jaebum was excited because it meant finding out about the history of the legal system here in Canada. He was positively buzzing in excitement that even Nayeon was infected.

“We can go to The Forks before we start the tour,” Nayeon announced, nudging him. “Lunch there before we enjoy learning about the system of Canada and Winnipeg, in general.”

Jaebum laughs. “I’m going to meet Mark after that too.. We’re going to The Forks too, I think.”

“Whatever, we’re still going before that.” Nayeon sounded sure. She doesn’t have any complaints, really. She knows that Mark probably wants to show Jaebum around one of the few things in Winnipeg that is actually pretty.

“I’m actually so excited about this!” Jaebum was buzzing, excited for the tour and with his date too.

  
  


Nayeon bought the two of  them food from the numerous places to eat in the middle of The Forks. She was excited about the trip too, talking in rapid Korean as she pointed out places her and her family used to go to when they were still kids.

“The Museum is right around the corner so there is nothing to worry about, we’re not going to be late.” Nayeon urged him to eat and Jaebum does, even though he was so excited about eating this morning to mind his stomach.

They get to the Museum in record time and Jaebum appreciated the aesthetic beauty of it from outside. It was a big building with tons of glasses and just looked like a piece of art from the outside. Not to mention, it holds one of the best history in place too.

“I have only went here maybe once during elementary school with my class.” Nayeon whispered to him as they entered through the entrance at the side, “I didn’t really appreciate it much because it was too boring for a kid like me. Now, everything looks amazing.”

“There are just some things that older adults get to appreciate more than kids so.” Jaebum whispers back.

The guy who was to be their tour guide gathered their whole class together and started introducing himself. Then they moved over to The Wall next and he talked in rapid English that Jaebum understood, but his mind was floating a bit. Especially since he saw the Korean writing on The Wall too. He smiles.

Museum of Human Rights was a huge building that you would not be able to appreciate in just an hour and a half that their tour guide was given to them. So after the tour, of which Jaebum had learned a considerable amount of things, they were left to their own devices to go back to the floors that they liked or to see more of what they didn’t get to see.

He and Nayeon decided to go back to the the places they wanted to see and read the writings better, even taking notes of the ones they wanted to search for when they get out of here. In a whole, they ended it by climbing to the top tower where they have the perfect view of The Forks and downtown Winnipeg.

“Winnipeg is pretty boring.” Nayeon said, as it was just the truth. “There’s nothing to do here when you compare it to other cities. But when you’re up here and the sky is bright blue, everything just looks so peaceful and beautiful.”

Jaebum nodded as he raised his phone to take a photo from the top.

**Jaebum: [photo of the top of museum of human rights]**

**Jaebum: I learned so much with such little time and enjoyed every single place. I want to come back and see it together with you.**

**Jaebum: The top is so pretty too.**

**Mark: one day, we should go**

**Mark: are you almost done there?**

**Mark: should i get ready to leave?**

**Jaebum: almost. Nayeon and I are staying for 30 more minutes. I can just wait for you in The Forks.**

He and Nayeon toured some more until their feet hurts from all the walking they did. When they were finally pretty pleased with learning everything they could, they finally let go of Museum of Human Rights to exit the building.

“It’s such a beautiful day today,” The sun is shining pretty brightly even though it was still windy. It’s not so bad, especially in Winnipeg standards. “I’ll see you back in school tomorrow, oppa?”

“Yeah,” Jaebum waved goodbye at her as she entered her car, “I’ll wait for Mark in The Forks. He said he was on the way earlier so he should be here soon.”

“That’s good,” Nayeon winked, “it’s not good to keep you waiting.”

  
  


Mark arrived not too long after Nayeon had left. He parked somewhere near and sneaked up on where Jaebum was sitting on one of the benches outside, intent on reading his book.

“I almost dropped my book!” Jaebum complained as Mark took the seat beside him, obviously pleased with himself. He hit Mark lightly, but not too hard because it really was such a good day today.

“Come on, I’m introducing you to something really important today,” Mark urged him to get up and Jaebum follows soon after, wondering what he meant.

It was apparently the mini donut stand and they each get their own dozen pieces. It was hot, but Jaebum was introduced to a beautiful thing as he took the first bite. Mark looked so pleased with himself at Jaebum’s reaction.

“Best thing ever, right?” Mark said, as he ate his own.

They walk together side by side, but not too close. It was a quiet day outside, but there were still a few people with their kids or people who are just walking together like they were. They followed the path, just enjoying the sunlight and the peace.

“Flying to LA in a week,” Mark remarked, looking at Jaebum. “You said you wanted a Bella or Draco wand, right? Anything else?”

“I am both extremely jealous you get to go to Wizarding World of Harry Potter before I would be able to, and excited that I’m getting a wand out of it. It’s also sad because I won’t get to see you for a whole week,” Jaebum replied and was pleased at the way Mark’s cheeks reddened at his declaration.

“Just a week then…” Mark held his hand and lead him to a stone carving where they could take a seat side by side. “Better make the best out of it, right?”

“Right,” Jaebum moved closer to Mark. “You look really good in your outfit today, by the way.” Which was extremely true because Mark’s red hair showcases his white shirt only covered with a grey hoodie, black skinnies and his black sneakers.

“I do?” Mark asked, looking down at himself and looking thoroughly confused. It sounded as if he doesn’t actually know what Jaebum had meant with his compliment.

“Huh?” Jaebum eyed Mark, “Don’t tell me you don’t know how good-looking you are? And your personality too? There’s a reason everyone at work is just so in love with you, you know?”

“Isn’t it because I’m nice?” Mark tilted his head in question, “Everyone wants me to be nice to them, and I try to be.”

Jaebum shook his head, “Oh, wow. I had no idea that  _ you  _ had no idea. I thought you did, and that’s why you try to charm the hell out everyone at work. Especially me. But me? I like it when you’re sarcastic too.”

Mark raised an eyebrow, “Didn’t you just admit before that you liked me because I was nice to you during your first week at work?”

Jaebum shrugged, “Yeah, that’s also true. But slowly you… changed, you know? You started becoming sarcastic with me, and showing your true colors. I like you that way more, I like it when you feel like you can be yourself with me.”

Mark was quiet as he stared at Jaebum, searching and just  _ looking _ . 

“What?” Jaebum nudged Mark.

“Why… why do you even like me so much? I don’t understand.” Mark sounded like he was in disbelief and he tugged at Jaebum’s hands, “Thank you.”

Jaebum smiles, “It’s not something to thank me for.”

  
  


It was slowly getting dark and Mark suggested they get up to the top of The Forks. He and Jaebum had a race on who gets to the top first with it being a close fight and Jaebum only winning by one step. He laughs at Mark who was pouting, in disbelief at losing.

“You lost!” Jaebum poked Mark, but the other boy was looking at somewhere behind him.

“Look behind you,” Mark smiled, all the petty complaints about losing gone from his face.

Jaebum slowly did and he gasped at the sight in front of him. It wasn’t as high as the one they were at in the Museum of Human Rights. It was, after all, maybe only three or four flights of stairs. But it was high enough to let him see the view of the river in front of him and the sun setting that was currently happening at that moment, with the water having splashes of red and orange. Everything was happening below them, but up here it seemed as if it was peaceful.

Mark enveloped him in a hug, Mark’s chest pressed on Jaebum’s back. He rested his chin on Jaebum’s shoulders and pressed her cheeks together.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mark asked, “You just need to catch the perfect timing.”

Jaebum’s heart swelled so much at those words. These arms around him, the words spoken beside his ears and the sight in front of him. So many feelings that he couldn’t quite hold together. He has so many thing he wants to say, so many feelings he wants to express. But the actual words he does want to say is kept hidden at the tip of his tongue because Im Jaebum is madly—

“I love you.”

Jaebum’s eyes widened at the words spoken  _ to  _ him. He turns back, tries to, because Mark’s hold on him was tighter than what he was expecting. He wants to see, wants to check and make sure that this was real.

“I do, I love you.” Mark whispers again.

Jaebum could feel tears stinging the corner of his eyes, but he doesn’t let them flow in fear. “Do you, really? Is this true? You’re not just reflecting what I want you to say? What I’ve always wanted you to say?”

“I love you.” Mark repeats, firmer this time.

“I love you too.” Jaebum answers back.

Mark lets go of his hold enough for Jaebum to face him, and under the sunset and the quiet of Winnipeg, they kiss each other and declare their love.

Some would say it was too early, too fast. They have only known each other for a few months and dated even shorter than that, but Jaebum knows how he feels. He doesn’t think it’s wrong or rushed at all, in fact, it feels  _ just right. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip kim jonghyun. you did so well, love.


	5. Passion

People say passion is that hot burning feeling of wanting to have the other person near you, for you to be able to touch them beyond what is normally allowed. It’s the  _ need  _ for something more, for something what other people does not have access to.

It’s the naked need, want and desire for the other person to have them in the rawest way possible. To kiss them throughout the night, touch them everywhere, and to feel their love seeping into your skin.

But if you ask Jaebum, passion doesn’t need to be just making out and sex. To him, passion is the feeling of wanting to hold the other person’s hand always and to have their warm hug back to your arms.

_ Day One _

**Jaebum: it’s so long**

**Jinyoung: hyung, calm down it’s been only a day and a half**

**Jaebum: he just landed in LA and is probably with his family now getting to know them again**

**Jinyoung: and he will be there for a few more days so can you please calm down**

**Jaebum: I just miss him??**

**Jinyoung: wow why are you guys not this cheesy when you’re around us**

**Jaebum: Because being cheesy and cringey is your and Jackson’s forte?**

Mark’s last message was sent 10 hours ago before they flew from Vancouver. Jaebum knows that Mark and his family had probably landed in Los Angeles already and is with his extended family, getting to know his cousins again.

Jaebum tries really hard not to miss Mark too much when it’s only been one and a half day, according to Jinyoung. But truthfully, one and a half day feels like one and a half week for him because unlike any other day, he  _ knows  _ that Mark is so far from his reach.

Shaking his head, he decides to open his notes and study instead. It wasn’t good to dwell on missing Mark right now. Mark had been talking about this vacation to Los Angeles ever since he’s known the other man and Mark is probably too excited to even message him.

**Mark: just got enough time to unpack and get to bed, i’ll message u again tomorrow**

**Mark: i’m so tired but my nieces are so pretty and cute**

**Mark: [photo of Mark’s nieces with himself grinning at the camera]**

**Mark: don’t they take after me?**

**Jaebum: shut up and go to sleep**

**Jaebum: Your nieces are cute, but I think they take after your older sister more than you.**

**Mark: nah i think they take after me when it comes to cuteness**

**Mark: but goodnight**

**Jaebum: Goodnight.**

_ I miss you.  _ Jaebum doesn’t type out because it’s so silly to miss someone when you just saw each other one and a half a day ago. So he keeps it to himself and grins at the photo that Mark just sent. He saves it then goes back to his notes.

  
  
  


_ Day Two _

“You’re distracted,” Nayeon says the moment she slides next to Jaebum on one of the tables outside. It was summer after all, and there were not a lot of people in school. Just law students, it turns out.

“Hello to you too,” Jaebum greets, skimming through the handwritten notes he made.

“Oh, did Mark already leave for the States?” Nayeon coos, “Do you miss your boyfriend, oppa?”

Jaebum ignores her, but couldn’t help immediately grabbing his phone when he sees it light up with Mark’s name.

**Mark: [short clip from inside the car of the road outside]**

**Mark: my uncle drives so fast, i wish we can drive this fast in winnipeg**

**Jaebum: good morning to you too**

**Mark: :)**

**Mark: we are on our way to some kind of food trip to celebrate my aunt’s birthday and impending wedding**

**Mark: free food**

**Jaebum: Tell me how it goes! And take photos of the food!**

**Jaebum: Also, don’t sound so negative about your aunt’s wedding. You’ll look great on the suit.**

“Yup, you definitely miss Mark.” Nayeon had decided, not even minding the glare that Jaebum had just thrown to her. “Come on, oppa. We need to walk to class or else people will take our seats.”

Jaebum sighed and picked up his belongings, checking his phone one last time. Mark hasn’t said anything else and he knows they’re probably almost there. He hides his phone and turns his attention on Nayeon, knowing the other girl is not going to be amused any longer if he continues checking his phone.

“Let’s take our seats,” Jaebum announced, laughing when Nayeon immediately raced for the front gates.

  
  


When Jaebum gets out of class five hours later, he was tired from overthinking and all the note taking he had done. He has a lot of homework he has to do and papers that needs to be done. Sometimes he forgets why he even decided to take more classes during the summer, he should have just waited until the Fall term.

“Oppa, let’s go get late lunch!” Nayeon calls for him, already by the door and just waiting for him to follow her out. He waves for her to go before him, “I won't buy you food, oppa!” But she goes first, walks away to leave him.

Jaebum walks slowly as he reads the messages on his phone. It was surprisingly a large number of photos and messages, Mark made good on his promise to show him everywhere he goes.

**Mark: [photo of sushi]**

**Mark: you’re going to love it here**

**Mark: their sushi is great**

**Mark: but i am also full**

**Mark: [photo of burger and fries]**

**Mark: uncle said we’re going for a “snack” but if you look at the size of this burger, i wouldn’t describe it as a snack**

**Mark: i am sooo full**

**Mark: [photo of a melting ice cream]**

**Mark: more snacks**

**Mark: [pouting at the camera]**

**Mark: it’s only my first day here and my uncle wants to fatten us up**

**Mark: and dinner is supposed to be buffet**

**Mark: idk if i’ll survive**

**Mark: idk if my suit will fit me soon either**

**Mark: i think i’ll die soon**

**Jaebum: Oh wow I’m jealous. I’m stuck here in Winnipeg with the same old menu for lunch and you’re eating all these good food and complaining abt it???**

Mark doesn’t reply soon which Jaebum doesn’t take as something weird because he was most definitely busy. Instead, Jaebum saves all the photos again. When he sees Nayeon, she has a plate of fettucine alfredo for him.

“Thank you!!” Jaebum squishes beside Nayeon, nudging the girl. “You’re the best.”

“Just got to take care of my love sick oppa,” she grins back at him.

  
  
  


**Mark: [photo of an expensive looking buffet place]**

**Mark: [photo of his plate full of different kinds of food]**

**Mark: wish u were here**

Jaebum feels his heart squeeze and his urge to touch Mark, to have him  _ close  _ to him be even more. It was like a huge wave of feelings that he doesn’t know how to handle.

**Jaebum: I miss you.**

Because fuck it, two and a half day is enough to miss someone. Especially when that someone is a person you love the way that Jaebum loves Mark.

  
  


_ Day Three _

Mark goes to Wizarding World of Harry Potter next. Jaebum knows and is very much well-educated at where and how gorgeous the place is because Mark had actually sent him so many spams of messages about it.

**Mark: it’s so HOT in here but it is just so PRETTY**

**Mark: the line is so long but idc tammy and i are waiting to get in olivanders**

**Mark: got meself a wand and a wand for u too**

**Mark: you’ll love your bella wand**

**Mark: tammy was so jealous but she already got her luna wand and couldn’t exchange it back**

**Mark: [photo of a paper bag from olivanders]**

**Mark: !!!!! So excited for u to see it**

**Mark: SO I GOT THE GRYFFINDOR ROBES**

**Mark: [photo of mark wearing the gryffindor robes in front of hogwarts]**

**Mark: it’s hella expensive but hella worth it idc**

**Mark: i took photos of hogwarts for u**

**Mark: i’ll send them all but i think i’ll save them for when i get back home so i can show you everything and tell you how good it is in person**

**Mark: hopefully i get to take a video of the light show outside of hogwarts later**

**Mark: [photo of his nieces wearing gryffindor robes with a harry potter wand]**

**Mark: aren’t they just cute**

**Mark: [photo of the hufflepuff light show]**

**Mark: [photo of the slytherin light show]**

**Mark: [photo of the gryffindor light show]**

**Mark: I don’t have a photo for ravenclaw but I have it on video and I’ll show them to you!!!**

Jaebum feels his whole body just  _ ache  _ to have Mark near him again. He knows the boy was having fun wherever he was and that was good, that was great because Mark has been looking forward to this for weeks. But.

Jaebum just wants to touch him. Hold his hand. Put his arms around his shoulders. Wrap him in a warm embrace. Kiss him softly. Kiss him hard. Cuddle on the couch, on the bed, in the car with him. Anything.

Jaebum just aches for Mark all over.

**Jaebum: I can’t even tell if I’m jealous, mad, wistful or something.**

**Mark: do u wish you were here too**

**Jaebum: yes**

**Mark: me too**

And Jaebum can’t even tell if Mark misses him or not because he doesn’t outright say it, but he keeps on  _ hinting  _ things. He keeps on saying these things that makes Jaebum feel like Mark  _ does  _ miss him.

  
  


_ Day Four _

On July 4th, Mark and his family goes on a road trip. He warned Jaebum that he wouldn’t be able to go online at all, his data was going low and he was outside the country. He promised a lot of photo when he gets back in the night.

Still, Jaebum couldn’t help but want to see Mark again. He still kept on checking on his phone throughout the day, Nayeon getting exceedingly impatient with him with promises of bodily harm if he doesn’t stop holding onto his phone and not start getting ready for their next class.

  
  


**Mark: [photo of mark wearing a happy 4th of july cap and sunglasses]**

**Mark: i look weird but it was a good celebration**

**Mark: so much noisier and rowdier than the canada day celebration**

**Mark: the fireworks were pretty though**

**Jaebum: ready to jump ship to us huh?**

**Mark: not a chance, at least canada doesn’t have trump**

Jaebum was embarrassed to admit that he saved Mark’s photo and stared at it until he fell asleep.

  
  


_ Day Five _

It’s hard when you miss someone that you talk to every day, know where they are and what they’re doing, yet they’re so far from you. Jaebum doesn’t know how people in long-distance relationships do it because he can’t even last the whole week without feeling actual physical pain.

Mark was due home on Saturday night, but he also knows that he would probably want to get some rest before going to see Jaebum. So Jaebum doesn’t say anything and just decided to ask Mark if he could see him on Monday.

It was Friday night when he gets a message from Mark, though.

**Mark: you said your parents are going fishing on sunday right?**

**Jaebum: yeah, the whole day. I think they’re going somewhere in hekla or smthng**

**Mark: can I come see you on sunday morning?**

**Jaebum: You sure you don’t want to get some rest first?**

**Mark: no, so can I come on sunday morning?**

**Jaebum: yeah, for sure. I’ll see you on sunday morning?**

**Mark: see u**

And that was that. Jaebum couldn’t help himself, feeling giddy as hell. He knows he has something to look forward to now, even though it was still about two days away.

Nayeon noticed his good mood, but didn’t say anything. She was probably afraid it will send him into a spiral of missing Mark again, like what he had done yesterday.

  
  


_ Day Six _

Jaebum tries hard not to look at his phone every now and then. He has work the afternoon and would not be able to check his phone. He knows Mark’s flight from Los Angeles to Vancouver had left this morning which means he should be flying from Vancouver to Winnipeg anytime soon.

Except.

**Mark: [photo of a tired looking mark]**

**Mark: flight is delayed but i will there bright and early tomorrow morning**

**Mark: i’ll message you when i arrive in wpg**

Jaebum was selfish. He wants to message Mark and tell him to just sleep it off and rest, probably being tired from a long travel and also the long vacation. But he was selfish, so he doesn’t and instead, he looks forward to Sunday morning.

  
  


Work was busy with it being a Saturday night. Mark’s replacement was a weekend morning shift named Lyn, the girl was new and Bambam and Yugyeom had fun trying to teach her. She seemed at ease by the time Jaebum took his break.

“I thought they would scare off the poor girl,” Jinyoung said, shaking his head as he stole some wedges from Jaebum’s dinner. It wasn’t his break, but there was a lull in the customers so he was able to bother Jaebum at the back.

“Bambam and Gyeom are good kids.” Jaebum defended, “Good but too excited.”

Jinyoung nodded, “Anyway, that is not why I came here. I want to know if you know when Mark is coming back? He should be here by this weekend, right?”

“His flight is this afternoon, he said he’d message me when he’s here but so far he hasn’t said anything.” Jaebum checked his phone once again and sees the lack of messages, “I think he’s back to work on Tuesday afternoon.”

“You must miss him a lot,” Jinyoung didn’t sound like he was teasing, just that he was saying something he noticed. “I still remember when Jackson had to go back to Hong Kong to visit his grandparents for a month. I was so miserable.”

“We’ve only been apart for a week, but this is the longest we hasn’t seen each other ever since we got together.” Jaebum shrugged, “and I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Jinyoung gives him a wink before leaving him alone. Smart. Because Jaebum was about to kick his shin.

  
  


**Mark: just got home**

**Mark: god that was such a long wait in vancouver, the delay took longer than anticipated**

Jaebum looked at the time stamp and saw that it was sent at 11:04 pm. He, himself, had just finished his shift and was getting ready to leave with Jackson and Jinyoung giving him a ride home.

He feels bad because Mark will have to wake up in a few hours, not even giving him enough time to get a good enough rest or to unpack his belongings.

**Jaebum: get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow!**

Mark doesn’t read his message, probably already asleep. Jaebum doesn’t mind, he just goes back to annoying Jinyoung and laughing with Jackson.

  
  


If Jaebum was being honest, he misses Mark so much it aches.

  
  


_ Day Seven - D-Day _

Even though Jaebum had work last night and has work again this afternoon, he was awake early in the disguise of having homeworks to deal with. His parents believed him, leaving him money to buy himself food for the day.

“We’ll be gone the whole day, your Uncle wants to go fishing in Hekla.” His Dad told him, and he felt a little guilty at being so excited for his parents to just go.

At a little before 9:00 am, his parents left the house and Mark messaged him.

**Mark: on my way**

Jaebum could not even put into words how excited he was. He had woken up earlier to shower and now he had dressed comfortable, ready to just go to the couch (or his bed, he’s not being picky right now) and just lie down with Mark. To touch him. To feel every part of him.

_ Knock knock _

Immediately, he was on his feet and walking to the door with his heart thrumming in excitement. He looks through the peephole and he feels his heart  _ jump  _ at the image of Mark there. So close to him.

The lock was easy to remove usually, but his hands were shaking as he finally gets the door open and—

Mark moves first, hugging him tightly there by the doorway for anyone who would look to see, “I missed you so much.”

Jaebum doesn’t get to even think because he was engulfed in such a tight and warm embrace that all he could do was to hold Mark back. It makes him feel like he was soaring, like he was floating on clouds and everything was just  _ right  _ with the world. It was so cliche, so unlike him to think or even feel this way. But.

“I missed you so much too,” Jaebum says, closing his eyes and inhaling Mark’s scent. He showered too, his hair still a little bit wet from it so he smells so fresh. Like home.

“So stupid,” Mark sniffs as he lets go and holds onto Jaebum’s hand, “We have only been apart for, what? A week? A week and a day? But all I could think is that I missed you so much.”

Jaebum smiles, but he moves around Mark so he could close the door and locked it. “Come on, let’s talk in the room.”

When Jaebum said in the room, he meant on his bed. Mark had wrapped his arms around Jaebum, their whole body touching as if they  _ needed  _ it—the comfort of it.

Mark’s bag and his gifts to Jaebum were left on the floor beside the bed, the need to touch and feel and kiss more overwhelming than any material gift. All Jaebum could do was run his hands through Mark’s hair, feeling the strands as he moves to Mark’s face before pressing a kiss.

“It was stupid, I just wanted to see you the whole time I was there,” Mark told him, his words vibrating on to Jaebum’s body. “I was so excited for this trip but I never expected to miss you. It was just funny because it was just a week. Two weeks makes sense, but a week?”

“It’s fine.” Jaebum patted Mark’s head, “because I missed you so badly too. Nayeon was going to cut my head from the numerous times I spent checking my phone for any new photos from you. Jinyoung wasn’t very amused with my performance at work yesterday, too.”

Mark just grins down at him before moving them so he was on top of Jaebum, hands on either side of Jaebum’s head. “Now… let me just show you how much I missed you…”

Jaebum has no doubts about it, but he would let Mark show him just to be sure.

  
  


“YOU BROUGHT FOOD!!” Jaebum excitedly looked at the sweets that Mark had brought for him. There were Chocolate Frogs, Exploding Bonbons, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, and random chocolate he probably bought that day they shopped in the Outlet Mall.

“I haven’t tried anything yet, I wanted to try them with you…” Mark looked shy, scratching the back of his head.

Jaebum looked at Mark and he can’t decide whether he should jump the man or kiss him to death because the way his heart was twisting into pretzel inside him right now. Well, let’s just say he can’t even put into words just how much he loves Mark.

“White chocolate in dark chocolate coating in the shape of a frog.” Jaebum explained.

“Dark chocolate that tastes like white chocolate, but it’s in the shape of a frog.” Mark grins when it turns out that he explained it better. Jaebum kicked him, but wasn’t hard enough to actually hurt.

The thing is, they have finished the Exploding Bonbons quite a while ago and ever since then they have either been holding hands or at least they were side to side. It was like they were craving  _ touch _ , need it.

“Anyway, I didn’t just come bearing food or sweets, really.” Mark smiles when it finally catches Jaebum’s attention who was looking at the Dumbledore card closely. “I got you your wand.”

“REALLY?” Jaebum raised his hands, asking for it.

“I’ll show you mine first,” Mark takes out a wand box with the name  _ Severus Snape  _ on it. “It looks so pretty, and it feels even better when you use it. It’s not as heavy as yours because this is the one where you can use it on selected places in Wizarding World?”

Jaebum looked admiringly at Snape’s wand, tracing it with his fingers before turning to look at Mark with a serious expression. “Always?”

“Always.” Mark immediately answered without a moment’s hesitation.

They laughed after that, holding onto each other. Mark finally takes the wand away to put it back in it’s container. He takes out another one, this time the container says  _ Death Eater _ . True to it’s name, it had the Dark Mark logo at the handle. It was simple, but truly just magical.

“You’re a Gryffindor, aren’t you?” Jaebum raised his eyebrow.

“You’re a Ravenclaw, aren’t you?” Mark mimicked him as he took out the last box with the name  _ Bellatrix Lestrange  _ on it. Jaebum’s eyes widened as he immediately reached out for it. “Your wand.”

Is beautiful. Jaebum has no other words for how beautifully intricate the design is for Bellatrix’s. It was simple, in a way, but it was beautiful and looked even more amazing. It was delightful to look at, heavy and felt right beneath Jaebum’s hands.

“Have I told you I love you yet?” Jaebum asked, eyes moving up just in time to see the way Mark was looking at him. “I haven’t, huh? Then, thank you for these. And. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Mark leans over to kiss Jaebum.

  
  


The problem about being separated from someone for quite some time, or at least not seeing the other person is that it leaves you an itch to see them again over and over as if it could make up for the loss from before.

It was a little bit disorienting to still miss Mark and his touch even though they’ve been seeing each other the past week on a daily basis.

It was a cycle of missing Mark, asking if he could see him, clinging and kissing him for his dear life, feeling like he wasn’t sated enough, and then letting go just for him to want to see Mark again in the next few hours.

Love, Jaebum thinks, is confusing.

When they were new, Jaebum knew he would crave for Mark’s presence and attention over and over again. He knew that seeing Mark even just for a second or a minute would be the highlight of his day, but it has been months (eight months since they met, five months since they started dating, three months since they were actually official) and Jaebum still  _ wants  _ Mark.

“When does it stop?” Jaebum asked Jinyoung one time, when they were just the two of them in the drive thru and everyone was busy with one thing or the other.

“Stop what?” Jinyoung looks at him confused.

“When does it stop being hard for you not to see Jackson for a day or not know what he’s doing? When does it start being okay?” Jaebum asked, clarifying himself.

“It doesn’t,” Jinyoung didn’t even need time to think, he just looks at Jaebum, “Hyung, it doesn’t. You love them so with love comes with the need to have them close. They’re going to be your home at one point or another. But—“

Jaebum raised his eyebrow, waiting for Jinyoung and his dramatic declarations to be done with.

“But it does get easier with time, when you trust them enough that you know they’ll tell you when they’re going somewhere you’re not familiar with.” Jinyoung shrugged, “It’s just lucky, I guess, that I know all of Jackson’s friend and we get along well. So if Jackson gets into some kind of trouble, I’m always the first one they call—or last, if they think I’ll yell at them.”

Jaebum laughs because he knows and can tell that Jackson’s friends are probably intimidated with Jinyoung. Who wouldn’t be? Jinyoung demands presence, and his presence demands that you follow him. It’s just who he is.

(Jaebum tries not to let it get to him that he hasn’t even met Mark’s friends. How would he know if Mark gets into trouble?)

(He needs to just trust Mark, then.)

  
  
  


With the summer classes closing to the end, Jaebum was busier than ever. He had deadlines to deal with and finals to study for, not to mention having no free time during weekends because of work. He was lowkey getting stressed, but highkey noticeable to his parents.

“Maybe… you should resign from work, son?” His Dad asked when Jaebum had spent yet another night working on a presentation. He hasn’t finished yet, to be honest but he needed to sleep at least a little bit if he wants to understand any of the lectures for the whole day.

“Huh?” Jaebum looks at his dad, wondering what he meant. “My what?”

“I know you work just on the weekends and it’s good that you have an extra income, but son…” His Dad looked worriedly at the number of coffee cups he has on his desk and the books scattered on top of it. “You need at least an extra 16 hours of free time to keep yourself sane.”

His Mom hummed in agreement, “You need sanity to survive Law school.”

His Dad nodded.

Just like that, it was decided that he was going to quit working in Tim Horton’s. He argued for a little bit more time, for a little bit more chance to stay with his friends (with Mark). After his summer break, he tells them, he’ll resign then.

“I don’t know why you’re arguing about staying at work,” her Mom raises an eyebrow at him in disbelief. It says she knows more than what she’s willing to say. “Most kids your age would be pleased their parents aren’t making them work.”

Jaebum shrugs, “I like the extra money, Mom.” Which is half true, because the truth is he likes having a reason to stay with Mark and see him for eight hours straight  _ while  _ being paid for it.

“Then you can resign after your summer break so that you’ll have the chance to say goodbye to your friends,” His mom told him as she laid out the food on the table.

“Then you can concentrate on your classes next term.” His Dad assured him, looking pleased. “I don’t want you to overwork yourself too much when Law school is already hard enough as it is.”

“Okay, Mom. Okay, Dad.” Jaebum answers, forcing a smile on his face.

This is why it was a little more than hard to keep the truth from his parents. They were genuinely worried about his studies because they knew that Jaebum had really wanted to finish Law, had always wanted to finish Law to be honest, but he’s not really lying. Not quite. It’s just that there’s a fear at the back of his mind that makes him wary about quitting from work.

  
  


(The fear of not having a deeper, more permanent connection to Mark—a connection that isn’t just the two of them dating. Because now, now Jaebum wouldn’t have that automatic Saturday and Sunday after work moment with Mark.)

  
  


“Oh, wow!” Mark looked extremely pleased for him, looking more excited than Jaebum is. “That’s great news! You won’t have to deal with Chris anymore and those people from the morning shift that won’t leave you alone.”

“Yeah…” Jaebum sighed, playing with Mark’s fingers and trying to memorize every part of his hand. “It also means not seeing you every weekend. Or spending time with the others. I can’t decide if it’s actually for the best or not.”

Mark shook his head, “You’ll see me still. Would you not working there anymore mean we’re not going to see each other? I’m your boyfriend, in case you’ve forgotten about that detail?” He laughs as he pokes at Jaebum’s arm.

“No… I know.” Jaebum doesn’t even really know how to put it into words, really. He doesn’t know how to put it into words that he just wants to spend every time with Mark, to spend every single moment he’s allowed to.

“And Jinyoung, Jackson and the others? Oh please, they’ll still invite you to one of their crazy parties.” Mark grins, knowing he had won. He always does, he’s always right and knows when he has already won something. “So you don’t need to worry at all, you know that?”

Jaebum gives up, knowing it was pointless to discuss this with Mark. Mark has that tendency to win all arguments after all. So he just smiles at his boyfriend and pulls the other to his side so he could kiss him silly.

If Jaebum was not going to have all weekend with Mark anymore, then he might as well have this right now.

  
  


It was a particularly sunny day even in Winnipeg’s standards. The sun was high up in the sky and it was warm, not too hot, but the wind wasn’t dry. Even the whole world was celebrating their last day of classes.

“We’re freee!” Nayeon announced, jumping to Dahyun’s arms to hug her tight. Dahyun was never in school now because she didn’t take any summer classes being in a Business major. But today was exception, it being their last day of classes.

“Free for just three more weeks,” Dahyun giggled at Nayeon’s appalled look at her. “Just stating the truth!”

“You don’t have to dash our hopes and dreams.” Jaebum nudged Dahyun’s arms, “Law students apparently only deserve three weeks of vacation while you Business majors have already gone to numerous road trips throughout summer!”

“Nah,” Dahyun swung her arms around Nayeon’s shoulders, “We were waiting for this person to be done with school. We’re driving down to U.S. this weekend though, the whole gang.”

“We’d invite you oppa, but it’s a girls only drive.” Nayeon was smiling so brightly and Jaebum wishes she can stay that way. Nayeon always, always deserve happiness. “But I’ll buy you sweets or something since your boyfriend just recently came back from vacation too.”

Jaebum laughed, “But one can’t have too many sweets! I need more.”

“We’ll buy you more, oppa.” Dahyun promised.

Soon, they were hugging each other goodbye with promises of more sweets when they come back from their trip. Dahyun had just come to pick Nayeon up because they were going to shop for things to bring. Jaebum was left at the gates of his University, waiting for Mark to pick him up.

**Mark: on my way**

**Mark: sister is at work until 1am**

**Mark: parents will also be at work until 4am**

**Mark: do u wanna just stay in and enjoy the airconditioning at my room?**

**Jaebum: Is that an invitation? ;)**

**Mark: lol**

**Mark: I was actually going to suggest we watch Captain America, but if you want to…**

Jaebum laughs out loud at his silly boyfriend.

**Jaebum: let’s buy popcorn and drinks and watch iron man not captain america**

**Mark: deal**

**Mark: but we’re still watching captain america after we watch iron man’s first movie**

Jaebum could already see how well his short summer vacation is going to go. Well, he’s not complaining. He would rather stay in at Mark’s house where there is airconditioning and watch numerous movies to binge watch any series rather than be out on a road trip or on the beach.

Anytime spent with Mark, after all, is completely worth it. That is what Jaebum calls passion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, tell me, can anyone guess what's going to happen next? what is next to passion? please comment and tell me what you think!


	6. Patience

Patience is always being there for someone that you care for, it’s always being there for them when they don’t really want you to be there. Patience is waiting for them to open up to you, to tell you the things you might already know, but just wants them to say.

Jaebum was not an easy person to deal with, Mark knows that very well. He has, after all, spent the most time with his boyfriend. He knows how Jaebum takes his coffee after having brought him coffee countless of times. He knows Jaebum’s horrible habits, and the way he was so particular with his things. He knows Jaebum’s hatred of himself, and the way he lets himself feel small.

Mark knows everything and he just so patiently sits there and lets Jaebum be himself.

“What are we going to watch?” Jaebum asked as he took the right side of the couch and got himself comfortable. “We can watch Harry Potter, but I think we already had that marathon before you left for Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, we did,” Mark agreed, putting away the Harry Potter DVDs he was planning to suggest. “Oh, do you want to watch Avengers?”

Jaebum seemed to brighten at this idea. “First movie!”

“Definitely first movie then,” Mark switches on the television and his DVD player. He enters the CD and then walks back to the couch and takes the left side. The opening credits were still showing so he double-checked with Jaebum, “Do you want anything? Water or food? I think we have chips upstairs.”

“Oh! Chips sounds great!” Jaebum smiles at Mark before pressing a kiss at his cheeks. “Thank you for offering.”

Mark laughs, kissing Jaebum back, “I swear, you just say that because you know I’ll get you your food and drink right away.”

“Well, it’s your house? I don’t want to intrude by looking through things when I have no idea where I’m looking,” Jaebum fought him, “And, I’m a guest.”

“Guest, sure,” Mark grins as he stands up. “When the movie starts, pause it and don’t be a cheat. I may have seen this before, but I do want to re-watch it again.”

“I promise!”

Mark doesn’t believe him, knowing fully well that when he comes back the movie ought to be on play. But he smiles at how Jaebum was curled on the couch, looking so at home at the way he sat there. He walks back up the stairs and into the kitchen to grab everything he needed.

Chips into a bowl and two bottles of cold water. He had a little bit of trouble getting down to the basement, but Jaebum saw and took pity on him. He paused the movie—which is definitely not on the credits or at the start of the movie—and helped him settle everything down.

“Promise, huh?” Mark eyed the television and Jaebum just laughs beside him.

They settle down on the couch, Jaebum on the right and Mark on the left. They watch quietly, but soon Jaebum had crawled himself on Mark’s arms and the movie was soon forgotten as they debated over Iron Man and Captain America.

  
  


They  _ did  _ finish the movie a few hours after, maybe four, and realized they were both hungry. Mark knew they didn’t have anything in the kitchen, not even rice.

“Let’s go get food.” Mark patted Jaebum’s thighs, “We can get take out, come back here and watch Unsolved. The new episode should be out by then.”

Jaebum eagerly agreed and set out to put on his shoes. Mark followed, grabbing his hoodie from the coat rack.

Soon they were outside, sun still high up since it was summer. Jaebum chatted away about one thing or another and Mark listened happily, amused at the way Jaebum seemed to be offended at the way the sun was on him. He doesn’t tell Jaebum that he looks great and just laughs quietly as he gets in the car.

They get food from the newly opened Save-On-Foods, but their drinks are from Tim Horton’s. Jaebum said he was craving chocolate so they got chocolate chill, made with cream and extra cream. It took them about 30 minutes, and when they do get back, the sun was definitely down.

“Can you pass me my drink, please?” Jaebum was sitting on the floor as they ate, but Mark still took the couch. Jaebum said it was easier for him to sit here, so Mark entertains him by handing him his chocolate chill.

The new episode was on the television, connected through Mark’s phone. They eagerly take in the episode, not even making any small conversation—they’re ready for that later.

Mark likes this, the way they’re so comfortable around each other as if there’s nothing wrong with the world. Some people say they look and feel like they’ve known each other all their life, but they have only known each other for months—not even a year.

When they finished watching and eating, they clean up in the basement and Jaebum helps him load the dishes in the dishwasher. They talk about food and the things they want to try before they finally do get ready to go up to his bedroom.

Mark sits on his desk while Jaebum immediately goes for his bed, lying down and cuddling on his covers.

“You really like my bed, huh?” Mark asked, grinning at the way Jaebum was trying hard not to let it seem like he was inhaling the smell of Mark’s comforter.

“It’s comfy,” Jaebum bounced on the bed, “See?”

“I know, I sleep there every night,” Mark said as a way of explanation. “Now, care to scootch over so I can lie down, too?”

Jaebum does make space and Mark lies down beside him, taking Jaebum in his arms and cuddling next to him. He pulls up the blanket over them, covering the two of them and just feeling so secure lying together like this.

“I can fall asleep like this,” Jaebum whispers, pressing a kiss on the closes he can reach which was Mark’s knuckles. “So comfy.”

“I know, me too,” Mark agreed, kissing Jaebum’s neck from where he was holding the other boy. “Sadly, I need to drive you home in an hour and that’s not enough time to take a nap.”

“I know,” Jaebum groaned, moving in closer to Mark’s embrace. “This is just nice.”

“I know,” Mark agreed.

“I wish I can fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you without worrying about anyone seeing us,” Jaebum whispered next, voice muffled as if he really was trying to hide his words.

“I wish so too,” and as if to put his point across, he snuggles closer to Jaebum’s side and pressed another kiss to Jaebum’s neck. “I could just sleep next to you and hug you without worrying about anything else.”

They don’t fall asleep, but they hold each other tighter and Jaebum kicks Mark’s shins when the other boy was falling asleep on him. They laugh about it after before finally deciding to get up and that Mark has to drive Jaebum home now.

“I had so much fun today,” Jaebum told Mark, pressing a kiss. They were in front of his house now, having chosen to just walk instead of taking the car. It was a pretty day after all, the summer night’s wind was refreshing.

“Every moment spent is fun with you.” Mark said, and Jaebum could tell that it came from deep inside. He meant it, all of the words. “I’ll have to go home now, my older sister might come back and wonder where I went off to.”

Jaebum nodded, but before either of them could say anything Mark had leaned in to kiss him. Lingering. Hard. Just so full of love and endearment. It’s during these times that Jaebum never questions Mark’s feelings for him, feeling everything.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” Jaebum was dazed, but he manages to say the words as he watched Mark walk away. He, too, walks back in to the house with his keys and a smile permanently on his lips.

  
  


Sometimes, Jaebum knows, that relationships are not all about precious moments spent together getting to know each other. It’s not all about having to make the other person happy, or having to make yourself happy.

“Hello?” Mark’s voice was rough from sleep, having woken from Jaebum’s voice.

“Did I wake you up?” Jaebum asked, as if he himself does not know it. He feels guilty immediately, but he couldn’t help it. The first moment that he felt the familiar rush of anxiety, the only way he knew he could fix things is to call Mark. Mark always makes it better.

“A little,” Mark’s voice was dimmed which means he was probably putting the phone away from him to check the time. “Why are you awake so early? You don’t have classes for another…”

“Three weeks.” Jaebum supplied, the rush of anxiety already dimming.

“Yeah, three weeks. You should enjoy this three weeks.” Mark said, sounding tired. He knows that Mark would definitely go back to sleep the exact moment that he cuts the call.

“I know, I just—I worry,” Jaebum explains himself, “I feel like I should be doing something. It’s three weeks, I just can’t spend the whole time sitting at home and watching.”

“You should definitely watch Riverdale, remember how you said you wanted to watch it before?” Mark suggested, sounding a little bit awake now than he did earlier.

“Okay…” Jaebum sighed, “What are you planning to do today?”

“I have work later in the afternoon, but I might just get up now since I’m already awake.” There was no venom in Mark’s words, but Jaebum still felt guilty.

“Oh…” Jaebum bit his lip, wondering if he could ask—should ask.

“Did you want me to drop by your house?” Mark asked, as if knowing exactly what Jaebum was thinking (he probably does, Jaebum was pretty easy to read especially when it came to Mark).

“I-if it’s not any bother…” Jaebum bit his lip, anxiety replaced with the way he’s guilty and afraid that he was pushing Mark too much.

“Then I’ll be there by 11:00.” Mark answered, firm and without question. “I’ll have to shower so I’ll just talk to you later, then?”

“I’ll see you later.” Jaebum answers back, and the call was cut from Mark’s end.

He tries not to let the anxiety come crawling back in just because Mark wasn’t here anymore. He breathes in, breathes out and decided that he can’t let Mark see him when he looks like this, messy and haven’t showered since the last time he saw Mark two days ago.

Jaebum grabs a new set of clothes and his towel, preparing to walk in and shower. He can worry about Mark later.

  
  


Mark is always so patient with him. Mark is always there as if Jaebum hasn’t bothered his sleep, as if Jaebum wasn’t the one who wanted him there. Mark comes in the house and moves as if it was his idea to drop by all along.

They stay by the couch, watching something (anything, really) on his laptop. But soon, they were napping on it. Mark had put an alarm for before he has to leave for work.

They just sleep there instead, arms around each other.

  
  


Letting Mark go was easier said than done, sometimes Jaebum wishes he has work too just so he could spend more time with Mark. However, he was only working during the weekends now that he has school.

“Go watch Riverdale,” Mark reminded him again as he got dressed and changed into his uniform. “You can tell me all about it when you’re done with season one. Then I’ll decide whether I’ll watch too or not.”

“I’m watching it for Jughead,” Jaebum reminded him.

“I wasn’t expecting anything else,” Mark replied, grabbing his bag. “Anyway, I’m off. I still have eight hours more of torture while you stay here in peace.” He sounded jealous of Jaebum not having any work.

Jaebum stood up from where he was sitting on the couch to grab Mark’s collar and kiss him hard, pulling him back to the couch and letting Mark fall on top of him.

He misses him already even before he was gone.

  
  


**Jaebum: Riverdale is awesome. Idk why I haven’t watched it before**

**Mark: because you were busy complaining that everyone loves riverdale and that u didn’t want to follow what everyone else is watching**

**Jaebum: Whatever. I ship Betty and Jughead. Except u know, Jughead is mine.**

**Mark: oh is he**

**Mark: huh**

**Jaebum: I was only kidding, ofc you know who I love.**

**Mark: go back to watching and i’ll go back to work**

Jaebum laughs at where he was sitting. Mark was really awkward at any declarations of love from Jaebum as if he wasn’t used to it yet. He should be by now, they’ve been dating for months.

He turns off his phone and goes back to watching Riverdale, enjoying the darkness of the show and the characters. He knows Mark would enjoy it too, if only he could get him to watch it. He might not, Mark was interested in shows like this, but not really dedicated the way Jaebum is.

  
  
  


If there was something that Jaebum doesn’t like, it’s when he doesn’t have anything to do. It’s during these times, the lull when he has no school due to the short summer vacation he was given, that he likes work.

Only working for two days still ensures he has both of those days with Mark in the shift.

“Hullo, hyung.” Jinyoung sounded sleepy and Jackson trailed after him, looking equally sleepy.

“Did you do another marathon last and slept this morning?” Jaebum asked his friends, watching the two of them walk like the dead. “Or did you just have sex the whole night and morning?”

“I wish,” Jackson sighed wistfully.

Jinyoung shook his head, “Neither. We helped one of his friends move and we were carrying heavy ass furnitures until 10:00 pm, and then had to  _ help  _ with taking out the boxes too. Jackson is too nice to his friends and not enough nice to his boyfriend.”

“Sorry babe,” Jackson presses a kiss to Jinyoung’s cheeks, and Jaebum could see how much Jinyoung seemed to brighten just from that simple kiss alone.

Jinyoung swats him away, “Go get ready for work.” He snubs his boyfriend and turns to Jaebum, “How are you hyung?”

“Meanie,” Jackson complains one last time before he goes to get dressed.

Jaebum pretends he doesn’t look jealous at the way his two friends show their relationship so comfortably to everyone. He tries not to sneak a look at where Mark was sitting right across him, playing something on his phone.

The two of them drove to work together, Mark having picked him up and then dropped him off a block away before he circled around then parking so no one sees the two of them together. As if they were something to be ashamed of.

“Bored out of my ass at home,” Jaebum answers Jinyoung belatedly, and he could see his friend was already trying to work out if something was wrong. There wasn’t. It was just him feeling insecure about their relationship for no apparent reason.

Conversation was cut short because soon the small waiting room was filled with Yugyeom who exclaimed his missing of Jaebum, Bambam who immediately started talking about this party he came from, Youngjae who hugged Jaebum tightly, and then Jackson who got back from the washroom.

Soon the place was busy with chatting and Jaebum was reminded, sort-of, of why he does like coming to work still.

Mark looks up from the game he was playing and gives Jaebum a smile so bright that he couldn’t help but smile back. Everyone around them pretends they don’t see, and that they don’t know anything. Jaebum was thankful, because no matter how long they’ve been seeing each other, he still doesn’t know how Mark would react to anyone knowing.

Jaebum knows he has to be patient with Mark, patient that he knows Mark isn’t ready yet.

“WHERE IS THE 3PM SHIIIIIFT.” Chris screamed from somewhere at the front.

Everyone looks at the clock on the wall. It says 2:56PM.

Jaebum rolls his eyes, and he was reminded now why he still doesn’t like working here. Chris was much easier to work with now, but he still doesn’t like the older man.

Everyone goes and washes their hands, chatting still. Jinyoung assigns them their places, and Jaebum was thankful he was back in sandwich where there is silence.

Being back at work, Jaebum turns off his brains and lets his whole body remember how working is. He doesn’t have to think about any order, already knowing the build and where everything was. He cleans and stocks up, made orders and prepared food.

It was the small glances, the small brushes of their hands, and the eyes meeting from across the place that Jaebum lives for. He and Mark don’t flirt at work the way Jinyoung and Jackson does.

“Sseun! Can you grab me more coffee?” Jinyoung called from where he was busily making coffee in the drive thru. The storefront was pretty much quiet, everyone probably out because it was Saturday night. Drive thru, though, was another thing.

“Sure thing, babe!” Jackson was the master of doing something else while taking orders. It was probably because he knows that he someone who will handle his back when he’s at the back grabbing things.

Jaebum cringes at their nicknames, not because he was against them, but because they always use their nicknames over the headset. It wasn’t like he could ignore it too, his work dependent on hearing the orders via the headset so he has no choice but to listen.

“Thanks, babe.” Jinyoung answered back when his hands were probably free enough to use the headset.

There were no order in the drive thru or the storefront so Jaebum walked at the back to prepare the stocking up on the front sandwich display. He enters the fridge to grab the cheese and a wrap, filling up his arms with as many as he could.

“...one Chicken Bacon Ranch wrap with a regular chicken noodle, white bun please. Then also another order of steak and cheese panini as a meal with wedges…”

Jaebum had ran back to the front, putting down everything inside the display to get started on his order. He prepared both the panini and the wrap, soon both of them were on the griller. Then he moved to prepare the soup and saw that the order was paid and Mark was walking over to him.

“Need wedges?” Mark asked even though he was already grabbing the container and tong to help Jaebum.

When the grilled beeped, Jaebum finished up the orders and placing them inside their respective paper bags. He finished up, handing everything to Mark who walked back to the drive thru and hand over the order.

Jaebum smiles, pleased at the way that Mark helps him at work. To be quite honest, if it was anyone else, he knows he would have been pretty pissed off that they were offering him help because he knows he can do it by himself.

(That probably gave away that everyone at work already thinks they’re dating, just having no proof of it. Or confirmation.)

“Bambam, break.” Jinyoung appeared at the store front when it was about a few minutes past 6 o’clock. He turned to Yugyeom, “You can go after 15 minutes and take your break too.”

Yugyeom nodded, but had to take the order of the person waiting in line. Youngjae came from the drive thru with his headset still on to help Yugyeom.

Jaebum cleared his head and continued stocking up, having already replaced and cleaned his area. He did the cheeses first, his favorite thing. Mark had walked by earlier with his hands outstretched and Jaebum rolled his eyes before handing over one mozzarella for his boyfriend to enjoy at the back.

When it was Mark’s turn to take his break, he had come by the sandwich area to wear gloves.

“Don’t make a mess,” he reminded the boy, smiling as they worked together side by side. Him making the order of a ham and cheese while Mark made his usual order of turkey bacon club with mayo and honey mustard.

A few minutes after, most likely after 15 minutes, Jinyoung came by to wear his gloves and sent Jaebum to take his break. “You should try something else besides your bagel and coffee, hyung.” His friend chided him, but made no complaints when he indeed got his usual order of toasted bagel with cream cheese and coffee.

When he gets to the back, he sees Mark sitting while fiddling on his phone. His boyfriend looks up to grin at him and immediately grabs Jaebum’s cup of coffee so he could take a sip.

“I swear, you make your own coffee anyway so why do you steal mine?” Jaebum complained, not really meaning it as he grabs the last piece of the turkey bacon club that Mark had left for him. “Did you add more mayo this time?”

Mark nodded, sipping more of Jaebum’s coffee. “Thought it would make it taste better, but it kinda overwhelmed the honey mustard.” He shrugged, “At least now I know.”

“True,” Jaebum nodded, taking a bite of his bagel.

“Do you want any donuts? I’m going to go grab a sour cream glazed.” Mark made to get up, already bringing his plate. “Apple fritter for you? Or is this a strawberry vanilla day?”

Jaebum’s smile was so busy smiling that he didn’t realize he never answered and Mark had just gone off to probably take whatever donut he thinks Jaebum would like.

“Thank you,” Mark comes back with strawberry vanilla for him and one apple fritter timbits. “You’re the best.”

“I know,” Mark winks.

  
  


It was never a good idea to come at the back when Jinyoung and Jackson use their shared break. It was either they’re fighting over something petty like who forgot to throw away the cup of coffee in the car or they’re busy using impressive amount of pick-up lines at each other.

“Why did you forget to throw away the take out boxes last night?” Jinyoung complained, words carried out even though Jaebum was at the table outside preparing the cream cheese. He could hear them perfectly.

“Erm,” Jackson always, always does not have any reason. He always forgets that it’s a wonder that Jinyoung always asks him for reasons everytime.

Jinyoung sighs, “I always feel like a demon whenever I give your lectures about throwing away your trash.”

“It’s okay, babe! In my eyes, you’re always an Angel no matter what!” Jackson immediately pipes up.

Jaebum doesn’t need to be in the near vicinity to know that Jinyoung had probably blushed hard and kicked Jackson under the table. He also doesn’t need to be a Seer to know that Jackson will get a kiss for his efforts later, too.

Jaebum was busy with his cream cheese that he doesn’t hear or feel Mark creep up behind him, only getting surprised when he feels someone stopping his hand movements. He yelps and then yelps even more when he realizes that he’s been murdering the cream cheese.

“You need to pay attention to your cream cheese or else you won’t ever get to my level.” Mark warns him, taking over the cream cheese for him and flattening it out like an expert he was.

“You have worked here for two or three years? Of course I’ll never be at your level,” Jaebum snorts.

Mark just beams at him. Jaebum doesn’t complain because Mark does the other cream cheese too, and even cleans up after him.

“Thanks,” Jaebum begrudgingly gives out his thanks. But he was smiling anyway.

  
  


Yugyeom and Bambam ask for a ride because apparently Jinyoung and Jackson were already making eyes at each other so to hell were they going to get a ride with those two. Youngjae comes for a ride too, his Dad was working late and couldn’t pick him up.

“I like working the weekends best.” Bambam announces as soon as he was buckled in.

“Me too,” Yugyeom agreed, taking his seat beside his best friend.

“Me three!” Youngjae laughed as he took the last seat.

“What are you three kids going on about at the back?” Jaebum rolled his eyes at the front, “How’s school break? For all three of you?”

The ride felt shorter than it actually was as Bambam told him all about this design he was doing for summer class, Yugyeom rattled off about his dance competition, and Youngjae talked about a composition he wants to run by Jaebum at some point. They make plans and Mark just listens, not adding or saying anything.

By the time they were parked in front of Jaebum’s house, Mark looked tired but was smiling.

“They miss you.” Mark just said, as if that wasn’t already obvious at all.

“I can tell,” Jaebum laughed, “I miss them too. But I also feel guilty because I haven’t told anyone yet, except you and Jinyoung, about quitting once school starts again. I feel guilty and I will miss them so much by then.”

“It’s not like you won’t see them again after quitting. I bet you’ll still come to those crazy parties that Jackson always throws,” Mark told him, putting a hand on Jaebum’s to hold it close.

“You mean those parties you always manages to avoid?” Jaebum gives his boyfriend with an eyebrow rasied, “I don’t know why they love you so much when you don’t come to any of their events.”

Mark laughs as he shakes his head, “I don’t know either to be honest.”

Jaebum doesn’t tell Mark why, because he had explained it before after all. Jaebum has heard the praises over Mark, the love all the other afternoon staff for him. He has also heard more than what he wanted to hear, but he doesn’t voice those out anymore.

“Anyway, I’m passing my resignation letter next week so I have exactly the last week of work on my first week of school. What do you think?” Jaebum asked, moving to look at Mark and tugging on his hands.

“Yeah,” Mark nodded.

Jaebum kisses him goodbye before holding out his hand out for their  _ special  _ good bye handshake. They both laugh because they haven’t done it in quite a while.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” Jaebum waves goodbye before going down the car and waiting for Mark to drive off.

When Jaebum enters his room, he feels all alone again.

  
  


Weekends seems to pass by quickly when you’re busy and the weekdays crawls by slowly. Jaebum ends up calling Mark every day after work during the weekends, asking about how work went by and how was everyone as if he hasn’t seen them just a few days ago.

Mark patiently answered his questions though, and stayed on the line even when he was watching something.

Jaebum was happy enough to stay on the line, hearing muffles of laughter from time to time and Mark telling him what had happened that was so amusing. He stays like that until Mark falls asleep and Jaebum was left alone with his thoughts once again.

  
  


The next week when he passes his resignation letter and everyone seems to have heard about it, he knows he’ll miss the afternoon shift.

Jaebum watched how everyone seemed to be so affected by his resignation, telling him they will definitely go out for pizza on his last week and that he’s not allowed to say no or to back out.

Bambam told him to come to one of his exhibitions in school. Yugyeom invited him to his dance competition. Youngjae reminded him that he promised to help with his composition. Jackson was crying, already in tears and Jinyoung promised that’s just how Jackson really is.

“We’ll miss you so much, hyung.” Yugyeom was sniffing too, but not as much as Jackson was.

The only one not saying anything was Mark, and no one commented on it. Everyone seems to know why and Jaebum just lets it go because Mark doesn’t seem affected by it at all.

To be quite honest, he will miss seeing every single one of them at least two days a week too. He’ll miss the rush of the Saturday crowd and the lull of the Sunday. He’ll miss the smell of coffee that will cling to his skin, and the way he moves around.

Jaebum will miss the people, and he will miss Mark too. He kind of realizes that he won’t see Mark this way anymore, being his co-worker. It was bittersweet because this was where they met, and this was where they started.

  
  


When class had started and it was Jaebum’s last day at work, he feels like the world he once knew was gone.

“Hyung,” Yugyeom gave him a tight hug.

“You have to come to the next party at Jackson’s house!” Bambam announced as he hugged him too, clinging a little bit.

Youngjae was quiet at first, “Thank you for helping me get back to writing and making music, hyung.” He gives him a teary smile.

Jackson was crying again, “Man! JB! I’ll miss you so much, man!”

Jinyoung doesn’t say anything but he reminds Jaebum that if he needs the job back, he’ll endorse his application again and will take him back immediately.

Mark, as usual, does not say anything.

  
  


When Jaebum’s first weekend comes and he doesn’t have work anymore, he pretends he doesn’t feel bad. Empty. Instead, he concentrates in school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guuuuuys we're almost done with this fic! just three more chapters left and we're done ^^ thank you for all the comments and i hope you like this chapter too!
> 
> belated happy birthday our chic and sexy leader, im jaebum!


	7. Sacrifice

When does one person’s patience runs out? It’s when patience turns to sacrifice, turns to more than just waiting for the other person to see  _ you  _ because now, now it’s all about them.

“Do you need another cup of coffee?” Mark asked through the phone call, the rustling on his end indicating that he was most likely getting up from bed.

Jaebum feels bad as he checks the clock and sees what time it was. At 3:06am, Mark shouldn’t be preparing to leave the house just because he wanted a cup of coffee. It makes him feel bad, but then he sees the mountain of things he needed to do and the lack of caffeine around him.

“Please? I promise I’ll pay you back,” Jaebum offers, “And you can buy whatever you want, I’ll pay.”

Mark doesn’t answer immediately, but there were movements on his end which means he was getting ready. And then, “I’ll be there in 20.” Then the line cuts, leaving Jaebum the beeping sound that tells him the call has ended.

Jaebum closes his eye for a minute before preparing his highlighter to go through the history of the different laws passed in the Parliament through the years. His head is pounding, his back is in pain and his eyes feels heavy, but he was halfway done with school work. He has no classes, but has a paper due at 11:00 am.

Concentrating, he goes back to reading and alternating it with typing.

At 3:27 am, he sees his phone light up with a call from Mark. He answers as he prepared to get out, footsteps light so he wouldn’t wake his parents up.

“Are you here?” Jaebum asked in lieu of a greeting.

“Yeah, I’m right outside at the corner.” Mark answered and ended the call.

Jaebum made sure he has his keys with him and his phone before tiptoeing out the house and locking the door as quietly as he could. It was a talent he had acquired from the months of time he had to sneak out.

The wind rustling, but warm to the touch made Jaebum feel lighter. He had been stuck at home for hours, trying to finish a paper he wasn’t really sure how to work on, and the change of scenery was a welcome thing. He walks faster and makes a turn to see Mark leaning over the wall and carrying an XL cup of coffee from Tim Horton’s. He smiles when he sees Jaebum and Jaebum smiles back before walking over to him.

“I’m sorry for bother you, but thank you for the coffee.” Jaebum immediately wraps his arms around Mark to hug him tightly. Mark smells like the detergent they use no matter what time of the day, and it calms Jaebum like nothing else can.

“Anything for you.” Mark just said, hugging him with one arm as he has the coffee in the other. Before he let go, he pressed a kiss to Jaebum’s cheek that had the man complaining before he kissed him properly.

Mark tasted like the cookies he buys from 7/11 which means he probably passed by there on the way, which also means that…

“For you. Snacks.” Mark handed him a plastic of cookies, a little hot. “So you don’t fall asleep while studying.”

Jaebum just laughs as he accepted the coffee and cookies. He looks at Mark in his joggers, a too big hoodie and slippers, and he just  _ feels  _ so much for the man in front of him. “I love you,” he grins while Mark smiles back and answers, “Me too.”

As soon as Mark had driven away, he comes inside the house as quietly as he left. His parents were still sound asleep in their rooms, and he enters his room with a huge smile on his face. He couldn’t help but look at the cup coffee and bag of cookies on his hand and not feel Mark’s love.

He sits down and prepares to work again, just taking breaks in between reading and typing his paper to take a sip of coffee and eat a bite of the cookie.

He finishes his paper at 10:21 am, sends it at 10:25 am, and he promptly falls asleep at 10:30 am.

  
  


Jaebum knows how many sacrifices that Mark has made during the duration of their relationship—even during the duration they knew each other. He knew he was a lot to handle, knew he wasn’t easy to deal with, but Mark makes it seem easy. He never complains, never says anything negative, and never says no.

Mark was always there for Jaebum, no matter what happens.

  
  


Nayeon drops her books on the desk in front of Jaebum and he snaps up to look at her in worry. Nayeon likes her books and her desk so Jaebum knew something was wrong. 

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum asked, waiting for Nayeon to speak. Her usual perfectly managed hair was in a messy bun, obviously not styled. She had make-up on, but barely noticeable. She has her high school hoodie and jeans. She was obviously not feeling well.

“Remember that guy I told you last week? The one I met in that social for one of my high school friends?” Nayeon asked, as if Jaebum actually remembered all these details she threw at him within the last week wherein they were both busy with papers.

But you don’t say those things to Nayeon, what you do is you go along, “What about him?” Jaebum asked.

“Well, he’s a dick. Not even the good kind, just a dick. He kept messaging me until 2 in the morning to go to this party, and I told him I can’t because I had a paper I needed to do. He said some things that made by blood boil and called me boring.” Nayeon groaned and inhaled, “Hi oppa, how are you?”

“Well, he sucks.” Jaebum doesn’t really know how to comfort girls and wishes that Dahyun was in this class. But Nayeon just smiles at him, “He doesn’t deserve your time especially when he should know that a law student wouldn’t have time to party at 2:00 am unless they’re partying with copies of disposition to read.”

This had Nayeon giggling, “I don’t even know how you and Mark deals with this. You’re the top student in class and you have a boyfriend that you see all the time? How? Tell me your ways, oppa.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes at Nayeon, “Mark makes it work. He’s just… always there for me. So don’t ask me, you can ask him when you see him.”

“Which is never.” Nayeon just complains, “When will Mark ever introduce himself and go out with us?”

Jaebum shrugs, “He’s shy and not good with people. Just give it time and he will.”

  
  
  


On the drive home, with Mark picking up Jaebum, Jaebum tells him about Nayeon and his day. He tells him about the grade he got from the paper he wrote, and that he’s got the highest grade in the class with Nayeon trailing after him.

“See?” Mark nudges his thigh with his free hand, “You were stressing over it the other day and it turns out there was nothing you needed to worry about.”

“I still worry.” Jaebum admitted, “But I have you to remind me to calm down and concentrate.”

“I do nothing of the sort,” Mark laughs, “It’s all you.”

“Oh, please, I’m not as smart as you make me out to be,” Jaebum said, and bit his lip. Because it was true, he wasn’t as smart as Mark always tells him he is. He always pretends that he was okay, that he believes Mark whenever the other boy tells him how amazing he is, but he can’t. He can’t totally believe that.

“Anyway, what are doing this Friday? Do you have something for school?” Mark asked as he parked in front of Jaebum’s house. He unbuckles his seat belt to turn to look at Jaebum properly.

“Movies?” Jaebum was hesitant because he’s not sure if Mark was asking because he wants to go or because he had other plans for that day.

“Annabelle Creation is showing this week,” Mark gives him a smirk, challenging him to say no.

Jaebum groans, “Okay. Fine. But if I die, it’s your fault and you were the reason for my death. Reason: Scary movies pushed to watch by Mark Tuan.”

“It’s fine, you can cling to me if you get scared,” and Mark laughs so hard at Jaebum’s expression, a mix between surprised, confused and disbelief. Mark smiles at him, stifling his laughter.

“You’re stupid.” Jaebum complains, rolling his eyes. “But okay, we need to not be eating popcorn on Friday because there’s a high chance that I might end up throwing it away.”

“Got it.” Mark leans over to hug Jaebum and Jaebum reciprocates. “No popcorn. No drinks?”

“I want drinks.” Jaebum laughs this time as he takes a deep breath to take in Mark’s scent, immediately calming his nerves down.

“No popcorn, yes drinks. Friday with Annabelle. Getting out at 4:00 pm, right?” Mark confirmed with him and Jaebum just nods from where his face is nestled on Mark’s neck. “I’ll pick you up then.”

They separated 30 minutes after they parked, the other minutes spent hugging each other as if it was the last thing they were going to see each other. Jaebum can’t help it when Mark is just so huggable, his whole body fitting with Mark’s.

After a long lingering kiss, they separate so Jaebum can get a little bit of sleep.

As soon as Jaebum gets inside his room, he misses Mark already.

  
  


Nayeon wasn’t  _ too  _ wrong when she said that Jaebum and Mark deals properly with this. They hardly ever fight, and if they do it was just something small that could be dealt with pretty easily.

Well, the last time they fought that lasted more than one hour was before they got together  _ months ago _ . Jaebum can’t remember the last time he and Mark actually fought.

Mark was just so patient, always there for Jaebum no matter what happens that Jaebum doesn’t need to ask for more. It makes Jaebum wonder why Mark sticks around, why he deals with Jaebum and his mood swings.

Like, why would Mark love Jaebum? It doesn’t make sense. At all. Jaebum loving Mark, though, now  _ that  _ makes all the sense. What is there not to love about Mark Tuan? He was good-looking with a very prettily dyed hair. He was patient and has been so patient with Jaebum for a  _ long  _ time. He never says he loves him a lot, but he shows him with actions from waking up at ass o’clock just so he could go to breakfast with Jaebum to going out in the early morning to get him coffee.

Mark Tuan was just someone you love.

  
  


Mark’s birthday was just around the corner and it was stressing Jaebum out. Mark had bought him a really amazing gift even when they weren’t dating yet, but it was still too high a scale to compare to.

Clothes were out the question because Mark likes buying his own clothes and also does not wear anything if he doesn’t like the style. Mix tapes were cheesy, but would make sense—Jaebum doesn’t do cheesy though. Games were too impersonal and to be quite honest, Mark has more money than he does to buy the game he likes. More toys? Jewelries? Books? Drawing pads? Jaebum could feel himself going crazy slowly.

“Are you worrying about the reading assigned to you or about something else?” Nayeon nudged him with her foot. They were in her apartment catching up on their readings during their lunch break. “Because you don’t sound like you’re worrying about your readings.”

“No,” Jaebum admitted as he put down the case he was reading. “Mark’s birthday is in two weeks, but I have no idea what to get him.”

“Oh,” Nayeon’s perfectly manicured nails were eye-catching as he raised them to scratch her chin, a perfect scene of someone who was in deep thought. “What do you get someone who has everything they could need or want in life?”

Jaebum groaned, “Exactly.”

It wasn’t really a secret that the Tuans were most definitely not poor or average. At least, they were better off than Jaebum’s family whose parents are still working two jobs just to save up enough for Jaebum’s studies and to buy a house. So buying Mark a present is proving to be a challenge in itself.

Then Nayeon looked like she had the perfect idea, grinning broadly, “How about you book yourself a hotel room to have a night in just for yourself?” She ended it with a wink and giggled even more when Jaebum proceeded to kick her.

“I’ll think of something.” Jaebum grabbed his readings again and tried to concentrate on the police report he was reading rather than thinking of more ideas for gifts.

  
  


Ideas for Mark’s gifts:

  1. Mix tape??? (No, I can’t deal with being cheesy. So. No. Nope.)
  2. Book (but what kind though)
  3. Drawing pad or notebook (so he could join inktober)
  4. Pen (for inktober too)
  5. WHAT ELSKFHDSOFYPR



  
  


For someone who hates being made fun of, Jaebum willing sacrifices his own self and his own principles just to see the bright smile he loves on Mark’s face. With a heavy heart and stomach, he agrees to go watch a horror movie, something that doesn’t really agree well with him.

Mark had picked him up that Friday, all excited because it turns out he had been eager to watch Annabelle Creation for weeks, just that he knows Jaebum won’t like it. In return for the sacrifice that Jaebum is going through, he shows him a trailer for  _ The Snowman _ .

“Okay, wow, now  _ this  _ we have to watch.” Jaebum’s eyes widened as he watched the trailer. “The killer is definitely the snowman—hah! I knew it!”

Mark was just shaking his head as he drove, “I don’t understand how you like watching and reading about these kind of things, but not want to watch horror movies.”

“Horror movies are… scary. Thrillers are exciting.” Jaebum answered with a shrug as the trailer finished. “So, definitely watching that when it comes out. That comes after  _ IT  _ so we have a busy schedule this October and November.”

“See! You want to watch  _ IT,  _ but you didn’t want to watch Annabelle? It doesn’t make sense. IT is most definitely scarier than Annabelle is,” Mark argued.

“But I read IT so I have an idea of what’s going to happen, Annabelle though…” Jaebum shudders at the idea.

They end up playing clowns in the arcade, Jaebum finding out he’s really getting good at this game and can hit one after the other. Mark had successfully beaten the high score in the punching bag one while Jaebum took over the top 10 spots of the piano rhythm game. They finished another level of Jurassic Park and had gotten another stuffed toy from the crane game.

It was like usual, like going through a schedule except Jaebum still gets excited about every little thing.

By the time he and Mark takes their seat in the mostly empty theatre, he realizes that  _ not a lot of people are coming in to watch this _ . Why? Because it’s on the third week of showing so these are just people who don’t have anything else to see. When the lights go out, Jaebum had successfully counted 10 people including Mark and himself.

But it was okay, Jaebum doesn’t mind so much even when he had to close his eyes a lot or curl into Mark’s side for the duration of the last part.

It was okay because Mark was there to let him lean on him.

  
  


Sacrifice is having an exam the next day, but instead of being locked inside the library studying your notes over and over, you’re out in the mall to find the perfect gift for your boyfriend.

Jaebum knows it’s stupid as he goes to the bookstore where everything was just calling to him. He knows he loves books more than Mark does, but he also knows that there are a lot of more things that he can get here that Mark would appreciate.

He spends an hour going around, debating over and over in his head what he would want to give Mark. In the end he gets a drawing pad, a set of pens perfect for shading, a book on a case that Mark was interested in, and a reading sock. Jaebum grins at his purchase, not minding the price that came with his choices.

When he gets in the library, he spends another 30 minutes writing the perfect note for Mark and his gifts. Then he finally opens his notes to study his ass out for the exam.

  
  
  


Mark couldn’t go out on his birthday because of work. He looked apologetic because he can’t go out the Friday before too, due to a family dinner with his extended family included. Jaebum doesn’t mind even though he was looking forward to spending Mark’s birthday together.

Instead, they go out the Sunday before Mark’s birthday with Jaebum making a ridiculous excuse about having to go out on a Sunday night. They drop by the Japanese restaurant that Mark likes and have dinner there, talking about Mark’s dinner with his family.

Jaebum’s gift was hidden in his bag, heavy. He was having fun with the dinner, but to be honest he just wants to get the gifts over with so he can find out whether he chose right or not.

Dinner didn’t drag on too long, the Japanese restaurant was closing pretty early because it was a Sunday. They pay the bill and walk out side by side, stomach full and having a good time discussing the difference between their food.

“Am I driving you home now? There’s really nowhere else we can go to on a Sunday…” Mark sounds apologetic, and Jaebum feels bad that Mark even feels apologetic at all because this was  _ his  _ birthday.

“Drive me home, I have your birthday gift for you.” Jaebum just says, hoping to get rid of Mark feeling bad.

This got Mark distracted with an excited look on his face, a huge bright smile on his face. “Oh? Come on? What is it?” He asked, nudging Jaebum’s sides to get information.

“The drive to my house is not even, what, 20 minutes? I think you can wait that long until then.” Jaebum teased and got inside the car, waiting for Mark to follow. He laughs at Mark acting all sulky as he entered the car.

Mark plays his CD, the one with Zion.T. He sings along to all the songs, words perfectly enunciated and he looks even more pleased when Jaebum looks at him with awe.

“When did you have the rap part memorized? That was the only thing you were having a hard time with.” Jaebum asked, surprised and touched. Mark knows his love for Zion.T songs and had always indulged him with it.

“You’re not the only one with a surprise today, you know.” Mark winks.

Jaebum’s heart melts immediately.

  
  


As soon as they park near his house, Mark opens the car to hurry to the back while he just uses the space in between the driver’s seat and passenger’s seat to slide to the back. He beats Mark by two seconds, and he grins in triumph while Mark just complains that Jaebum never lets him win.

“Competitions means you don’t let the other person win over you just because it’s their birthday!” Jaebum tuts at Mark and grins when he sees Mark is pouting. “Now, your birthday gifts.”

Mark looks up at this, “Gifts? More than one?”

“Don’t look too excited, my gift to you does not compare to the Harry Potter books you got me for my birthday,” Jaebum explains as he takes out the box from his bag, and hands it over to Mark. “I hope you like it though, I did try to put some thought behind it.”

Mark takes the box, but he leans over to kiss Jaebum first before he returns to his gift. “I told you before, you didn’t have to get me a gift so just the fact that  _ you did  _ is good enough for me. I’m already excited as it is.”

Jaebum watches as Mark opens the box and sees all the notes he scattered at the top before he sees the actual gifts.

“Open the green envelope first.” Jaebum urged.

Mark was quiet as he takes the green envelope and carefully opens the flap to take out the note that Jaebum had written by hand. He grins as he reads it out loud.

“Dear Mark,

Happy Birthday! My gift is probably nothing compared to your gift to me. But, take note because I did think about all your gifts! So I hope you do appreciate them the same way I appreciate having you in my life.

Thank you for being a part of my life, and for letting me be a part of your birthday. I’m sorry I’m always busy with school, but I am so thankful that you’re always there for me.

I love you.”

“I know, it’s cheesy—“ Jaebum doesn’t finish as Mark leans over him to kiss his words and worries away. He melts right into the way Mark wraps his hand at the back of Jaebum’s neck to move him closer,  _ closer. _

“It’s perfect.” Mark grins, “Now, I’m guessing I have to open the blue envelopes and guess the gifts?”

“You know me too well,” Jaebum laughs.

Mark opens the first envelope and read the words out loud, “Your first two gifts match and go together perfectly, one cannot work without the other. Can you guess what I am?”

Jaebum just smiles at him fiddling with the hem of Mark’s sweater. “Care to make any guesses? I think I was pretty straightforward with that question.” He grins at Mark’s confused face, “Come on, make a guess.”

“A notebook and a ballpen?” Mark answers, still looking confused. It was like his answer doesn’t make any sense.

“I’ll take your answer as correct,” Jaebum lets go of Mark’s sweater to take out the drawing pad and the set of pens for drawing and shading. He hands it over and feels a puff of pride in his chest when he sees the way Mark marveled at the two. “I’m taking you like them?”

“They’re perfect!” Mark checks the drawing pad, feeling the paper as if Jaebum would have bought anything that wasn’t the perfect thickness. “And you bought me pens, too! I’m definitely ready for Inktober this year.”

“You are,” Jaebum was smiling so brightly and they were only at the first gift. He doesn’t know how he’ll deal with how much he loves this man in front of him.

“So, second gift,” Mark grabs the next envelope and opens the flap to take out the card. “Congratulations on getting the first gift right! Your next one is even easier, and I am only going to give you one hint: Buzzfeed Unsolved.”

If Mark looked confused earlier, he definitely looks even more confused with this gift. As the two of them loves watching the Unsolved series and are big fans, there were a variety of things that could go along with that hint and Jaebum knew that as well.

“So,” Jaebum poked Mark’s arm, “Any guesses?”

“You didn’t buy me that Unsolved cap that I wanted, did you?” Mark asked, obviously unsure with his question. When Jaebum shook his head, he nodded. “That makes sense, you don’t like it when I wear caps.”

“Because you have a really pretty hair.” And to make his point come across, he ruffles Mark’s head until the other man hit his hand away. “So? What else?”

“Uh,” Mark stared at Jaebum in deep thoughts. “You couldn’t have possibly gotten  _ me  _ the copy of JonBenet Ramsey’s 20th Anniversary book, did you? Cause I know you wanted one and—“ his eyes widened when Jaebum took out the copy of it. “You did! You got it for me!”

“It’s all yours,” Jaebum hands over the book to an excited looking Mark. “You just have to let me borrow it once you’re done reading, okay?”

“I knew there was a catch to you buying me this,” Mark laughs as he gets the book and then presses a kiss to Jaebum’s cheek. “Thank you, I love the book and I promise I’ll finish it fast so that you can read it too.”

Jaebum’s heart flushes with feelings and he grins, silently urging Mark to read the next one.

“Next and last,” Mark is already smiling at the description, “Your last gift is those cold nights you want to snuggle in bed with the book.”

“Guesses?” Jaebum teases.

“You bought me those reading socks?” Mark asked, eyes wide as Jaebum takes out those plain black reading socks. He grabs it and feels the material, already in love with how cozy it feels. “I am fully prepared for winter and a book to read!”

Jaebum smiles warmly, watching Mark fuss over his gifts. He knows his gifts cannot really compare to how much those Harry Potter books he got from Mark are, but he’s at least happy that it looks like he made the right choices.

“Thank you,” Mark says before leaning over to engulf Jaebum in warm embrace and a heated kiss.

  
  


When the clock struck twelve o’clock, Jaebum sent the message he had been saving to Mark.

**Jaebum: I know I wrote you those notes and greeted you earlier before we separated, but I still want to greet you again. Happy birthday, Mark! Thank you so much for being a huge part of my life, and thank you for being so patient with me. I just love every second spent with you no matter how long or short.**

**Jaebum: I love you.**

**Mark: Meeting you was the best thing that could have happened to me. I love you so much.**

**Jaebum: So much?**

**Mark: I love you top to bottom.**

  
  
  


Sometimes Jaebum is just so tired from school. Sometimes he just feels so stressed with all the homeworks, reading and papers he needs to deal with. Sometimes he feels like he’s going crazy, feels like he’s the only one in the world.

So, whenever he gets scared that his mind is going to a place it really shouldn’t, he opens his phone to message the only person that he knows could make the fear go away.

**Jaebum: What are you doing?**

**Jaebum: Are you at work?**

**Jaebum: I want pizza.**

Mark doesn’t always get to reply fast, especially when he does have work. Jaebum pretends he doesn’t check his phone every minute and that the anxiety doesn’t take a toll on him. But everyone goes away as soon as he sees that new message notification with Mark’s name.

**Mark: i’m at work. Do u want me to bring u food later?**

Then Jaebum feels guilty, feels bad for bothering Mark and then making him do things he shouldn’t.

**Jaebum: Lol no it’s fine. I was just thinking I wanted pizza.**

Mark would stop replying after that, always taking Jaebum’s words as it is. He never pushes, never questions and never goes after what Jaebum had said. Sometimes he wishes that Mark would just push a little, run after Jaebum for a second… but then, he knows that was too much to ask for.

  
  
  


They watch IT when it comes out, no popcorns in sight and just drinks for the both of them. They had the armrest pulled up so Mark could put his hand around Jaebum’s arm perfectly.

When Pennywise shows up in the ceiling and everyone in the whole theatre shrieked, Mark joins in and Jaebum was perfectly content to sit and pretend he didn’t just scream a few seconds ago.

They go home discussing the whole movie and how much they’re looking forward to the next one, promising to watch it on the day of it’s showing. Jaebum plays the music for IT, laughing when Mark complains about how he doesn’t want to feel like someone is watching them from the back of the car.

When they arrive in front of Jaebum’s house, Mark kisses Jaebum hard and took his phone from him to delete his IT playlist and replace it with Ed Sheeran.

  
  


Sacrifices are hard to stand by, hard to continue giving. Jaebum knows that Mark has sacrificed so much for him, knows that he should never ask for more because Mark always gives him more than he was expecting.

So when his parents started bothering him about his “boyfriend”, he gets nervous.

“When are you going to introduce this boyfriend of yours?” His mom demanded one night, when it got back to her from one of her friends, that they saw Jaebum with someone in the mall. She demanded who it was, but she already decided it was Jaebum’s boyfriend.

“Mom…” Jaebum sighs, not knowing what to say. They had talked about this scenario before, but it always made Jaebum feel like Mark wasn’t really ready yet. “Drop it, please.”

“But why? I want to meet this boy.” His mom demanded again and his dad just nodded across the table, agreeing. “Why? Does he not want to introduce himself to your parents?”

Jaebum doesn’t even know how to answer that, let alone to even want to answer it. His parents won’t understand even if he explains.

“Be careful, son.” His Dad finally spoke, “If this boy doesn’t want to introduce himself to your parents then his intentions might not be as pure as you think.”

“He could be just using you.” His mom added.

Jaebum stood up from the table, thanked them for the meal and walks back inside his room to lock himself in. He could feel a panic-attack just looming across and his anxiety was kicking across the roof.

Of course they would say that, it must look pretty bad to them that Jaebum doesn’t want to introduce his boyfriend. But why do they have to say those mean things? It makes Jaebum feel horrible, makes him feel like he wants to cry.

_ Mark isn’t just using you. Mark loves you.  _ He knows it, has seen it, and has felt it over and over. Yet. He feels bad, feels horrible and feels like there are tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

Damn his parents for making him feel like this.

  
  


“Hey,” Jaebum was leaning on Mark’s shoulders. They were at the back of Mark’s car, having just finished watching another movie.

“Mhm?” Mark asked, looking down at him. He looked sleepy and Jaebum feels his heart swell again at the scene in front of him.

“What… what do you feel about meeting my parents?” He was nervous as he asked, his hands were shaking and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

He knows that they have always talked about their future, knows that at point they had talked about how serious they are about each other. But, he was still scared, because he also knows that Mark wasn’t ready to meet his parents the same way that  _ he _ wasn’t ready to meet Mark’s parents.

Mark looked alarmed by this question and his eyebrow raised, “What do you mean? Why are you asking?”

“My mom… has a friend that saw us together,” Jaebum explained, biting his lip. “Now even though I denied it and said no, she believes I have a boyfriend. And they’re very… adamant about meeting you. What excuse should I say?” He added the last part just so Mark knows that he doesn’t want this either.

Mark looked placated at this, probably half-scared that Jaebum was going to make him see his parents. “It’s not that I don’t want to meet your family, but I just… I don’t think I’m ready yet.” He answered truthfully before looking at Jaebum, “Is that okay?”

Jaebum smiles at him, the nerves still making him feel like a coward. “It’s more than okay. I don’t mind at all. I’m not ready to meet your family either so I know why.” He patted Mark’s arms, “But I need an excuse to use on what to tell my parents.”

With this, Mark’s eyes widened in excitement, “Oh, excuses I can definitely come up with…”

For the next hour, they discussed the pros and cons of their excuses. They shot down each one that sounded bad, and came up with new ones. In the end, they decided sticking to a half-truth is much better than a well-thought lie.

  
  


“I just don’t think I’m ready to have you meet him yet…” Jaebum was trying hard to pull all the courage he has in his body so he could say those words he had rehearsed in his head over and over again. “He isn’t too, but I know that one day we will be ready.”

His mom didn’t look pleased and his dad made no remarks, but he obviously did not agree with his decision either.

For now, they seemed to be placated enough.

  
  


On one fine day in October, Jaebum’s paper on racism and the laws of his originating country compared to the laws in this country was awarded the highest grade in the history of his Legal History class.

Jaebum excitedly took a photo of it and sent it to Mark.

**Jaebum: [insert photo of the grade]**

**Jaebum: Can we please get dinner this Friday to celebrate this?**

**Mark: !!!! Wow !!!! Congratulations!!! I knew u could it!!! And u were so stressed with this paper too!!!**

**Mark: dinner on friday for the highest scorer in history c:**

**Jaebum: See you on Friday then.**

Nayeon had excitedly congratulated him, almost jumping on him in her excitement. She had all but told every single one of her friends about his achievement.

“Don’t you just want to scream this for the world to hear, oppa?” Nayeon asked when Jaebum made no more move to message or call anyone else.

“I already did,” he smiles, excited at the thought of the dinner on Friday already. “I already told the person who needs to know.”

Nayeom made vomiting and gurgling sounds, but she really was just excited for his award so she congratulated him again. “I’m just so proud of you, oppa. So when you graduate to become the best lawyer in the whole Manitoba area, can you please hire me in your Law Office?”

Jaebum just laughs at Nayeon’s words because she pretends as if she’s not one of the top students as well. “I will be sure to hire you, don’t worry.”

  
  


The thing with happiness is that it’s fleeting and easy to ruin, easy to get rid. With happiness too, you become easier to get mad after that. Why? Why does happiness bring you the brightest most amazing memory first, and then have it easily ruined?

Jaebum thought it was a pretty normal Thursday as he battled with homeworks with the coffee he bought that morning. It was cold by now, but he still takes sips from it before balking at the taste. He was only looking forward to Friday, excited to celebrate his achievement with the only person he wants to really thank.

He already has it in his head wherein they will get dinner somewhere  _ actually  _ nice and not just fast food like they’ve been going to lately. He wants to treat Mark to proper dinner because Mark does deserve this award as much as he does. Was it not Mark who brought him coffee and encouraged him that night?

Jaebum’s thoughts were interrupted by his phone, flashing on his right with Mark’s name. Of course, he eagerly opens it.

**Mark: is it ok if i do overtime tomorrow night? I was offered overtime and it doesn’t usually happen. Is it ok?**

Disappointment. The heavy drop of  _ something  _ to his stomach. His whole body turned cold. Jaebum waited, waited patiently for Mark to explain. To apologize. To make arrangements for a different time to go out.

A minute. Ten. Twenty.

**Mark: i don’t usually get offered overtime so i really want to do this**

**Mark: is it ok?**

Jaebum can’t distinguish between feeling bad for himself that his boyfriend probably doesn’t even remember what the reason for their Friday night out was or that his boyfriend is even asking for permission. Either way, he couldn’t help the sting of pain that struck him.

**Jaebum: what the fuck**

**Mark: it’s just this week! We won’t have anymore overtimes in the whole season. U know i wanna save up**

Jaebum knows. Jaebum is quite familiar with that knowledge, in fact that was topic they always have. Mark seems to think that he isn’t doing well enough, saving up enough. Jaebum  _ knows  _ this, but he couldn’t help feeling betrayed. How come Mark wasn’t even apologizing? How come Mark wasn’t even saying  _ anything  _ about the reason for tomorrow’s dinner?

**Jaebum: i want to talk to you. Can you pick me up tonight?**

**Mark: can’t. We’ll talk tomorrow.**

**Mark: i’ll pick you up after school**

**Jaebum: what about overtime? School ends at 4:30 and your work starts 3:00**

**Mark: Tomorrow. We’ll talk tomorrow.**

Jaebum could read the coldness in the way Mark answered his suggestion to talk. Why was he the one feeling bad about this when Jaebum was the one being ditched? Why was Mark being so cold?

Jaebum was dreading tomorrow now.

  
  
  


Mark and Jaebum hardly ever fight or have fights that are serious. Jaebum couldn’t remember a time wherein he was this awkward, this nervous about seeing Mark and not because it was a good thing.

But when he gets in the car, Mark didn’t even speak. He was just looking ahead, eyes cold and his whole body stiff.

What else is Jaebum to do but to act indifferent too? How could he let Mark see how he couldn’t sleep the night before, wondering what went wrong? How could he let Mark know how much he dreaded the clock to strike 4:30 when he was usually so excited about it?

**How could he let Mark know how disappointed he was that his achievement, something that everyone was so excited about, didn’t seem to be of any importance to Mark?**

They drive towards Jaebum’s house, neither of them saying anything.

It was Mark who speaks first, though, surprisingly. “How come you don’t seem to understand how important work is to me?” He demanded, eyes on the road. “I told you time and time again that I want to save up, that I want to  _ have  _ something. How come it seems like you don’t even think that’s important at all?”

The disappointment loomed over him again. “Then why did you ask me for permission in the first place if you really wanted it? You could have just told me.” Jaebum asked in return, fiddling with his fingers.

“Because you always react like this!” Mark complained, his voice cold. So cold. “So I feel like I have to ask you every single time about what I want to do.”

There was a sting, something that made Jaebum feel like something wasn’t right. He tries to hide his red eyes. “I’m sorry if I always react like that. I know I said I would try to change, but I guess I wasn’t doing such a good job of it.” He doesn’t even know what to say to Mark’s words, not even knowing what he actually did wrong.

Jaebum’s house came into view and Mark parked the car still quite a few steps away from it.

“Why would you react like that to my question? I was asking you properly, and I even tried to explain to you!” Mark demanded again, facing him this time. “And then what, you answered ‘what the fuck’ and even had the gall to mock me?”

That had made Jaebum’s eyes snap to Mark because what? He looked at Mark and searched through him, and wow. He was telling the truth. Mark really thought that Jaebum was making fun of him.

“Why would I make fun of you? Why would I do that?” Jaebum asked, trying to go throught the conversation in his head because he really couldn’t remember ever doing that.

“When I told you that I will just pick you up tomorrow after school, you answered me mockingly and told me that I’ll be late with my overtime.” Mark answered, believing every word he says. “How could I not interpret that as you mocking me when you just said previously ‘what the fuck’?”

Jaebum couldn’t help the tears anymore, not even knowing where to start. He felt so unfair, felt disappointed and felt helpless. How could Mark think that of him? When had he ever mocked Mark? “When have I ever mocked you, Mark? When did I ever made fun of you that wasn’t well meaning or just a joke between the two of us?” He looked at him, “Do you really think that lowly of me?”

Mark looked like he regret saying it, but it was obvious he wasn’t about to just drop all his fight and defence because of these questions. “Well, how was I supposed to know?”

“You ask me!” Jaebum answered immediately. “You ask me and talk to me! Because I wanted to talk to you last night so we wouldn’t be in this exact position right now—fighting and misunderstanding everything!”

“You said you wanted to talk to me, you sounded mad. You came in the car and you looked mad. How else am I going to think?” Mark asked, and he looked like he regrets it this time.

“I don’t know, maybe I wanted to talk to you face to face because messages can get the wrong emotions across? Just like right now?” Jaebum closed his eyes, “And for the record, I wanted to talk to you because I wanted to ask if you even remembered why I wanted to go out today.”

Mark didn’t answer immediately, “Don’t we always go out every Friday anyway?”

“We do, but what was so special about this Friday? Why did I ask you out this time? Why was I so stupidly waiting for you to make arrangements for a separate day to have dinner while you were thinking I was just being unreasonable?” Jaebum asked. “What happened this week that got me so excited?”

He saw the exact moment it registered in Mark’s mind what had happened, and this time, he was the one looking guilty instead of looking like he was ready to put up a fight.

“You should have just told me…” Mark said quietly, and Jaebum can tell he wasn’t going to fight anymore.  All the other feelings had left his body and he looked complacent, placid and just guilty.

“How was I supposed to know that my own boyfriend would forget something I was so excited about?” Jaebum asked, not able to keep the bitterness away from his voice. “I was waiting for it to click to you. I was waiting for you to make arrangements for a different time to meet. But—“

“I didn’t.” Mark finished his sentence. “I’m such a horrible boyfriend. I don’t even know why you put up with me. I forget this thing. I make different arrangements on the day we were celebrating it. I put all the blame in you and make you cry again. Why do you even put up with me?”

“You’re not that bad, at least you’re not always this bad.” Jaebum answered, “But I didn’t want to say that the reason why I wanted to go out today was because of my award. It was nothing big, we could’ve gone out some other day—if you suggested any.”

“If it was important enough for you, then it should have been important enough for me to not do overtime.” And as if Mark had decided, he turned the engine on the car again. “I’m not going back to do overtime. We’re going out to get dinner and I will make up for this mess I created.”

“It wasn’t just you. We’re both at fault here,” Jaebum answered, “And you don’t have to skip work for me. You can do your overtime and we can just go some other day, okay?”

Mark shook his head, “No, no, we’ll do it today. It was amazing of you, and I am terribly proud of you. So, we’re going today.”

And that was that.

  
  


The drive to the mall was awkward in a sense that they had just been fighting a few minutes prior. They were both making effort to make it less than so, making small talk and distracting themselves.

Mark puts in a playlist he made the other night, full of sad songs.

“I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t take the knowledge that I knew you were mad.” Mark said as a way of explanation.

The playlist consisted of a lot of old songs from the early 2000s, and all of them were in English. Mark was amused as Jaebum sang along to most of them, knowing songs from back in his childhood.

Singing along managed to elevate some of the awkwardness, giving them enough space to start making jokes again and poking fun with each other. They were not quite back to normal, but they’re getting there quite a bit closer now.

  
  


Mark was adamant about not eating in a fancy ass restaurant as he called it. He wasn’t hungry, he said. Ate Turkey Bacon Club before he went to pick up Jaebum, he said.

Begrudgingly, Jaebum agreed to no fancy ass restaurant and decided that since Mark wanted fries from A&W that they might as well get some.

Jaebum gets a proper meal, chewing slowly as Mark got into a tale about the co-workers he has that Jaebum hasn’t properly met ever. They laugh together, not minding everything around them. They seem to just talk, talk and talk. Jaebum even forgets why they were in here eating mozza burgers and sweet potato fries instead of eating pasta and/or pizza (always debatable when it comes to him) like he had planned.

It’s fine, he thinks. They weren’t good with patching things up from a fight, the last one being the first one before they got together.

And then.

Then he sees it. Sees  _ them _ . It didn’t take long for Mark to see them too, Jaebum having stared at far too long.

“A-are those your parents?” Mark asked, sounding almost afraid. Jaebum would feel bad for him if he didn’t feel scared too. “What are they doing here?”

Jaebum would have a nasty comeback to that if it was any other day. However, today was not like any other day and he has no choice but to open his mouth and comprehend an answer. “T-they must’ve come here to get dinner. Do you—do you think they’ve seen us already?”

Mark doesn’t answer immediately, “Let’s go.”

Jaebum doesn’t ask any questions, follows Mark outside the door. He prays that his parents hasn’t seen him—seen them, but he knows the chances are high. But he tries not to let his nervousness show, the way his feet were wobbling on the walk out.

They ride the car in silence, shocked, probably. They zoom out immediately, on the road in an instant.

Then, Jaebum sees his phone ring with his Dad’s phone number. When he didn’t answer, his Mom called too. They both left voicemails for him. I mean, they could be calling for a different reason, right? Totally different reasons that doesn’t mean—and then, the text messages came.

**From: Dad**

**Message: why did you go? You could have introduced him to us then and there.**

**From: Mom**

**Message: What are you both hiding for? Your boyfriend must be hiding something for the two of you to actually leave when we were RIGHT THERE**

Jaebum doesn’t know how to answer, and neither does Mark, if the way he kept giving Jaebum curious looks is to go by. 

“What am I gonna do?” Jaebum finally asked.

Mark parked the car a road away from his house. He faced Jaebum, looking nervous and afraid as well. “Are you afraid of what they’re going to say?” He asked.

“I know what they’re saying already,” he couldn’t feel his breathing anymore, his whole body shaking. “Should we have stayed? Should I have introduced them to you right then and there?”

“Do you want to come back?” Mark asked, as if he didn’t look afraid.

Jaebum’s phone rang again, and this time he answered it, “H-hello?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” his Mom definitely sounded mad, “But if I were you, I’ll leave that boy alone if he won’t introduce himself to us.” Then the line was cut, his Mom having ended the call without even giving him any time to explain himself.

“I… I don’t know what to do, Mark,” Jaebum was crying, his hands shaking and having no idea what to do. He was just sitting there, confused because even though he knows he does want to introduce Mark just to keep them happy, but he  _ knows  _ and has  _ asked  _ Mark about it.

“Do you want me to just come introduce myself to your parents?” Mark asked, sounding nervous even as he said it. He looked like he didn’t even want to be suggesting it, as if he hasn’t any choice in the matter. “Nothing would change after that, right? I just need to impress them and all?”

Jaebum looked at Mark, not even believing what he was hearing. “A-are you sure?”

Mark nodded and Jaebum doesn’t believe him for a second, “What is the harm, right? I can just go there next Friday when they go home early from work. We can buy Korean or anything they like and bring that. Then I can just, sweep them off their feet with charms or something.”

Jaebum couldn’t believe what he was hearing so he asked the only thing that mattered right now, “Are you… are you serious about me, Mark? About this—us?”

Mark nodded, and he actually looked believable.

“Then, okay. Okay. I’ll placate them for now and introduce you next Friday?” Jaebum asked, ironing out the detail in his head so he can make excuses when he gets home.

“Yeah,” Mark’s smile looks forced, “Next week.”

  
  


Jaebum knows that Mark was being forced into this, but he couldn’t help the bubble of happiness that overcomes his whole body. He knows, or could feel, that Mark was serious about him. But this, something that is a little bit final, makes him feel so much secure.

**Jaebum: I’m going to introduce Mark to my parents this Friday.**

**Jinyoung: WHAT how did you do it**

**Jaebum: it was his idea, but we got caught by my parents. But anyway, next Friday!!!**

**Jinyoung: Good luck, hyung! Tell me how it goes.**

Jaebum just feels so proud. So happy. So secure. He can’t help the bubble inside him just threatening to explode from this. They’ll be free soon. No more hiding.

**Jaebum: I’m going to introduce Mark to my parents this Friday.**

**Nayeon: Wow oppa! This is a huge step for the two of you! I’m proud, oppa <3**

**Jaebum: wish us luck!**

**Nayeon: good luck, oppa! And tell me all about it on saturday!!!**

Jaebum grins to himself, closes his eyes and just stops to feel every single feeling. 

This is it. 

This is where they truly start.

  
  


Mark wasn’t replying the whole weekend, and if he was, he didn’t sound like himself. Jaebum tries to let it go because he knows Mark must probably be trying to get his mind wrapped around what was happening.

**Jaebum: If you need anything, just tell me.**

Mark doesn’t reply.

  
  
  


It was Monday when Mark finally replied, or messaged. Jaebum was in the middle of a lecture but his heart lit up when he saw Mark’s name in his phone. He hid his phone under his table and opened the chat.

**Mark: I have the car with me today. I’ll pick you up after school, okay?**

**Jaebum: Okay. See you later!**

Everything was fine, then. Mark was back to picking him up in school to drive him home after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're almost done with this. i only have 2 more chapters left. i love the next chapter because it is the longest one and the one i spent lots of time wrtiting. but! before that, please read this and tell me what you think first! ((please))


	8. Pain

“Let’s end this.” Mark had said, the words clear and ringing through the small enclosed space of his car. He doesn’t say anything else after that.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jaebum’s heart had stopped beating a long time ago, since Mark had uttered those first few words. “Tell me you’re kidding me right fucking now.”

Mark doesn’t say anything else, at least not immediately, his eyes not even moving to where Jaebum was sitting. “I meant what I said. Let’s end this.” Mark says once more, his voice hard without any kind of feelings.

“Fucking hell, is this about meeting my parents? Is that it?” Jaebum demands, feeling the hot tears on his eyes before he even knew it. “Because if it was then we could have talked about this instead!”

Mark’s lips were thin, pressed tightly together as he continued to sit with his eyes in front and not once looking at where Jaebum sat. “A little, yes. I just realized that… I’m not really ready for a serious relationship at all.”

“What the fuck? Is this your commitment issue again?” Jaebum spits out, words angry and his heart breaking with every word Mark says. “You told me you were sure about me! And that’s it, isn’t it? You’re not sure about me again?!”

Mark nods in lieu of actually answering.

“Fuck you.” Jaebum grits his teeth. “I can’t fucking believe you right now. What else? What else do you want to say?”

“I—I just realized that…” Mark bit his lip, “It’s been weeks, almost three, since I actually wanted to make you happy. I, I’m not explaining it well. I just woke up one day and I didn’t want to see you—didn’t want to reply to you. I just, I felt like it was a chore.”

“You said you like going out and spending time with me!” Jaebum’s voice was going higher, his clothes feeling tight around him. His tears hasn’t stopped falling and he knows it’s not going to be anytime soon before they do stop.

“I did. I did before,” Mark sounded frustrated, but Jaebum couldn’t care less. “Then I started feeling like every time I spent with you, I could have spent doing something better—doing something else.”

And that hurt. That hurt more than Mark saying he doesn’t want to make Jaebum happy anymore. The pain that went through Jaebum’s heart stings, strong and just plain  _ painful _ .

“You’ve been lying to me for weeks?” Jaebuym asks, his voice low.

“I’m sorry,” Mark said, “but I haven’t loved you in weeks. I’m not even sure if I knew what love is and if I did love you.”

Which is stupid because Jaebum knew the exact moment that he had fallen in love with Mark, could pinpoint when he started feeling more than  _ like  _ for the boy beside him.

“You haven’t looked at me at all,” Jaebum had turned to the side to look at Mark, “if this is the last time that I’ll see you, if this is the last time that I’ll talk to you, I need you to look at me, Mark Tuan.”

Mark had slowly moved, turning his body sideways. Jaebum almost wish he hasn’t asked for Mark to do so. Because right there, where there used to be warmth and happiness on the other boy’s face was now just blank. Cold. Indifferent. It was as if Mark had actually decided on this for weeks, had prepared himself.

Jaebum had no idea.

He knew he looked stupid, knew the tears staining his cheeks were hot and his face was drenched. “I’ve been so stupid, so so stupid. I didn’t even know… I had no idea. And yet,” he wiped some of the tears from his eyes, “here you are, looking at me with  _ nothing _ . As if I was nothing.”

“That’s not true,” Mark hasn’t shown any kind of emotion, “I did like you before. And you’re not stupid, nor are you nothing. You’re one of the smartest, most amazing person I’ve known.”

“Fuck, stop lying to me.” Jaebum couldn’t even believe those words, words he used to treasure and repeat to himself until he could believe them. “How could I not be stupid when I couldn’t even  _ tell  _ that you stopped loving me? I thought for weeks, haven’t even questioned it.”

Mark doesn’t say anything to that.

“And how can I be anything but nothing? The person I’ve poured my whole love to, the person I thought would always be beside me… just told me he hasn’t loved me in a while.” Jaebum laughs, his voice breaking midway. “I fucking wish I didn’t meet you. I wish I didn’t go to work there or that I left after what first week with Chris.”

That seemed to have an effect on Mark, the other boy stiffening on his seat.

“Do you… regret meeting me?” Mark asked.

“Yes. No. Maybe.” Jaebum shakes his head, “I don’t even fucking know at this point.”

Mark goes back to staring in front, “I’m sorry. It was a hard decision for me, but… I’m sorry. I know you’re in pain—“ Jaebum laughed at that, “—but I know you are. So whatever will make it easier for you, whatever will make it better for you… anything.”

Jaebum stared at him, stared at the other boy because it hurts. That blonde hair shining even in the dark, that shoulders Jaebum had used to count on…

“Then I want you to listen to me.” Jaebum didn’t even wait for Mark to agree before continuing, “I used to dream of a thousand scenarios of the way we would end, used to come up with the stupidest reasons for us to break up, but I had always known it was going to be you. Because I love you a thousand times more than you definitely love me, I love you even more each day, and I love you even when you’re breaking my fucking damn heart.”

“If this is the last time, and I know it most probably is then I want to say the things I didn’t get to say to you,” Jaebum wiped his tears with his hands, “I thought I had more time with you, thought I maybe have  _ years  _ before we get to our expiration date. But I’ll take what I can get, I had nine months with you when I originally thought we had nothing.”

“Thank you for everything you have done for me. From that first time we saw each other to all the times you answered my messages and my calls to the times we went out together, sacrificing your time for me. Thank you for being amazing, for making me feel like maybe, just maybe, Winnipeg can be a home too. It’s going to be hard not thinking of you everytime I go somewhere, but…” Jaebum could already feel the ache in his chest at the mere  _ thought  _ of going inside the restaurants they used to eat at or the malls they used to hang out in, “I’ll manage and just be thankful I had that time with you, that chance.”

“I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry you stopped loving me. I’m sorry you wasted so much time with me. I’m sorry,” Jaebum’s tears started falling again just when he thought he was actually okay. The only consolation is that Mark was crying now, too. “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. I really wish I was because things would be so much better for me if I was.”

“I hope that someday, someday you’ll find someone who will make you feel like commitment isn’t something to be scared of or a serious relationship is actually a good thing. I wish it was me, but I really do hope you find someone who will make you feel like it’s okay to risk everything.” Jaebum could see Mark crying, “You were amazing, you were the best. You’re not a horrible person for doing this, I know you’re a good person still.”

“I don’t think I am…” Mark murmured, whispered.

“Don’t. Don’t think you are not.” Jaebum answered back, tears flowing just the same. “Even until the end, I love you and I enjoyed every minute with you. You were the very best.”

“I’m really, really not. I don’t even want to be in a relationship again, because I can’t believe I’m letting you go.” Mark finally spoke, word clear even though his voice was shaking badly. “I mean, how can anyone be stupid enough to let you go? Me.”

Jaebum barks a laugh, “I almost wish I hadn’t met you because I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all. You just happened. And I, I wish we just stayed as friends. We were great friends and that’s ruined just because we started dating.”

“Don’t. I, I was the one who asked you out.” Mark said.

“You were,” Jaebum agreed, “And now you’re the one breaking my heart.”

“I wish there was something I can do to make the pain less, to make it easier for you.” Mark spoke, words in a whisper. “If you want to… if you want to hit me…”

Jaebum barks out a laugh, “Face me. Mark Tuan, face me.”

Mark did, slowly facing Jaebum but still avoiding his eyes. Jaebum can’t tell if it was because Mark feel ashamed of himself or if there was something in his eyes that is not worth seeing.

“You are a fucking asshole to the highest level.” Jaebum had wanted to hit him, punch him and destroy that pretty face he loves, but he knows Mark has work tomorrow and he’s not  _ that  _ heartless. So he slaps him, the sound of his hand hitting Mark ringing through the small space.

“I wish I can do something about you, get angry at you—instead it’s me I’m mad at.” Jaebum slaps him again, on the other side of his face this time. He sees Mark close his eyes, the pain probably something you can feel now.

“I wish I was worth it, I wish I can just turn back the time and not have met you.” He hits him again, sees the red on Mark’s cheek. It’s scary how he doesn’t feel bad at all.

“But you just fucking broke my heart and I wish I can just—hurt you back.” Jaebum could feel the tears streaming down his cheeks. Another slap.

“But you know what’s so horrible? Do you know what I hate the most?” He asks and Mark shakes his, just in time for Jaebum to deal with his last blow. “That if you ask me to take you back tomorrow, I will probably say yes.”

Jaebum wipes his tears, “Because even when you’re breaking my heart in pieces, I still love you.”

Mark didn’t seem to say anything for a while before he finally spoke, “Get out.”

“I am. I am now,” Jaebum grabs his things, pretending his heart isn’t cracking with every word he hears. “I’m going.”

Mark doesn’t look at him, eyes turned downwards.

Jaebum steps out of the car, looks at Mark for what may be the last time. All he sees is the man he loves, eyes avoiding him as if he wasn’t even worth it. He couldn’t recognize him anymore, everything felt a dream. Then he closes the door and steps away, he walks towards his house.

The car hasn’t left yet even when he was on his doorstep and there was this sudden  _ urge  _ for him to go back, to demand more explanation. (To ask for Mark to take him back.) Instead, he takes one last look before slotting the keys to their door and turning the door knob.

As soon as Jaebum enters his room, he pretends that Mark’s memory hasn’t tainted the whole place, and he slides down to floor and cries some more.

Nora comes to lie down on his lap, Jaebum holds her close.

  
  


When you’re a Law student, having a broken heart isn’t enough of a reason to skip classes. So Jaebum is up bright and early the next morning, sitting on his chair with his laptop on, a cup of coffee with four espresso shots inside, and his notes sprawled around him as if he wasn’t awake until 4:00 am cradling his broken heart.

“You look like shit.” Nayeon greets him, placing her bag on the space beside Jaebum’s. She arches her eyebrow at Jaebum’s swollen eyes and his hunched shoulder, taking it in. “What happened, oppa?”

Jaebum can’t even say the words without wincing, “Mark… broke up with me.”

If only Jaebum doesn’t feel shocked at what had happened last night, he would say Nayeon was shocked. However, there was probably no one as shocked as he was.

“What? Why? When? How?  _ Why? _ ” She demanded, hands reaching out to his shoulders. “Are you okay, oppa?”

Jaebum closes his eyes and the tears come easy, fast and unrelenting. “Last night, right after he dropped me off in front of my house. He said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, and that he hasn’t loved me in weeks. Three weeks.”

Nayeon opens her arms for a hug and reaches over, hugging Jaebum tightly for someone who is probably just half his size and half his weight. “Oppa, I have no idea how this happened and why Mark is so stupid to even let go of you, but just cry it out. Just cry it out. It’s going to be easier if you just cry. If we didn’t have a lecture on Legal History today I’ll tell you to skip class, but as it stands, we do.”

Jaebum reaches over Nayeon, “I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad. I just wish I saw this coming. I wish I wasn’t so stupid not to even see this coming. I was so happy yesterday, happily taking the seat beside him not even knowing.”

“You’re not stupid, oppa. He is.” Nayeon rubbed soothing circles on his back, “He’s stupid. He is. How could he let you go? He’s a coward. LIsten to me, oppa. I saw you just last week and I don’t think I’m buying his ‘I haven’t loved you in three weeks’ spiel.”

“But he doesn’t look like he loved me anymore,” Jaebum replied.

“Mark my words, oppa. He’s going to come running back to you.” Nayeon promised.

They would have continued it if not for a huge group of their classmates coming in, laughing at whatever their topic was to notice them. But they let go, sitting properly on their desk while Nayeon took out her laptop and notes.

Just before their lecture started, she mouthed, “Later.”

  
  


Later turned out to be lunch in her apartment with take outs on their hands. She unlocks the door and grabs her share of the food from Jaebum before they walked in.

Jaebum has been here before, the coziness of the place was something he had always liked. But all he does is sit on the couch, taking out the containers of food they bought. He also has another coffee, this time with just two shots of espresso. He doesn’t tell Nayeon though, knowing full well she’ll probably get mad. Sometimes he forgets who’s older and who’s the one that needs taking care of.

“Okay,” Nayeon sat cross legged on her couch as she took the container of fettucine alfredo she bought. “Start, oppa.”

So Jaebum does. He starts from the very start, from when he and Nayeon separated for him to get in Mark’s car. He tells her about the trip to go home, tells her about the moment they stopped the car. He tells her about the exact moment his heart broke and every little detail he could remember. He tells her about how he felt, what he felt and what he saw. He tells her about when they separated and when he arrived at home. By the end of it, he was crying again and he just wishes he can forward time to when it doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.

“Do you understand why I feel so stupid? I had no fucking idea and there he was, planning everything in his fucking head.” Jaebum’s food was cold by now, his order of carbonara not even looking as appetizing as it usually does.

Nayeon looked thoughtful for a moment. “Oppa, do you really believe he doesn’t love you anymore?” She asked, eyes trained on him.

“I don’t know what to believe on anymore.” Jaebum answers, his heart aching at the mere thought of the past three weeks just being a lie. That he was so in love with Mark that he can’t even tell what is what anymore.

“Because I saw you a week ago and I know he loves you still.” Nayeon reached over and squeezed Jaebum’s arms, “Oppa, I know it hurts. However, you need to know that he might be scared of a serious relationship, but he is most definitely still in love with you last week—even now. He probably said that thinking it’ll make you feel better, make it easier.”

Jaebum shakes his head, unwilling to even think of it. “I just need the pain to go away, that’s all.”

“Then, I hope you can tell people, your friends, about what happened. Just tell them, oppa. Repeat the story over and over until it doesn’t make you cry anymore, until it doesn’t hurt so bad.” Nayeon explained, “Jinyoung oppa would most definitely want to know, Jackson… I know the girls will. Anyone you’re comfortable with knowing.”

Jaebum just nods, looking down on his food.

“And oppa?” Nayeon waited for him to look up. “Mark my words, Mark is going to ask for you back.”

  
  


Jaebum was tempted numerous times to open their chat, message Mark and demand he explain everything. But he doesn’t, he stays away from their chat. He stays away from his photo album.

Jaebum was weak, but he doesn’t need to let Mark know that.

  
  


Jaebum had messaged Jinyoung a couple of hours ago knowing the other boy was at work. He wasn’t expecting Jinyoung to sound so mad though, especially since Jinyoung and Mark had known each other for years.

**Jinyoung: what the fuck???? WHAT THE FUCK DID MARK DO**

**Jinyoung: HYUNG WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU EXPLAIN**

**Jinyoung: YOU NEED TO CALL ME ON YOUR DAY OFF. SATURDAY? MORNING**

**Jinyoung: I will shave Mark’s head when I see him next**

**Jinyoung: I’ll get Jackson to do the shaving so it’s going to look so ugly**

**Jinyoung: u better answer me when i call you on the weekend**

**Jaebum: Then I’ll talk to you on Saturday.**

**Jinyoung: i hope ur okay hyung**

**Jaebum: I’m not, but I hope I will be too.**

  
  


Jaebum had fallen in love with Mark in a whirlwind, unexpected and just fast. He had come in to a new country, had come in to a new work, had to speak in a language he wasn’t used to. Mark had been there, ready to catch him when he fell. Mark had made him feel like Winnipeg  _ can  _ be home too.

Now, with Jaebum lying down on his bed—where he and Mark had spent hours cuddling just a mere week ago, his mind traitorously supplied—he can’t help but feel cheated.

Jaebum thought he had more than nine months with Mark, thought maybe they could last longer together. They rarely fought and always made up afterwards. They share so many similarities, their humour even on the same scale.

Yet…

Yet here Jaebum is, lying down on his bed with sweet memories turning bitter by the second.

  
  


“Do you have the fifth slide, oppa?” Nayeon asked almost a little bit hysterical, the way she usually is when it comes to school work.

“I’ll send it to you by email.” Jaebum assures her, attaching the slide and sending it to her. His phone chimes at that exact moment and he opens it without checking who it was from.

**Mark: hey…**

Jaebum felt his throat constrict and his heart immediately ache. There are already unshed tears just waiting to flow as he types out a reply.

**Jaebum: Yes?**

**Mark: can i talk to you in person?**

**Jaebum: When?**

**Mark: friday?**

**Jaebum: After school. I get out at 2:30pm.**

**Mark: i’ll come pick you up then**

**Jaebum: Okay.**

Jaebum didn’t realize he had gone quiet, hadn’t realized the tears had actually started falling. He looks up at Nayeon who was looking at him worriedly.

“That was Mark.” He said, as if that explains the tears (it does).

“What did he want?” Nayeon snaps.

“He wants to talk to me in person this Friday after class,” Jaebum wiped the tears from his eyes, “What else does he want from me? What more pain does he want to bring to me?!”

Nayeon had immediately put down her laptop on the coffee table to move over to him and engulf him in a hug. “Oppa,you don’t even know what you’re going to be talking about. He could say anything to you that day, he probably wants you back.”

“He doesn’t love me anymore, remember? Of course he’s not going to ask for me back.”

Nayeon pretends she hasn’t heard him, “So? Are you going? What are you going say? You need to prepare yourself.” She looked thoughtful, “Can you listen to me properly, oppa?”

Jaebum nods, knowing he has no choice anyway.

“Whatever happens on Friday, whatever he says on Friday, you need to prepare yourself. Things can go either way on Friday, either he tells you the real reason he was an asshole or that he asks for you back.” Nayeon raises an eyebrow at him, “If he does tell you the real reason why he broke up, because I definitely am not accepting that half-ass ‘I haven’t loved you in three weeks’, then you need to be strong.”

Jaebum just nods his head, “I can’t even think of anything right now that might hurt more than him not loving me anymore. I kind of just wish he found someone else that way it’s not so shocking for him to just—just stop.” His heart aches still and he knows it’s not going to be easy anytime soon.

“There are a lot of things that can hurt, oppa. But it’s good, I think you’re ready to hear something even more painful.” Nayeon pulls away from the hug, “Now for the other one, the one where he asks for you back… do you  _ still  _ want him back?”

Jaebum bites his lip, actually not knowing what to say. Because he does, his heart might have gotten plummeted to the floor and broken into tiny little pieces, but it has only been two days. He most definitely still loves Mark, can still feel his heart yearning to see him or touch him or just  _ hear  _ him.

“I can’t lie, I do still love him and I do still want him back, but what does that entail?” Jaebum wipes the tears from his eyes, “I just heard him say that he doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t even want to make me happy anymore.”

“Did you believe him when he said that?” Nayeon asked, tilting her head to look at him.

“Yes, I did because at that moment he was breaking up with me. How else am I not supposed to believe that?” Jaebum answered honestly. He had spent the past few hours making himself believe that, reminding his heart over and over not to love Mark anymore.

“Just be ready, oppa. Just know that if he asks for you back, you need to know what that means. Will you just take him, no questions asked? Or will you stand up and tell him to stop being a coward and not just break your heart when he gets scared.”

  
  


The days felt like they were being dragged by quickly. Jaebum didn’t even have enough time to feel tired even though he was up until the early mornings working on his papers and preparing for recitations he won’t even be called for. But he knew he has to work extra-harder because he’s a foreigner studying the law of a new country.

By the time Friday morning rolled in, Jaebum didn’t even have enough time to feel anxious or feel nervous or feel sad.

“You ready for today?” Nayeon had asked as soon as she came in. She was asking both about their presentation for today and what would come later, but Jaebum just nods at her. “I believe in you, oppa.”

At least, at least someone does.

  
  


It was easier to pretend the clock wasn’t ticking to the time he would have to see Mark again. When just a week before he was counting down the time until he  _ would  _ be able to see Mark again, now he’s wishing the clock would stop. Just give him a moment, give him time. Let him breathe.

Even before he realized it, his last class was let out and the students were getting up from their desk to get ready. Everyone were excited about having an early Friday, as if they didn’t have a lot of homework due Monday that they should really get started on.

“You’ll be okay, oppa.” Nayeon whispered even though Jaebum heard her clearly. “Text me when you’re done and tell me what happened, okay? No matter what, I'll be here to listen to you.”

Jaebum nods.

  
  


It was bright outside, the air warm and the wind not too harsh. It was like a complete difference from the way he was feeling. But before he could even think too much, before he could even wonder if he was doing the right thing, he sees him.

Mark was standing awkwardly just outside his university. His blonde hair shone under the sunlight, blinding and beautiful at the same time. He pretends this doesn’t hurt him. He was wearing one of Jaebum’s favourite sweater on him, the black and blue one he wore during their first date.

Then Mark saw him, eyes downcast. Jaebum walks over to him, pretending it doesn’t hurt.

“We should go talk somewhere quiet.” Jaebum doesn’t wait for Mark to answer and just started walking to where there were picnic tables and not a lot of people around. The next class would probably be let out at 4:30 so they would have peace and quiet for now.

Jaebum sits down first and Mark follows, sitting right across him. And for the first time in really  _ long  _ while, they were quiet. Awkwardness lingering in the air and the lull of cars passing by just a background music.

“You… look fine.” Mark was the first one to speak.

Jaebum doesn’t know how to answer to that.

“I, I just want to… I want to apologize.” Mark’s voice sounded like he was in pain and Jaebum doesn’t feel like that was right, why was Mark the one in pain? “I haven’t been sleeping, I haven’t been eating. I can’t  _ stop  _ thinking about you. I just sit there, wondering what you’re doing. I lie down on my bed, wondering if I made the right choice. I… I’m sorry.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well or eating well too, but that’s to be expected from me—the person who had their heart broken.” Jaebum tried not to sound too pained, tries hard not to let his emotions show.

“I know. And that’s it, I know I’m the one who brought this on me.” Mark sounded frustrated, it wasn’t a feeling he used to have a lot. “I said I didn’t love you anymore, but the past few days all I could think of is  _ you _ . I can see you everywhere, wondering about you all the time and. I. I know I still like you, a lot.”

Those were not the words that Jaebum had wanted to hear or was expecting to hear, but it sounded great. It made him feel like he was okay or that he was going to be okay, at least.

“Do you… do you really regret me? Meeting me, falling for me and dating me?” Mark asked in a small voice.

And in that moment, in that sentence, in that certain point of time, Jaebum was reminded of the Mark he had first met. He remembered the Mark who had broken up with Jinyoung because of one measly fight two months into their relationship. He remembered the Mark who tried to stay friends with him just because he wasn’t sure about his feelings. He remembered the Mark who hugged him so tight and kissed him hard when he finally said he was sure that it was Jaebum he wanted and not Jinyoung, not Jinyoung anymore.

“No, I don’t regret you. I don’t, and I had spent hours thinking I did. But, we weren’t that bad, were we? We had our moments.” Jaebum answered and he could feel Mark relax, could feel him finally letting up. “Because the past nine months, the past almost one year was… the best.”

Mark looks away again, “Do you still… love me? And I know it sounds so selfish asking this when I said I don’t love you anymore and then take it back and say I still like you.”

“I do,” Jaebum replies without second thought. Because he does, he still does. And even when he looks at Mark right now, he knows he does.

Mark turns to him again, “So can we… do you want… can we get back together again? Try one more time?”

_ Yes _ . Jaebum had wanted to say that word, had been wanting to hear that question for days. And he knows that if Mark had asked Tuesday, if Mark had asked sooner then Jaebum’s answer would have been that three letter word. But he lets himself feel it, feel the surge of relief and happiness through his vein. Then, he faces reality.

“I want to, believe me, I want to so bad, but…” Jaebum saw Mark’s face fell and it pains him to not even make Mark smile again, “But I was so crushed, Mark. I was so heart broken just because you got scared and didn’t tell me. If you talked to me that day or the day before, we could have gotten through this together. So my question is, do you think you you’re ready for a serious relationship?”

When Mark doesn’t answer immediately, Jaebum knows the answer without even hearing it.

“Because Mark, I’m not going to go into this relationship again knowing that in the end, I’ll be the one with my heart broken and crying just cause you ended up not wanting me anymore.” Jaebum says the words he had been preparing for days and realized how much it hurts to hear them out there, that there’s a high chance of them being real.

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers, “How about we take a break? For a month?”

Jaebum shakes his head again, “And then what? Drag out the pain for me? Because I know that in a month, I’m still going to be madly in love with you. But will you be ready in a month? Or are we just going to drag out my pain?”

Mark doesn’t have an answer to that, eyes downcast and looking even more timid than he usually does.

“Do you think, in your heart right now, that you would ever be ready to be in a serious relationship with me?” Jaebum asked, the words out of his mouth before he even had the chance to think if he wants to know the answer to it.

“I don’t know.” Mark answered truthfully, “I just know that I like you a lot, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. Maybe, in a few years, if we stayed together I would be.  But right now, at this moment, I don’t… know.”

That hurts, that  _ pains _ Jaebum to hear. That maybe he wasn’t even worth enough being loved, not even worth to waste Mark’s efforts for. It were the words that he was afraid to hear, but also knew he needed them.

“I wish I could make you just love me, make you just  _ sure  _ about me.” Jaebum didn’t mean to cry, had spent hours before he went to sleep preparing for this exact moment so that there would be no tears left. “Because I love you, a lot, more than you can ever know and you don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark was tearing up too. “I’m not even worth it, I don’t know why you even love me because you just wasted your time on me.”

Jaebum shakes his head, “No, I didn’t and I don’t regret spending that nine months with you.”

“You deserve someone who can love you because you are worth it,” Mark’s words rang in Jaebum’s ears, “I wish I can just force myself to love you, but I’m just so scared. I wish I can get rid of all my commitment issues because I feel so stupid at letting you go. I mean, why would anyone let you go?”

Jaebum laughs at this, the tears contradicting his actions. “But the truth is, you may ask that, but you’re still letting me go. Because I am  _ not  _ worth it in the end. You tried, but I still wasn’t. We were running on borrowed time.”

“Can’t we stay friends?” Mark asked, “You have no idea how many times I saw something extremely stupid that I almost linked to you, until I realized that oh. Wait. I broke up with  _ him _ . I don’t have that right anymore.”

“We were really good friends before, huh? Maybe we should have stayed as friends,” Jaebum grins, because it was just the truth. They were good friends. “But if we stay friends now, what does that even entail for us? That we message each other? We go out once in a while? We stay in touch? What good does that do beside keep you in my life?”

Mark had probably realized what he was asking for and he looks apologetic, “You’re right. That’s not fair for you. It’s going to be the best of both worlds for me because there’s no one else who gets me the way you do.”

“Same.” Jaebum agrees. Then, “Then I guess that answers everything for us, huh?”

“Is this… the end?” Mark asked, as if he couldn’t believe it either.

“Maybe. Probably. But it is, right now.” Jaebum smiles sadly. “I wish I can just take you again, but I won’t be able to live with myself if I do.”

“And it’s not fair for you,” Mark agrees.

This time, the tears fall freely because Jaebum just can’t fucking stop himself. “Can I ask you for one thing?”

“Anything.” Mark offers.

“Can you… hug me?” Jaebum asked and Mark nods. “Thank you.”

Mark gets up and Jaebum follows him. It didn’t take a second before they were in each other’s arms, and this time they were both crying and holding on to each other as if their life depended on it.

“I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry,” Mark apologized over and over again. “If I could just fix my head, fix my brain and make me realize what I’m doing, I wish I can. I’m sorry, sorry Jaebum.”

“Why the fuck are you letting me go?” Jaebum asks in between sobs.

And they hugged each other under the sun, people passing by them as if they didn’t see them. In that moment, it was just the two of them and no one else.

When they finally let go, Mark grabbed Jaebum’s hands and intertwined their fingers together. His hands were cold, but the touch was warm like the first time they held hands months ago.

“I don’t want to let go, but I know I should.” Mark said.

Jaebum laughs, “You know what? Let’s just get back together. Who cares if I get hurt? I’ll be the one getting hurt anyway.”

Mark laughs too, broken in by his tears. “Don’t say it like that, you don’t deserve to be hurt. I want to hit myself for doing this, for being so weak and stupid enough not to fix myself up.”

Jaebum tugs on the hand, “I wish I was enough for you.”

“You were more than enough, is more than enough and you will be more than enough for anyone else.” Mark tugged his hand back, “I wish you won’t think that you’re not amazing or worth it because you are, I’m just the stupid guy who wasn’t ready for you.”

“And what good does that do when you’re the guy I want anyway?” Jaebum asked.

Mark smiles at him sadly and it breaks Jaebum’s heart so badly, “Can we go get dinner? I have a place I want to show you. I have just been waiting for a time I can bring you there, I just thought I had more time than this.”

“Sure,” Jaebum grins, “We’re breaking for the second time around and we’re going to go get dinner. We’re weird.”

“We sure are.” Mark agrees.

  
  


It turns out to be a pizza place where you make your own pizza. Jaebum loves pizza and Mark knows this. Mark has been raving about it the whole ride, telling him about the pizza Tammy had brought home the other week.

“You’ll love it.” Mark grins at him.

“If I don’t, you’ll have to eat it for me.” Jaebum grins back.

Just in the duration of tonight, Jaebum wants to pretend that everything was fine, that  _ he  _ was fine. After tonight, who knows what they could have together anymore? Maybe nothing.

Jaebum didn’t have to get Mark to eat his pizza because he loves it. He got one with white sauce, lots of bacon and then pineapples on top. It smelled so good, and so did Mark’s own pizza. Mark had one with white sauce, bacon and pepperoni then lots of veggies. He assures Jaebum that it tastes good so he does try it and—

“Oh wow that tastes so good.” Jaebum’s eyes widened in wonder as he bit some more on the slice he took from Mark’s box.

“See?” Mark smiles, “Yours is good too. They really did put so much bacon.”

“I love bacon.” Jaebum announces as if it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the whole wide world.

“I know.” Mark just answers.

They finish their pizza and walk out to go to the mall right across the pizza place. The sun was going down, orange striking out the sky and Jaebum can’t help but feel his heart ache.

It felt like any other date they usually has, eating and then walking together while making really stupid jokes. Except, this time, there was an underlying meaning for every time Mark held his hand or the way Mark looked at him. It felt like the end, but Jaebum was fine because Mark was still right  _ there _ .

“Coffee?” Mark looked at the newly opened Tim Horton’s and Jaebum nodded his head so fast. “Why do I even ask?”

“I don’t know.” Jaebum laughs and they fall in line, talking about the interior and how new the machines look. They talk about how pretty the donuts on display are and the smell of coffee in the air. They talk about everything, wondering how the people are back in their Tim’s—the one where they met and started and fell in love.

“Same thing?” Mark asked as he waited for Jaebum to nod. Then he gave the woman their order, declining any of the upsells before paying.

They sat at the corner, knees touching under the table as they took a sip. Mark would make an awful joke and Jaebum would roll his eyes at him. Then Jaebum would say something stupid and Mark would laugh out loud. They work so well together, the picture perfect of a couple who are made for each other on the outside. But.

“I can’t believe I’m losing you.” Mark says out of nowhere in the middle of Jaebum telling a story.

“That decision is all on you,” Jaebum answers.

“I don’t want today to end, I wish I can just make time stop.” Mark admits and shakes his head, “Who else will watch those mystery movies we like so much? Who else can I drag to every superhero movie released? Who will play clowns with me now?”

Jaebum just tilts his head to the side, “You’re not the only one, Mark. You have tons of friends here you can bring with you. For the longest time, I only have you to watch those things with me. It’s going to be a hard adjustment for me.” Then he groaned, “We were going to watch Snowman together!”

“And Murder on the Orient Express.”

“Thor: Ragnarok.”

“Harry Potter Orchestra.”

“Fuck, I forgot about that. Justice League.”

“We made so many plans together, huh?” Mark reached over and held Jaebum’s hands, “ _ I  _ made so many plans for the two of us too. But I guess now we have to let them go.”

“Yeah…” Jaebum could feel the tears coming, but he tries not to.

Mark seemed to be deep in thought for a while, “Do you want to see Snowman next Friday? I can pick you up in school, let’s get dinner, watch Snowman and just… talk?”

Jaebum smiles, “I would love that.”

  
  
  


Mark drove him home, but they ended up driving to a playground. The moon was up, the wind was harsh, and they sat together at the very top of the slide with their sides pressed onto the other, and their hands still intertwined—a little bit like they are afraid to let go.

“I wasn’t ready for it to be good bye yet,” Mark admitted.

“Let me be selfish just at this exact moment, because I’m not quite ready yet for this to be goodbye either.” Jaebum agreed, looking down at their hands. “I just need to wrap my head around the idea that this  _ might  _ be our good bye.”

“We have next week,” Mark reminded him, nudging their shoulders. “But, I’m still not ready to let you go yet. At least, not right now. Not yet.”

Which means that he is still planning on it, no matter how many times that Mark says he doesn’t want to and that he’s not ready yet… Mark still will. At the end of the day, he would still let Jaebum’s hand go and walk away.

It’s a little bit funny and ironic to think that just a week ago they were talking about their future, future plans together and just by themselves. Mark had joked about saying he wants to ask Jaebum to move in with him, and Jaebum had jokingly agreed to it. They talked about moving to either Vancouver or Los Angeles. They talked about their plan to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, Florida.

They had so many plans,  _ so  _ many plans for their future. Yet. Here they are right now, saying their goodbyes.

“You suddenly went quiet,” Mark nudged his shoulders again, waking Jaebum up for the spiel he had put his head into. “I’m usually the quiet one.”

“You are,” Jaebum agreed, wiping the stray tear from his eye as Mark pretended he didn’t notice. “Hey, do you remember that first time we met? When Christ had me crying by 8:00 am and I was already prepared to bolt out the door and never come back?”

Mark nodded, “As if anyone could forget that. Even then, you were one of the most amazing thing that I’ve laid my eyes on.”

“I don’t… I just feel like things went fast, everything just happened with a flick of our hands. Here we are, a year later and nine months dating.” Jaebum shrugged, “I had so much time with you, yet I feel like I didn’t. I still wanted to do so many things with you.”

“Me too,” Mark’s tears were obvious under the moonlight. His hair even more glowing, bright from where Jaebum sat.

“I just can’t put my head around the idea that this is it. This is how we were going to end.” Jaebum felt like it was unfair, that they had such a great start and an amazing track record only for it to be done in a flash. Quick and fast, but so so much more painful.

Time flew by after that, memory after memory fleeting through the air as they talked about all the things they didn’t get to before. They talked about all their insecurities in their relationship, things they thought they could’ve fixed to somehow salvage this relationship (but won’t, at least, not really). 

They talked about all the good things about them. How Mark had helped Jaebum adjust to moving into a different country with a language he had barely any idea how to use. How Mark had helped Jaebum gain confidence, reminded him he was amazing and pushed him to try harder. How Mark was Jaebum’s happiness for a  _ very  _ long time.

But then Mark talked about how Jaebum was his light, his bright and shining light that had guided him to where he was now. A year ago he was a College drop out who failed one of his classes big time. A year ago he was working a mere minimum wage with no plan whatsoever about how he was going to be dealing with in the future. A year ago he just went to work, went back to work, watched stupid things and played games before going to sleep and starting the cycle again. Mark explained how he had only started wanting something more, started wanting to be better because he wanted to be able to make Jaebum happy.

“You wouldn’t have been happy with a home bum when you’re out there being an amazing law student.” Mark said.

“Then you really have no idea how much I love you because if you did, then you would know that I wouldf have still loved you then. No matter what.” Jaebum laughed, tears in his eyes.

Mark looked at him and it reminded Jaebum of the same way Mark had looked at him before, when they were inside his car months ago.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Jaebum asked.

Mark looked sheepish, but he nodded. “I just don’t know if you’ll let me or if it’s even a good idea in the first place.”

“Probably not, but,” Jaebum squeezed Mark’s hand. “Kiss me?”

So Mark did, his eyes lowering to Jaebum’s lips before he kissed him. Desperation, sadness, longing, pain, so much pain could be felt. Jaebum didn’t know who started crying first, but they were both tearing up as Mark cupped Jaebum’s face with his cold hands to control the kiss.

Jaebum used to laugh and scoff at those kissing scenes where the actors are crying because,  _ why cry when you’re kissing?  _ But now that Jaebum was here, desperate for that touch knowing that it could be one of the last… he couldn’t help the tears as they fall, pain slashing through every movement.

When Mark let go, gasping for breath, his eyes were red as Jaebum’s and his face as heart broken as Jaebum was. And it makes you want to ask, makes you wonder, why were they breaking up again?

“Why are you letting me go?” Jaebum asked, wiping the tears from his eyes as the cold wind blew around them.

“Because I’m a stupid idiot who’s not sure if I can make you happy even though I like you so much,” Mark answered back with a bitter bark of laughter. “I wish I can just be sure. I wish I can just make my brain hurry the fuck up so that it won’t hurt this much for you, for me, for the both of us.”

“But you’re still not ready for it, and that’s fine.” Jaebum just nodded his head, “We’ll be fine.”

“I wish we can just stay as friends because I have no idea how to function now that you’re not going to be in my life any longer,” Mark wiped the tears, “But that’s not fair for you.”

“It’s not,” Jaebum agreed.

They sat there in silence, warmth shared as their sides are pressed to each other and fingers intertwined.

“Let’s go,” Jaebum tugged on Mark’s hand.

“Let’s go,” Mark nodded.

Their laughter rang across the empty playground as they both took the slide down instead of the stairs, side by side. Jaebum had landed horribly and kicked Mark’s shin for laughing at him. Mark apologized and then laughed again.

It felt fine, everything felt fine, but.

“Is it time to let go?” Mark asked as they stopped in front of the pedestrian crossing where they need to separate.

Jaebum just nodded his head, afraid to speak. Mark’s hands had tightened their hold on him, and he returned the squeeze.

“We’ll have next week. I’ll see you next week.”  _ For the last time _ , Mark didn’t say.

Jaebum nodded again and Mark lets go of his hand only to cup Jaebum’s face for another kiss.

“I love you,” Jaebum whispers.

“I like you so much,” Mark whispers back.

Then they separate as Jaebum pressed the button so he could cross the street, wiping the tears from his eyes as he walked and walked until he reached the other side. He couldn’t help himself as he looked back and saw Mark still standing there, looking at him with such pain that Jaebum just walked again.

He can’t come back to Mark. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to post this chapter oops? anyway, here is my favourite chapter! i know that it is also the longest. i absolutely LOVED writing this chapter. now, we are down to the last chapter and we're almost done!
> 
> please tell me what you think and comment!


	9. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter, i hope everyone who had stuck with me throughout this story would get to enjoy this! i love you all and thank you ♥ 
> 
> i have a longer note at the end

Jaebum had thought it was going to be okay, he was going to be fine. Mark had apologized, explained everything that had happened, and then they were in good terms again. He slept that night with his mind taking in everything.

They were good, not back together, but they were good.

 _Then_ he woke up, and then he wasn’t so good anymore.

It was pure pain, and he was pretty glad that he was the only one alone at home because he wasn’t just crying he was sobbing. Tears falling and falling as he clutches his chest.

He hurriedly grabbed his phone and sobbed even more when he almost called Mark instead, because he was used to calling Mark when things get tough and Mark was the only one who could comfort him. Except today, today he couldn’t and wouldn’t because he was the cause of this.

So instead he dials Jinyoung, the other boy immediately answering as if he was waiting for the call. It didn’t even ring once.

“Hyung?” Jinyoung sounded worried.

And Jaebum sobbed even more, unable to speak.

“Cry it out hyung,” Jinyoung waited patiently as Jaebum gathered himself and his wits and his words. He waited patiently as Jaebum sobbed on the other end.

“I thought it won’t hurt so much,” Jaebum finally spoke, voice a little bit broken.

“Why is that, hyung?” Jinyoung asked.

“Because we talked properly.” Jaebum was still clutching his chest, “He asked if I want to get back together, but I said no. I said I won’t take him back unless he’s sure about me.”

“And that’s good, hyung. You did the right thing.” Jinyoung agreed.

Jaebum took a deep breath, “Last night, yesterday, it felt like it was. Now I wish I can take back everything and just said yes then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much right now.”

“Hyung…”

“He’s not sure about me. Again, I might add. He likes me, but not the way I love him right now,” Jaebum could feel the flashes of pain prickle through his veins, “I just can’t deal with the idea that I lost him, lost the one person I have wanted to keep in a very long time.”

“I’m sure, hyung, that one day when everything is better and it doesn’t hurt so much that you and him can be good friends again. It just hurts right now because it’s fresh and there are a lot of _what if_ in your life.”

“I know, but I just wish it doesn’t hurt so bad because it’s so hard losing your best friend and you boyfriend at the same time.” That was it, really. The truth was that Jaebum had lost not only Mark Tuan his boyfriend, but also Mark Tuan his closest and best friend—the person who knows him inside and out and accepted everything about him.

Jinyoung had to go get ready for work so he had to end the call. He ironed out the details about their plan for tomorrow, where to meet and what time. Jackson will come too and that’s easier, but not better because he knows how in love the two of them are.

When it was just him again, he plays the Ed Sheeran playlist that he and Mark used a lot when they were on the road. Jaebum sang along to everything while he made coffee and just cried.

Broken hearts needs to heal, but broken hearts needs to also just be broken.

  


Nayeon had a thing with her friends last night and Saturday, she was one of those girls who is always out with her friends when she wasn’t at home studying. So it surprised Jaebum when she showed up at his doorstep during lunch with take out and Dahyun in tow.

“We actually have a baby shower to be at in an hour, but I know you are probably moping around oppa,” Nayeon knew him too well.

“So we brought you food, oppa!” Dahyun excitedly handed him the paper bag they brought. “It’s pasta and pizza.”

“And I brought you coffee,” Nayeon handed him what definitely smelled like Americano from Starbucks. “I’m sorry that I can’t be here to cuddle up and watch one of our movie homeworks, but this is the best thing I can do.”

“And it’s actually way more than enough. Thank you,” Jaebum meant it.

Nayeon and Dahyun both gave him tight hugs before they both bid him goodbyes. Nayeon promised to talk to him on Monday, and Dahyun complained that she wouldn’t be able to hear.

Jaebum stares at the food in front of him and couldn’t be more thankful to have people around him that cares for him.

  


The day out with Jinyoung and Jackson wasn’t so bad. They weren’t being their usual cheesy selves, but they also weren’t holding back enough to make Jaebum feel uncomfortable which is good because Jaebum was at his lowest.

“Did you want coffee?” Jackson asked, already taking out his wallet to fall in line in Starbucks.

“Did you want coffee or Green Tea Latte, hyung?” Jinyoung asked, eyes trained on the list. “Not sure if I want coffee or Green Tea Latte too.”

“Green Tea Latte for me today with 6 matcha powders,” Jaebum thanked Jackson for the treat. “But please remind me to buy coffee before we go because I have readings I need to do when I get back home, okay?”

“Sure.” Jackson makes the order while Jinyoung and Jaebum stayed outside, waiting in front of Forever 21.

“Does it hurt still, hyung?” Jinyoung asked, giving Jaebum a look. “And will you be okay next Friday? Maybe you should re-schedule if you’re not…”

“I will be.” Jaebum had told him about their plan to see Snowman. It was weird, breaking up and then making plans to go see a movie. Even Jinyoung agrees to that, but then again, they weren’t really a normal couple to begin with anyway.

“I will always take your side, hyung.” Jinyoung nudges their shoulders together, “Because I think Mark needs to get his head out of his ass for letting you go. I can tell he loves you very much, but he needs to know he can’t hurt you like this.”

Jaebum just nodded and bit his lip. Luckily, Jackson had come in with their drinks and handed each one of them. By that time, they were busily talking about the people at work that the topic of Mark and Jaebum had been dropped.

  


When last week had passed by fast with no time to think about anything else, this week seemed to crawl by as if time had been stuck. Classes were all lectures with no group activities or even papers that needs to be done. All they had been doing was sitting down taking notes.

It was driving Nayeon a little bit crazy. It was driving Jaebum to the walls.

“Why is this week so uneventful?” Nayeon complained, groaning at the massive notes she had taken on her laptop. “Do you have all the notes, oppa?”

Jaebum gave a quick scroll at everything he has, “Yup. Do you want to go through them? Next week will probably be hell if this week is a lull.”

“That’s true,” Nayeon opened the first slide.

Jaebum prepared himself and concentrated, trying not to let his mind wander.

  
  


Lying down on his bed and hearing his parents talking outside the door makes him want to burry himself even more. He knows they mean well, and he knows that he can’t blame his parents, but he can’t help but feel helpless.

“What kind of stupid idiot will leave our son like that?”

“I told you, he’s an ass. He was just using our son.”

“If only I remember his face, I would give him a good punching.”

“Jaebum probably won’t like that.”

“He hasn’t been crying lately, so I hope he’s getting over that asshole. He doesn’t deserve to make our son cry.”

“He really doesn’t.”

His parents were furious with Mark for hiding their relationship first, and then for breaking Jaebum’s heart into little pieces. They have it in their minds that Mark had just played Jaebum, used him and thrown him away.

It wasn’t true, it was far from true. But how would you even explain that to your parents? Oh yeah, he broke my heart, but don’t hold it against him? He’s a good person, he just got scared that’s all. It sounds stupid because he knows that all his parents sees is this boy had made him cry.

_It’s not true. It’s not true, mom. It’s not true, dad. Mark is a good person, and I don’t regret even one second of us. Don’t think that I just wasted my feelings and my nine months, because I don’t._

And it just pains him a little, it stings a little, to think that Mark is seen as the bad guy. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t love Jaebum, couldn’t see Jaebum as someone worth it. It wasn’t Mark’s fault, not at all.

(It was Jaebum’s, wasn’t it?)

  
  


“Are you ready for later?” Nayeon asked as soon as she arrived at her seat.

Jaebum showed her his shaking hand and she reached over to steady it. “Thanks.”

“You’ll be fine, oppa. This is just Mark,” Nayeon patted his head softly, “If you need me at all, just message me and I’ll be there, oppa. Okay?”

Jaebum nodded.

  


When the cluck struck 4:30 pm and he saw the message waiting for him on his phone, his blood ran cold and his knees felt like they were about to give up on him.

**Mark: i’m here**

Jaebum doesn’t answer, just hides his phone in his pocket. It just felt so ironic and so weird that if it was maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, getting a text like that on a Friday afternoon would have made Jaebum excited. Now, now he just dreads it.

He can’t push it any longer, really. So he picks up his things and slung his bag on his shoulder. He takes a deep breath. One. Two. Three.

“You’ll be fine,” he whispers to himself.

The walk towards the school gate felt like his death sentence. It was a cold day, the wind blowing harshly throughout the place. He tugs his scarf closer to his face and blinks away the tears.

Not yet. Not now. Later.

Mark’s car came into his view and the pain, the reminder, and the realization just keeps on coming back to him. It felt so stupid, but he knew he was shaking when he opens the back door to drop his bag on it.

“Hi,” he squeaked out, his voice pretty high and unrecognizable. Then he slides in front of the passenger seat— _his_ seat—and buckles his seat belt in—like usual—before turning to look at Mark.

“Hi.” Mark smiles back at him, timid and a little unsure. It felt so out of place, something he hasn’t seen on his face in a very long time.

Silence.

“Where are we going?” Jaebum asked, coughing. He doesn’t understand why they’re so awkward when, usually, by now, they’re already on the fifth topic to tell the other person.

“St. Vital,” Mark answers as he takes out his phone to presumably search how to get there—even though they’ve been going there for months.

“Oh, okay.” Jaebum fiddles with his fingers, not knowing what to do with them. He hates the silence, hates the awkwardness lingering in the air. So he launches on a safe story about Nayeon, “Nayeon had been complaining about the classes the whole week. We haven’t done any surprise quizzes or tests so she’s been stressed out.”

“Has she been studying non-stop again?” Mark asked, putting away the phone as he probably already has the road memorized. “You probably will have a lot of tests next week, then.”

“Most likely. She’s been driving me crazy. We’ve had to re-read the notes a million of times the past week,” Jaebum shakes his head, laughing a little even though he keeps on fiddling with the seat belt. “At least we’re ready for any tests our instructors will throw at us next week.”

Mark laughs, making a turn. “That’s for sure.”

Jaebum smiles a little at Mark’s laughter, “So, how are you?” He gives the red hair a look, “And you dyed your hair too, I see.” _And I wasn’t there to see it this time._

“Yeah, I think the red hair still suits me the most.” Mark touches his hair and it makes Jaebum want to do that too, just reach out and touch Mark’s hair. But he doesn’t. Not this time. “Does it look good?”

“It does.” He answers without even thinking and sees Mark’s huge answering smile at that. The hair, the smile, and the _everything_ just makes him feel like everything was okay. “Can I be honest with you?”

Mark nods his head, sparing a quick glance at him.

“Last week, when we separated, I thought that _hey this doesn’t seem too bad_ and I went to sleep thinking that.” Jaebum could feel the pin-prickle of tugging in his heart, but he wants to say this because if he doesn’t, he’s going to think that this outing was just like any other day. “Then I woke up the next day crying with a huge feeling of loss. I just—I just kept crying the whole day.”

“Jaebum…” It was a stop light and he looked at Jaebum with such sad eyes, “I know what you mean by feeling hollow, but I don’t… I don’t want you to cry just because of me.”

“As if I could stop myself,” Jaebum laughs bitterly, “but I just kept on reminding myself that I’ll be fine. It’s fine, this was just how we were going to end. Because. Well, Mark doesn’t love me so there’s nothing we can do.”

Mark’s hand rested on his thighs, “That’s not it—“

“Green light,” Jaebum interrupted, pointing it out.

Mark sees the green light and his eyes went back to the road.

“I’m saying this because I want to ask you a favor, it’s pretty huge, but I hope you grant me this favor.” Jaebum continues, not giving Mark enough time to continue his earlier sentence.

“What is it?” Mark asked, alternating between the road and on Jaebum.

“That at least today, at least until we separate tonight, can you pretend that you still love me and that everything is okay and that this date is not just for the sake of my broken heart?” Jaebum asked as a tear fell from his eye. “Please? Just this once?”

“I’m not going to pretend because you might think I need to love you to want to make you smile and to want to make you feel happy, but that’s not it. I want you to be happy and have tonight a good memory, the same way I want to give myself tonight.” Mark explained, eyes on the road but somehow felt like his feelings were across just fine. “So, no, I won’t pretend the whole night. Anything I do, anything I say, and anything I feel are all genuine.”

Jaebum wiped his tears, “Why are you such a great talker when I don’t want you to be?”

“Because I might not know what love means, but I know my feelings for you are real.” Mark smiles, reaching over once more to squeeze Jaebum’s thighs.

The ride after that was back to normal with Mark telling Jaebum of stories about work, and Jaebum telling him stories of Nayeon and all their classes. They joked. They teased each other. It felt like any other day, even though it wasn’t.

When they got in the mall, Mark bought them tickets for the next showing in an hour. They still had time to go to the bookstore so Jaebum can get those Agatha Christie books he wanted on his collection.

For some reason, when Mark used to hate doing it, Mark’s hand was firmly holding Jaebum’s. They walked together side by side, pressed together. They hate showing any public displays of affection because of how inconvenient it was for other people. But today, it felt like they were both being selfish.

Even when Jaebum had two books on his hand and paying, Mark was right beside him. They discussed the books, laughed at Jaebum’s choices and thanked the cashier together.

“Do you want to leave this on the car first so you don’t have anything with you in the cinema?” Mark asked and Jaebum agreed.

They walk together back to the car, the sun already down when it was just up a few minutes ago. On the way back, Mark hugged Jaebum from the back before taking his hand in his to walk side by side again.

Jaebum just laughs, pretending there wasn’t any ache in his chest.

After buying popcorn and adding butter, they walk together to the cinema in excitement. They have both been wanting to watch this movie together after all. They choose the seats at side where it’s just going to be the two of them.

“I hate that I can’t remove these things,” Mark points at the drink holder.

“That’s all good,” Jaebum slips his hand in Mark’s as the cinema darkens and moved closer so their thighs are pressed against one another.

And for the first time, they never let go of each other through the whole movie. Eating pop corn with one hand? Getting drinks with one hand? Lying your head on the other’s shoulder just to be _close_ to them?

Jaebum’s feelings were torn between wanting the movie to end just so they could talk in private again and then not wanting the movie to end so they could stay like this some more.

But soon the lights opened and they let go of each other to go down the theatre, battling the other people who were walking slowly.

In the ride back home, they discussed the ending of the movie and the whole thing.

“I think it was a good watch, just that the ending was not as satisfying as I wished it was.” Jaebum complained.

Mark eagerly agreed, “The ending felt rushed. I thought there was something more.”

This, discussing the movie from the music to the characters to the cinematography, was something they always did. It was routine, and it didn’t take long before they were on the parking lot near Jaebum’s house.

“Are we talking here or do you want to move to the back?” Mark asked.

“Back.” Jaebum answered simply.

In a flash, they were both at the back with arms around each other as Jaebum sat on Mark’s lap. His head was on Mark’s neck, hot tears falling down even though he wasn’t expecting it to. His arms around the other boy was tight, almost like he’s afraid to let go.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” was all Mark could say, repeating it over and over in his head as if it could save them both from whatever this is. “I’m so sorry, Jaebum.”

Jaebum just shaked his head, tears flowing down from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, has nothing he can do that would make it better. “For days, I planned and planned what I would tell you. But now that you’re right here in front of me, my mind had gone blank.”

“Same,” Mark agreed, rubbing circles on Jaebum’s back. “I have so many things I wanted to tell you. So many thing, but my mind is just blank. It’s like all I could remember is you… right here.”

“I just have the feeling of you near me, and I keep forgetting everything else that matters in this world.” Jaebum slowly pushes himself upright to get a good look at Mark’s face. Mark was red in the eyes, but it looks like he’s trying not to cry.

Instead, Mark reaches over and wipes Jaebum’s tears with his thumb. It makes Jaebum cry harder and Mark just continues wiping his tears, as if it could make them stop.

“I hated seeing you cry,” Mark opens up, wiping the tears continuously. “I always, always give up whenever you cry. You’re not so much a crier, but you just have a lot of emotions, I guess. But whenever you do cry, I feel like I should do something to stop it.”

“You’re making me cry right now.” Jaebum points out.

“I wish I could do something to make it better, to make you stop, but—the quick solution could just hurt you in the long run. I don’t want that either,” Mark said, “But it breaks my heart and I don’t want to separate tonight with you crying. I just—I can’t.”

“Then let me tell you now that I’m going to be crying the whole night.” Jaebum wipes his own tears so he could see Mark clearly, “Because now that we’re right here, I can feel the end creeping up under my skin. And I told myself to be strong, but I just wasn’t ready to accept this as our end.”

“I firmly believe in, even though you might not agree, that we met at the wrong time in our lives. I’m not in a position to be in a relationship, I have no plans for my future and I have no plans whatsoever for myself. And you’re busy with studies, law school taking up most of your time now.” Mark smiled sadly, “If we met when I already had my future on the way and you’re done studying, I know we would have worked much better.”

Jaebum laughs, “That’s what you think, but I disagree. I think we met at the right time and at the right moment, just that you weren’t ready to work through it with me. Because I know that, just myself, I would have worked for this relationship if you let me. If you told me what was bothering you, if you told me what you were scared of, when you just _confided_ in me instead of breaking up with me. But when you chose the latter, everything was out of my hands.”

“I know.”

“And I’m not blaming you for us,” Jaebum patted Mark’s red locks, “I just keep on wishing I knew earlier or that I read you earlier. I just keep on wishing I was better than this, that I was worth it, and that I was enough for you.”

Mark shook his head, cupping Jaebum’s cheeks. “That’s not true, I don’t want you blaming yourself for the mess I made. I don’t want you punishing yourself for a problem that I created.”

“I just can’t help—“ Jaebum couldn’t continue and he just leans over and wraps his arms around Mark’s shoulders just so he could bury his head on the other boy’s neck. “I’ll miss you so much. I’ll miss hugging you this tight, and I’ll miss having to hug you.”

“It’s weird, but this hug feels like something new. It feels so good and comforting, as if I’m home even though at the back of my head this hug is a ticking time bomb of our time together.” Mark confides in him, “I will miss you so bad, too. I will miss my other half, the person that could have completed me if I wasn’t stupid enough to let go.”

Jaebum laughs bitterly. “We’re just a fucking weird couple, aren’t we?”

“We are,” Mark agrees.

It was 11:05 pm when they started talking about how they had started. The first time they saw each other, the feelings, and who had liked who first. They moved on to those days when neither of them knew what they are, but both knew they were more than just _friends._ Then the first kiss, the first fight, and then that hellish week of being back to just friends. The next part was a blur of laughters and love and happiness and just _more_. It felt perfect, everything felt perfect as if their life was being slotted back to normal. And then, their abrupt ending.

By the time 12:38 am rolls around, they were both crying and laughing and clutching tightly on each other.

Jaebum has to come home by 1:00 am and that means the clock has now started ticking loudly. It was deafening and scary how everything felt okay one second and then frantic the next.

“I guess this is really the end,” Jaebum pats Mark’s head as he leans over just close enough for their breaths to mix. “And again, you’ve been looking at my lips the way you had that first time.”

“Because even until now, I’m not sure if I should kiss you and the implications it might bring.” Mark answered, looking down at Jaebum’s lips. “But let me be selfish one last time,”

Mark leans down just as Jaebum leans in and they meet in the middle, hot breaths mixing together. It was just as frantic and desperate as their kiss last week. Their hands were reaching everywhere and clutching tightly. Mark cups Jaebum’s cheeks again, moving closer as if it was even possible.

By 12:54 am, they were out of breath and their tears had dried up.

“Any last words?” Mark asked as he breathed in harshly, hands on Jaebum’s cheeks.

Now, Jaebum sobs. It was in-between crying and wailing, feelings bubbling inside his chest.

“You were the best person in my life who understood me completely and was there for me no matter what. I have no idea what to do now that you’re not here to catch me anymore,” Jaebum tried his best not to cry in between his words, “I have no regrets _at all,_ even if we ended up this way. I would still have chosen you over and over. I hope when you look back at the time we had, you would think that your decision of choosing me over anyone else was the right choice. We had one year together, but I keep feeling like that wasn’t enough. But hey, one year wasn’t that short if you keep thinking about it right?”

“No, no it wasn’t. But yes, a year didn’t feel like it was enough.” Mark agreed, wiping the tears on Jaebum’s eyes and drying his cheeks.

“I hope you miss me because no matter what and no matter how I feel after we separate, I am going to miss you badly. And I love you so much for me to easily get over you. I wish I’m not losing one of my closest friends, my best friend and my boyfriend in one day, but—I’ll just have to deal with that.” Jaebum smiled and pressed a kiss on Mark’s forehead.

“Please don’t close the door to me permanently,” Mark teared up, “I know that one day, I will realize what I did and then I’ll be ready to face you then.” Mark sounded so sure that it pained Jaebum when he didn’t believe him, “I will ask you out again, and I hope that if you’re not in a relationship with anyone that you’ll say yes and give me a chance one more time.”

Jaebum smiles, “Whatever happens after this; whether we end up back together or whether we end up as just friends or whether we end up being nothing at all, I just want to tell you that thank you, I enjoyed every moment with you. I love you through everything that happened. I’ll miss you so much.”

At 1:08 am, they hug each other tightly, kiss desperately and said goodbyes painfully.

At 1:13 am, Jaebum was locked inside his room and crying on the floor.

  
  


In a few days or a few months, or it could also be a few years, Mark might ask Jaebum out again. By then, they’ll find out if they truly were meant to be or if that nine months was truly just what they had. No matter what, it was a great nine months of a whirlwind of romance.

Because love is… stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ending note!
> 
> so, i actually wrote this from the ending to the start. that is why there are a lot of mistakes and ending had included more information in it that necessary. for example, that jinyoung and mark dated! idk if you remember, during or about the time that mark and jaebum had started having ~feelings~ for each other, jinyoung looks at them worriedly. he said he hopes they would work out. because he and mark didn't. jinyoung was the ex that mark had commitment issues with.
> 
> now, i will tell you why this fic isn't beta'd and kind of rough
> 
> this fic is based in real life. when i say real life, i meant me. this fic is based on me. this is based on my previous relationship, my relationship with my ex. he had reminded me of mark the whole time i was dating him and i teased him about it, he wasn't pleased, he got jealous with my "kpop boys" as he calls it. now, i just want to put it out there that everything in this whole fic is true. it's 100% based on real life and 100% based on us. how we met, how we first started, how we went out without labelling us, how we confessed, how we are, and how we ended... it was us.
> 
> i wrote this a week after the last time we saw each other, the pain was so raw that i wrote ch8 and ch9 before i even wrote ch1. the pain outweighs all the happiness that i had a hard time writing the middle, the happy days that i had once held so close to my dear heart. so this is why ch8 and ch9 are not beta'd at all, i couldn't go back and re-read it like how i went back to ch1-ch7 so I can edit some spelling or grammatical errors quite easily. i hope you forgive me ;;
> 
> now, i wanted to share this with everyone, share our story and share our 9 months together (we've known each other a year though) because like mark and jaebum, we never did officially told anyone except our jinyoung. we pretended in work, we pretended when outside, we never told anyone and finally, i am able to say it to the world now that it's done. it was a learning experience reading your comments because then, i can see you react to jaebum (to me and the things we've done) so i somehow know where it went wrong.
> 
> i wish i can say that like how this fic ended, we might have hope in the future. i don't think so.
> 
> so!
> 
> thank you for sticking through this 9 chapters and i hope you had enjoyed the ride because i definitely, definitely did. (until next time! maybe)
> 
> ps: if anyone wants to talk, hit me up at @pettynyoung


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